Really don't know what to do with my horse....

[Scaredy Cat]

I'm feeling really depressed - nothing has worked out as I thought it would since buying my horse in the summer. It seemed that no sooner than I got him home, this horse that was described as 'sane, well behaved, safe, good hack etc' is anything but!

First came the napping, started off not too bad but got to the point where it was dangerous to hack. His whole personality and demeanour changed and it was suggested that a change of surroundings might help. Moved to another yard and things seemed to settle down. Let him settle in and just did ground work for the first 2 weeks with the help of my fantastic sharer. He seemed a lot calmer. Had all his back, teeth etc checked and was told its all ok.

Bought him a bitless bridle and decided that today would be the day to ride him for the first time since he moved. Did some basic ground work to let him get used to the bitless, then got on. He proceeded to career to the corner of the school as soon as my bum touched the saddle. Calmed him down and walked around the school for a bit. My sharer then got on and rode him round (she's braver than me) and also trotted him. I then got back on and tried to trot him - que bucking bronco!! he's never bucked the whole time i've had him! Hebucked from one side of the school to the other, twice. But he only did it with me on board.

I'm scared of him, pure and simple. I've never in my life been scared of a horse and even when I'm a bit nervous I've managed to overcome it.

I'm now in a quandry. My sharer believes that we can both (i.e., her and me) work through it and come out the other side with a good horse (like the one I was supposedly sold). But my nerves are shot to hell.

I could get an RA or equiv out, but at the end of the day, I still have to ride this horse when there is no-one else around. I'm wondering if there is any way back?

I've never been so nervous about being around a horse before. He's really trashed my confidence. I'm wondering whether to cut my losses (i know that sounds harsh and i don't mean it to) and sell him and get something a little less demanding. Or should I work through it and hopefully come out the other side in a better position that I am now. I don't want to give up on him, but I don't want to turn into a gibbering wreck either.

[gordo]

Oh poor you, its sad that you feel so fragile but I know how that feels. I can't really help in the logistics but just wanted to lend you my support and I know you'll get some fantastic help via the wealth of knowledge on this board. Best of luck and you are not alone!!

[Lynn]

Have just been through a very similar situation with a client who wrote up her experiences in this issue of The Listening Post if you have a copy. If not I can e-mail you the article to read. It really was written by Jo to help other people in a similar situation be realistic about what a long and difficult road may lie ahead for owners who find riding their horse undermines their confidence. She did a great job and made good progress with a tricky horse but it took a lot of guts and support from friends. Hope this helps.

[sharon]

What type of horse is he, e.g breed, size, age etc, are you having other problems or just ridden, does your sharer have ridden problems too?

[connie2005]

Hiya.....

If you have a great sharer then i would stick with what your doing maybe you do the schooling and your sharer does the hacking for now. You will be so happy when you sort the problem out !
One thing i wouldn't have done is so much work on the first time you rode in a while, This might have disheartened him slightly ! as well as you getting on again after the hack if he has been good during the hack why ask more of him again? I would have just rode him in the school for a while after he calmed down then left it at that! The the next day taken him out for a hack....
I had a nappy horse which was worse with me than anyone else as the horse could sence my nerves! Maybe just for now you do the ground work ( could you ride a very safe horse for a while just to gain your confidence back?) and your sharer does the ridden? Then once your horse has gained confidence and you have (even if it is on another horse) you and your horse could start again just alittle each day making sure you don't execpt to much from yourself or the horse.

Hope eveything works out

xXxConniexXx

[pip]

It is really depressing when things don't work out and I have a lot of sympathy.

When you bought the horse, how much work was he doing. Perhaps he is simply too fresh. You said you haven't ridden him for 2 weeks following the move, and then not much before that, so perhaps he was feeling excited about being ridden again? I don't know what he was doing before, of course.

Can you go out for quite a long ride, over 1 hour, slowly, mostly walk with the odd trot, with another rider? And then do it again the next day, and get some work into him?

[scaredycat]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Lynn, could you email me a copy of The Listening Post, I'd be really interested in reading that article. My email is [e-mail]. Which part of the country do you cover? I'm in Hampshire.

Sharon, he's a TBx so can be flighty anyway, 11yrs old, 16.3hh. We don't have any other problems really - he can be a bit eager to get back to the field but making him stop and stand or turn in a circle tends to solve that. It's mainly riddne problems. My sharer is mor confident than me and whilst he does try it on with her, he doesn't do it as much. I'm the one who tends to have the most problems.

Connie, sorry it wasn't very clear (tears blurring my vision). We just stuck to the school today, he wasn't hacked out at all. My sharer got on after me as I needed to get off and calm my nerves so I didn't unsettle him even more. I then got back on otherwise I don't think I ever would have done. We then had the bronco episode. We finished on a 'high' by walking calmly round the school and then having lots of fuss and praise.

[gordo]

Lynn - I would be very interested in that article too if I mail you can you send it on??

[scaredycat]

Hi Pip. He was only in light work when I bought him. He's now out 24/7 whereas he was in at night and only out for about 6-8 hours at his last home. But I see what you're saying about him being fresh. I did loose school him before I rode him to le him get some of his freshness out - not sure if this was the right thing to do.

I was tempted to take him for a good gallop however, not long after I had him, he bolted with me and I had no brakes (this was mainly down to the fact that he wanted to get home and tanked off down the track towards the gate for home). I don't want him to get into the habit of going fast whenever he goes out on a hack.

I have hacked him out but to be honest his napping got so bad that he was unsafe to hack alone. I'm trying to find someone with a 'sane, sensble' horse to hack out with at the moment My friend has offered to hack out with me but her horse is prone to big spooking episodes and the occasional bolt so I've politely declined for the time being.

[pip]

I'm not actually suggesting that you do this, but I remember reading that Vere Philips, a dealer and event rider said that if he gets on a horse that hasn't been ridden for a while he canters it round and round until it is tired because he doesn't want to get bucked off. This is definitely not recommended procedure (think of all those unfit legs/heart/lungs etc) but I thought it was quite amusing and thinking "RIght!"

[scaredycat]

lol!!

Unfortunately, our school is a rather odd shape - its an rectangle that has been skewed, if you get me. I'm sure my boy thinks he's a racehorse so would probably enjoy it! plus he never forgets - anything! If I did it once he's expect to do it everytime.

[jonswager]

Hi , you have my sympathy. My only advice i can give (given the fact that i don,t know you !! lol) is to make sure if you do decide to keep your horse and work through your problems that you are doing it because thats what you REALLY want.
I know that seems fairly obvious but its very easy to become confused especially when you are bound to receive a lot of conflicting advice.
Its all very well sharing a horse with someone who is a bit braver than you but ultimately its your horse and if you are too scared to ride him its not much fun for you.
If you decide to get help , be prepared for it to take some time for you both to feel confident in one another. The fact that your horse has become nappy and jumpy shows that he is feeling insecure and unsettled too.
I think that maybe you know deep down what you want to do (forgive me if i,m totally wrong!). Don,t worry about what other people think , what do you want?
Do you want to keep your horse no matter what?
Do you want to just find him a decent home?
If you do decide to sell your horse to someone who gets on with him you should feel proud of yourself for being sensible and taking action before both you and your horses confidence is wrecked.
Conversely if you decide to get proffessional help i hope it helps you acheive a harmonius relationship with your horse.



(i,m not saying that you should or shouldn,t sell your horse just that if you do decide to sell that you shouldn,t feel guilty!!! good luck , hope everything works out for you and your horse)

[sandy]

I don't know how experienced you are but the first horse I bought, as a novice, was a complete mistake.As I said , I was a novice, she was a five yr old IDX, and I very quickly lost all my confidence and was scared of her. I knew we were a recipe for disaster when I ended up at A & E so I actually sold her to a friend after they had her on a 3 month trial. I wanted them to know exactly what they were taking on. After 8 months of searching I finally found my little welsh cob who really is safe, sane and sensible and now I really can enjoy having a horse and riding. Many people think you should perserver with horses, which if you've got the experience I agree. However owning horses is supposed to be a pleasure and if you feel dread every time you feel you have to ride the said horse its hardly a pleasure. Sometimes a horse and rider/owner will never get on because they are just not right for each other. You say in your post that 'nothing has worked out since buying the horse in the summer' - perhaps now is the time to make a decision. Good luck - I really know how you feel.

[Sarah&Pebbles]

Hi,

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, i have been in the same one and its not at all nice. I found the confidence rider CD helped and what about some lessons with a good instructor?

I ally hope you manage to sort it out, best of luck

Sarah x

[Liz]

Hi, Scaredycat

I am another who could well use that name and that after 50 years around horses. I have, over the last few years, lost my confirdence. I was an able rider who competed in many XC events including team chasing and the, I think you will agree, is not for the faint hearted.

My loss of confidence started after a serious illness which has undermined my health and I constantly worry about what would happen if the horse misbehaves as I know I do not have the puff to ride through a problem.

I had a very nice young horse (TBx) but he proved too much for me and I ended up with some nasty injuries last year which did my fragile confidence no goos at all. The horse did not have any serious problems - I simply could not ride such an onward bound and free moving horse any more.

I sold him and got a much steadier horse (but still young and fairly green!) who suits my current abilities much better. BUT after this paragon arrived, a few problems arose. He really didn't settle at the yard and became a bit of a problem, even trying to jump out of his stable. He was pretty good to ride but began to get a little bit silly on the way home. Now, he is only 16hh but he is a BIG horse. My friend, an extremely able and experienced horsewoman at whose little private yard he was kept, suggested that the yard wasn't right for him and so I move him to the small training yard of another friend who specialises in NH methods. He didn't settle there either and was a fairly unhappy horse. He was chased through a fence by the mares and although he was undamaged, 25 metres of fence was not! He was subsequently banned from the fields by the landowner (not the YO) and spent a few months in a large open fronted barn but only had company occasionally.

I then spoke to the owner of an excellent small livery yard I have used befoe and, luckily, she had a vacancy. I took my very sweet natured horse there and he settled immediately. My confidnce is slowly returning and the horse just gets better and better. I believe because his surroundings allow him to relax, and because my confidence is increasing, he is gaining in confidence himself. In fact, I noticed that he is now lying down in his huge stable which, until recently, he simply could not do. It helped that I had a very good rider helping out 4 times a week whilst I was recovering from the serious injuries gained by my fall from my previous horse.

I am sure the major problem was a lack of confidence in the horse and the rider! I have also come to the conclusion that he cannot settle with mares in the field - he was out with mares at the firsy 2 yards but is now out with 4 geldings and his behaviour in the field has improved immeasurably.

I am currently grounded again following eye operations but still have someoone riding him at least twice a week.

I think you have to sit down and consider all aspects of your horse's management.

I do hope you can find the key to the horse I am sure he will then revert to his previous happy state. Good luck, OP