tf
Novice Poster
Posts: 31
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Post by tf on Aug 12, 2005 12:01:31 GMT 1
debbie,what a horrible situation..I read your thread on the last dg and i hoped things would get better..they haven't and it stinks! You really just need to be looked after right now,can't anyone come and help you out with the shop and give you some moral support? how you are holding things together is amazing but when you have a new baby your emotions are going to kick in so i really hope that you will have some support from some one..don't be afraid to take help because you can't always be strong and real friends or family will want to help I'm sure...I know I would if I was in somerset!!
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vbm
Advanced Poster
Feel the devil inside you.
Posts: 278
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Post by vbm on Aug 12, 2005 13:52:49 GMT 1
Jenna:- I’m not saying they are, but they are like men and as one I think I’m better qualified to explain their behaviour than you. I never said OP should nt ‘blame’ him. Sure …give him hell… (for a few days) but I don’t think one minor incident in 17 years is grounds for divorce! (he didn’t even sleep with the girl remember.
Well put linda…
Debbieg:- now this is a totally different situation. You have my utmost sympathy. In this instance my advice would be to throatlash the bounder and show no mercy, he is the lowest possible type of cad. You will survive my sweet, life goes on…. But please..without him! He is scum.
Bh:- yes. But don’t you think that ossmanship relates to most facets of life? And please do stop waving your bum at me! its most off putting!
Icey:- I’m glad you think of me as a cat amongst pigeons (I rather like that) more of a lamb to the slaughter I thought! I do believe it indeed!
Op:- the bucking incident indeed! 99% agreed. Wise thoughts! (you see it all relates to osses in the end)
Lesely:- yep!
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Post by blumke99 on Aug 12, 2005 15:25:14 GMT 1
As a bloke and also qualified to explain our behaviour, I just want to add that I disagree with vbm. It is not a minor incident to betray a trust, after however many years. I just wanted to assure you that not all men think it is trivial, acceptable or just par for the course in a 17 year relationship. Personally, I think it is a very deep betrayl and not something that can be (or should be) brushed off as expected male behaviour.
However, I would not tell you to stay or go - you obviously have many things to consider which make that decision very complicated. But forgiving for the benefit of your family is not the same as forgiving because it wasn't a big deal.
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vbm
Advanced Poster
Feel the devil inside you.
Posts: 278
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Post by vbm on Aug 12, 2005 16:18:03 GMT 1
* Rolls up sleaves, and settles in a bit (THT)* starting to feel a little more like home...
Ooowww ! Get 'mr Perfect' over there! So lets get this straight Kev. They guy has one 'minor indescretion' (lets not forget there was no actual infidelity) in 17 years and you consider that a "very deep betrayl" get real! (with yer flowery remedies an all)
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Post by blumke99 on Aug 12, 2005 16:52:47 GMT 1
Yep, I do.
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lovelylace
Grand Prix Poster
Always remember to ride with your soul, not your hands.
Posts: 4,541
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Post by lovelylace on Aug 12, 2005 17:05:42 GMT 1
Kevin- why are you qualified to explain your behaviour....?? not being rude just nosy if you're a psychiatrist or something??
I think I wouldnt see it as something that major...I think sometimes it is quite difficult to stay faithful (both for men and women,) and not saying that it is right in any way..but I am no angel and have been unfaithful myself and I did love my boyfriend at the time and it didn't make me love him less, rather the opposite...(ducking for the huge amount of abuse that I know will come) you seem a very nice guy though kevin, and I think guys like you are far and few between....however I also see vbm's point of view...
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Post by blumke99 on Aug 12, 2005 17:13:57 GMT 1
"Kevin- why are you qualified to explain your behaviour....?? not being rude just nosy if you're a psychiatrist or something??"
Oh no, nothing so fancy! I was following on from vbm when he said "I’m not saying they are, but they are like men and as one I think I’m better qualified to explain their behaviour than you" but no, I have no actual qualification to answer other than being the same sex as vbm.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these things don't happen, but I think its a bit rough to say its no big deal. If it is a deep relationship, then by default it will be a deep betrayal causing deep hurt. There are emotional betrayals, not just sexual ones. And I'm not saying she shouldn't forgive him if she wants to, but I don't think the basis of her forgiveness should be that men a destined to cheat on women and women should except it.
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lovelylace
Grand Prix Poster
Always remember to ride with your soul, not your hands.
Posts: 4,541
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Post by lovelylace on Aug 12, 2005 17:18:39 GMT 1
Fair enough, but women cheat too...I think it can be hurtful and I think it is up to each how they want to handle the situation.... I think that if you take the argument that men are suppose to spread their seed you also need to take into consideration that humans are a species that are giving birth to very "underdeveloped" children and they demand a lot of care from their parents, so should not nature have given men some sort of only breed as many babies as you can take care of...helping collecting food, providing shelter, warmth, hunting, etc.. or are we suppose to rely on the "herd" for that?? just wondering??
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Post by amma on Aug 12, 2005 20:01:48 GMT 1
I really feel for you Debbie. i remember last time you were let down by the male of the speciese. Do you still have Horriss? Big ((((((((HUGS)))))))) thru cyber space for you .
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debbieg
Intermediate Poster
It's not a problem, it's a challenge...
Posts: 227
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Post by debbieg on Aug 13, 2005 12:00:49 GMT 1
No Horriss went to live with a family last year one that had the experience and time (and many hands) to deal with him properly.. the monster. I missed him so much though that for my b'day last August I was given Raymond... like a dream come true he was waiting for me all wrapped up in pink ribbons... It has all been a bit of a financial struggle and I have been contemplating having to sell him and now he is in the paper (some friends are dealing with it as I am not coping with all of my dreams being shattered within a couple of weeks) I went to the doctors yesterday as things were getting me down quite badly (if you catch my drift) I am seeing him again on Monday. Funnily he started talking in "animal" terms too saying that what I am going through ie pregnancy is a time when I need physical as well as emotional support from ex OH and need to be held by him etc etc and to not worry about being all girl power because now is not the time, and to just go with what ever I felt necessary (as long as murder wasn't on the agenda) .... well I guess that's all well and good but how to catch up with ex OH when he is not partying, battle of the banding or burying his head in the sand is another matter!! I will look back on this in a couple of years and laugh I am sure
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Post by sam maxwell on Aug 13, 2005 12:18:48 GMT 1
I know how you feel, I was in hospital having treatment for cancer came home to find my husband has run off with my baby sitter less than half his age. We have small children together, I am trying to hold it all together, having to sell house, rehome animals, life must get better at some point....
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bj
Elementary Poster
Oldie but goodie.
Posts: 63
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Post by bj on Aug 13, 2005 20:24:08 GMT 1
OP - I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but I'm inclined to agree with VBM - his reply 14 anyway. OK, he may be oversimplifying things by ignoring the hurt you're feeling, but when push comes to shove, he's right. To err is human, to forgive, Divine ;)Chin up
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sharon
Elementary Poster
Posts: 62
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Post by sharon on Aug 13, 2005 20:51:01 GMT 1
But VBM they got married and took vows, not for me I grant you, but it should mean something surely?
If he was not happy he should have discussed it not gone after a bit of fluff for his frills!
If you have an open relationship with your partner and you each know the score then fine, but this was done on the sly by the sounds of it.
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Post by Cameo on Aug 13, 2005 22:53:42 GMT 1
vbm - that is a very naughty and insensitive reply! [Slap wrist!] If I didn't know you were a bloke, I coudl so easliy tell by your post! Tut tut! The crux here is how teh poster feels, not whether she is at fault! She is not responsible for his behaviour - I am afraid a horse is not the same as a man ( differnt mindset for a starter...!) Does that mean that if a woman "strays" it is his fault by your logic my dear?! Try to be a bit more tactful - and girls - if you want to get burnt, then vbm is obviously hot as a toaster!
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Post by Stella on Aug 14, 2005 13:13:07 GMT 1
You aint kidding Cameo !!! ;D ;D ;D
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