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Post by ladyndibs on Feb 25, 2014 17:24:14 GMT 1
Chantrelle I can't see your original post but I get the gist from Mollichop's reply. I have children and grandchildren which was something I always wanted but I think bringing a child into the world is possibly one of the most selfish thing anyone every does. The baby does not exist but you choose to create it, generally with very little certainty that you are going to be able to provide everything that child wants and needs physically and emotionally. It's strange that if we say we want a dog/cat/horse people will often ask if your sure? have you thought about it? they cost a lot can you afford it? it's a big responsibility and they live a long time but if someone comments they want a baby all the same things apply but to an even greater extent but people just accept that 'I want one' is enough. I hope you continue to enjoy yourself. If you want to buy even a goldfish from Pets at Home you have to fill in a questionnaire to ensure that you are able to care for the pet, can you imagine 'someone' popping up at your side whenever fertilisation was taking place to ensure your similar adequacy in caring for a child!! pmsl !! well the thought cheered me up anyway!! lol Mollichop I love that idea, perhaps it should be made compulsory
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 17:45:23 GMT 1
Thank you everyone. I'm feeling calmer and more rational now. Sorry about earlier, I was over tired and feeling a bit crappy. Think I'm getting a bit of a head cold. I do like children, I've always been good with them and I used to want them but now I've met my husband and I absolutely love our life together. I don't normally care what people think (actually, that's a lie but I know I shouldn't!) but this morning everything just seemed to get to me and I spent this morning in tears. Thank you for all you posts though, it was really nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this and to be able to talk to other people similar to myself. I drive people crazy with my animal photos I'm sure, I love my boys and post about them on a regular basis. I guess it's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black. x
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Post by gwenoakes on Feb 25, 2014 19:53:36 GMT 1
You only get one life, live it as YOU want and b*ggar anyone else. If your happy and contented the way you are then that is fine........ignore them. If you manage to do this you will find eventually they will have nothing to say re you having children because your not answering their questions which fuel more questions if you get what I mean.
Someone else may have put the above in a more polite way than I have and I havent read all replies.
One of my daughters doesnt want children and I back her 1000%, it is HER choice and nobody else's.
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Post by jamesb on Feb 25, 2014 21:14:46 GMT 1
Time for the bloke's response……… Something struck a chord on page 1 — you put "people keep telling me I'm wrong not to feel maternal." Quite frankly, how do they know?!?? Some women are, some women aren't. 'Right' and 'wrong' doesn't come into it, as far as I can see. Full marks to you for being self-aware enough to know that having children isn't for you. I've never wanted them myself as I'd not be capable of looking after them, especially if they were anything like me! LOL This thread puts me in mind of a conversation I had with my best friend at school, all those years ago. I said "I never want kids" to which she replied "It'll be different when you have them." Contradiction, anyone?
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Post by julz on Feb 25, 2014 23:08:51 GMT 1
would love to see a pregnant man......
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Post by mollichop on Feb 25, 2014 23:26:20 GMT 1
If you want to buy even a goldfish from Pets at Home you have to fill in a questionnaire to ensure that you are able to care for the pet, can you imagine 'someone' popping up at your side whenever fertilisation was taking place to ensure your similar adequacy in caring for a child!! pmsl !! well the thought cheered me up anyway!! lol Mollichop I love that idea, perhaps it should be made compulsory so who owns a clipboard, a spiral bound notepad and a pen then??? lololol any takers and the jobs yours!! pmsl
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Post by julz on Feb 26, 2014 9:40:27 GMT 1
so who owns a clipboard, a spiral bound notepad and a pen then??? lololol any takers and the jobs yours!! pmsl A reporter has all those items.... Or perhaps it should be the work of Social Services... if they ask the right questions they might get their job right... esp if the questions were put to vulnerable people
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Post by portiabuzz on Feb 26, 2014 13:56:14 GMT 1
i would
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Post by mollichop on Feb 26, 2014 17:10:46 GMT 1
lol there's a name for that!!
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Post by kafee on Feb 26, 2014 23:34:02 GMT 1
It's your life, live it the way you want to. I'm envious of the amount of time and money that you haven't spent on kids. If I hadn't had children, we could have bought a house with land, a horse lorry, and I could have had regular lessons, and RA visits, competed and done lots of things with horses, and have holidays. But I chose to have children instead and I don't regret it, that was my/our decision. What's right for one person isn't necessarily right for someone else.
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Post by antares on Feb 27, 2014 9:55:16 GMT 1
you have my sympathy OP!!!
I've never wanted kids either - all of my friends have kids and my SIL was totally obsessed with wanting a baby, it really is all she ever wanted and I don't think she could understand why I didn't have the urge. Every time I saw her she was prying asking questions, when are me and hubby gonna have a baby - I actually don't think she believed me when I said we had no plans for a child.
Now her and my brother have a baby (well he will be one in a few weeks) and she doesn't ask me anymore, I think she's maybe realised that it's not as easy as she thought, holding down a full time job etc. and was more expensive than she thought too which were two of my main reasons for not wanting my own children. She has also seen how totally alien it is for me to have a baby in my arms lol
Friends have stopped asking me too now which is great although hubby's mum did ask him recently but she never asks me
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Post by portiabuzz on Feb 27, 2014 10:59:15 GMT 1
each to their own and thats how it should be xx
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2014 21:21:04 GMT 1
My daughter has nver wanted children either, one her OH has epilepsy, and as he was adopted at a young age we have no idea ifg any of his birth parents had the condition either so we have no idea if its an inherited condition or not............and as he says 'why would I wish to pass that onto a child'..........but daughter is not a maternal person, all their 'children' have 4 legs and live in stables, they can go out or away for a weekend at the drop of a hat (as long as I can look after the dogs) . Her mother in law used to nag at her for not having children but she has stopped now after daughter blew up at her one Sunday lunchtime. They have neices and nephews and cousins and god children as well so they have children in their lives, but as daughter says 'its lovely having them for a day but even nicer to be able to hand them back to their parents'
Its up to individual choice whether you hve children or not, some people can't have them and long for them and go through hell to have them, but at the end of the day no one should feel bullied into having little ones
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 28, 2014 20:35:49 GMT 1
That's another thing, my husband is adopted. His blood sister has MRKH Syndrome which only affects women but men can be carriers. As Christine0810 says, we don't know about the rest of the family (he has two sisters, one has it) and why would we risk it? We can't afford DNA checks etc so isn't it best to just avoid the risk? Especially as we really aren't that bothered about having children.
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Post by kristine on Mar 1, 2014 19:08:37 GMT 1
You're not alone. 42 here... no kids, not necessarily opposed to them, it just never worked out. The idea of having a kid just to have one and being a single parent never was appealing. I also have a high risk job and no husband. The thought of adoption is not out of the question, but again... I'd have to live a much more grown-up, responsible life. What's the fun in that?
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