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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 9:08:50 GMT 1
Sorry if this offends anyone!
All my friends are having children and I literally mean all of them. They post all these photos to facebook of their new babies and tell me all about projectile poop. I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want kids/don't know if I can have them but explaining that to people and they say I'm selfish and missing out on the best chapter of my life. I get told that it's unfair of me not to make my mum a grandparent and make her and my husband proud of me. Excuse me but they are already proud of me and my mum wouldn't be 'stuck' with the child screaming all night when she leaves after her visit.
I just dont know what to do as I want to be happy for my friends and excited for them but all this baby craze is doing my head in!
Like I said, I'm sorry if my post offends anyone. It's not my intention to. I just needed somewhere away from my friends to say it all. I'm sorry.
ps: this was longer but I accidentally deleted it! oops!
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Post by mollichop on Feb 25, 2014 9:15:13 GMT 1
Hi Chantrelle, hope you feel better now having got that lot off your chest!! Parenthood is not for everyone and you have to live your life for you and the person/people that you choose to share it with. No-one should be berated for doing that. On FB recently I have seen some posts that say basically 'live your life for you and not others, as they do not walk in your shoes" how true!
I agree that people can feel pressured into justifying why they are not churning out children and grand children it takes a lot to draw breath, smile state your case and move on. Lol I just reminded myself of the video interview I saw recently about being gay or straight. An interviewer was asking random people when they decided to be straight? Seeing them think about it and the penny drop was sooo funny. Maybe you could use thus to turn the question back on your 'reproductive friends' Why did they feel the need to have children? We're all different and do different things.......
Enjoy your Holidays!
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 9:35:17 GMT 1
ahhhhh, it deleted my original post. nooooooooooo
Thank you for your reply. xxx
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Post by ladyndibs on Feb 25, 2014 9:44:47 GMT 1
Chantrelle I can't see your original post but I get the gist from Mollichop's reply.
I have children and grandchildren which was something I always wanted but I think bringing a child into the world is possibly one of the most selfish thing anyone every does.
The baby does not exist but you choose to create it, generally with very little certainty that you are going to be able to provide everything that child wants and needs physically and emotionally.
It's strange that if we say we want a dog/cat/horse people will often ask if your sure? have you thought about it? they cost a lot can you afford it? it's a big responsibility and they live a long time but if someone comments they want a baby all the same things apply but to an even greater extent but people just accept that 'I want one' is enough.
I hope you continue to enjoy yourself.
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 9:52:08 GMT 1
That's a really good point. Thank you.
People say I'm selfish and weird for not wanting children. If I'm honest why would anyone want to bring a child into this world now? It's a horrible place to live, people can't be trusted and they are violent and horrible. Things cost so much money, the weather is becoming more and more destructive and the world is going to hell. It scares me and I wouldn't bring a child into this world. I wouldn't want to.
As you can tell, I'm in a good mood today.
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Post by kizi on Feb 25, 2014 9:57:36 GMT 1
Your not alone! I had that for years! Now all my friends are still having babies and also posting about projectile poop! My cousin did just last night haha but I'm ok with that.. That's their thing.. They put up with my endless posts about my animals and the weather! For a few years I did get constant 'any news' wink wink looks etc but they got bored of asking... They did accept that I don't have kids, tho, now since my partner passed away I guess it made that acceptance easier for them... And for a while it made it harder for me to see their baby pics because even though we chose not to have babies, the option to change my mind was taken from me in some ways.. And, it's always an option to change your mind, which I may have.. But I am still ok with my decision.. If that makes sense.. You only get one life and it's yours, not theirs! They have their own and everyone has to accept that. I never ruled babies out altogether but I did chose not to have them up to now, that was my decision and I am ok with it, if you are ok with your decision they will see that!!! I can't understand why some of my friends and family don't wants dogs and cats and horses and goats, because I adore them! But I get it!! I did once have a heated argument with an Italian vet who I worked with who couldn't understand why I had no plan to stop working and have babies, his wife was at home in Italy apparently waiting for him to return so they could start a family and be a cook  that's how they do it, he found it very difficult to accept my way, I was wrong, but, in time he did respect it as my choice. |
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Post by kizi on Feb 25, 2014 10:02:01 GMT 1
That's a really good point. Thank you. People say I'm selfish and weird for not wanting children. If I'm honest why would anyone want to bring a child into this world now? It's a horrible place to live, people can't be trusted and they are violent and horrible. Things cost so much money, the weather is becoming more and more destructive and the world is going to hell. It scares me and I wouldn't bring a child into this world. I wouldn't want to. As you can tell, I'm in a good mood today. I can't agree more, my decision not to have children was simply because I didn't want that life, I didn't want more responsibility, the ultimate responsibility, I have arthritis, did from a young age and I refused to pass that on, but also because I felt I was too selfish, I wanted to live my life my way, not be ruled by school runs and the like. That was when I got awful looks and comments, when I said things like that but I felt it would be unfair to bring a child into the world that I might resent. I was enjoying life too much. Now if I brought a child into the world I'd be doing it alone and that would be even more unfair on that little person!!! |
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 10:18:03 GMT 1
We admit that we love our life as it it, we're happy together not having to always think about a child. We have pets and they are enough of a commitment for us. We've already said when these animals go then we are not having anymore because we don;t want the tie anymore.
We don't want to change our lives and to me, that's not selfish. It would be more selfish to bring a child into this world and still want to live as we do now. But other people, parents, don't see it that way. They think I should want to have a baby, that there is something wrong with a woman who doesn't want that. I've got to the point of saying 'I can't have children' now as mostly people don't ask any further than that. One person did, telling me to try IVF etc and to me that just seemed very rude and I don't really consider her a friend now.
I'm just having a bad, hormonal day and just getting told about my friend getting projecting poop in the face at 7am this morning just pushed me over the edge!!!
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Post by cookie on Feb 25, 2014 10:30:25 GMT 1
I'm afraid we go through spells in our lives when it feels like everyone is doing something whether that's college, buying a house, getting married or having babies. Or even getting their own horse when for whatever reason its not the right time or right thing for us.
What age are you? I only ask as ten years ago I would have made the same post. Now I'm 39 with a toddler and a baby, and my first horse things changed for me, they may not of course for you.
Fb isn't real life, you don't know what s going on in anyones life via fb. Just be glad to be happy and content for now x x
Sent from my GT-I9100 using proboards
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Post by cookie on Feb 25, 2014 10:36:06 GMT 1
Ps think carefully about saying that you can't have kids. You may cause distress to your family and friends who care about you as well as any one who is having real difficulties you may not know about x
Sent from my GT-I9100 using proboards
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 10:43:17 GMT 1
I'm 27 and my husband is 28.
Kizi, sorry I hadn't seen your first post, I'm very sorry about your partner. (Hug)
My husband has said he wouldn't consider children after the age of 29 and if I decided I did want children, it wouldn't be with him. This isn't a problem as I know that I won't because he is my world and I'd happily say never to kids than to lose him! We are happy and extremely loved up (puke puke lol) and I love the fact that we can just pack up and disappear for a week with little notice and planning. The dogs can come with us (or go in to kennels) for a night and the cat can survive with a bowl of food and some water in his room if we just wanted to go away for the night and I love it. But people keep telling me I'm wrong not to feel maternal.
I used to. I used to really want children but then I met my husband and now, no. My life has changed and the thought of having a child fills me with dread.
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Post by julz on Feb 25, 2014 10:45:39 GMT 1
I've never wanted kids either, I've known this since childhood, Im now in me 40's and still have no kids.. none of the two legged variety anyway  Babies really do not interest me, and should I have friends who constantly talk about them and thier toilet habits, I'm afraid I'd hit the delete button (delete the post from the news feed, not the unfriend button) If people cannot take your wishes into account then maybe it's time to move on from them? |
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 10:49:04 GMT 1
Ps think carefully about saying that you can't have kids. You may cause distress to your family and friends who care about you as well as any one who is having real difficulties you may not know about It's partly true, I had a major car crash that has messed up my hormonal stuff and now I can go months without a period etc. Also I have become crazy paranoid and huge levels of anxiety. My family and close friends know the situation. I'm not trying to cause upset to people who can't have children, as far as I know I can't and thats for many different reasons as well as the ones I mentioned. |
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Post by julz on Feb 25, 2014 10:49:27 GMT 1
I'm just having a bad, hormonal day and just getting told about my friend getting projecting poop in the face at 7am this morning just pushed me over the edge!!! Does her baby not wear a nappy? Incidently, babies make certain facial expressions when pooping... maybe your friend could learn to read this and not take the nappy off at that exact moment? (have enough nieces to have seen this before) |
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 10:52:45 GMT 1
I've never wanted kids either, I've known this since childhood, Im now in me 40's and still have no kids.. none of the two legged variety anyway Babies really do not interest me, and should I have friends who constantly talk about them and thier toilet habits, I'm afraid I'd hit the delete button (delete the post from the news feed, not the unfriend button) If people cannot take your wishes into account then maybe it's time to move on from them? Yes, as soon as a friend say's she is pregnant or that they are expecting a baby then their posts get hidden. It sounds harsh but I don't care. Especially about little bubba's latest nappy fillings and how bad it smelt on a train. Thats not funny to me. I post loads of photos of my animals, same rule applies, if my friends dont like it, they can hide my posts. |
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that's how they do it, he found it very difficult to accept my way, I was wrong, but, in time he did respect it as my choice.
