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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 10:54:39 GMT 1
I'm just having a bad, hormonal day and just getting told about my friend getting projecting poop in the face at 7am this morning just pushed me over the edge!!! Does her baby not wear a nappy? Incidently, babies make certain facial expressions when pooping... maybe your friend could learn to read this and not take the nappy off at that exact moment? (have enough nieces to have seen this before) First time mum, baby 3 days old and she was in the middle of changing her. The 'baby' sent me a text laughing about it.
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Post by kizi on Feb 25, 2014 11:12:51 GMT 1
Your life, your choice. They made theirs.. Maybe they need you to do the same so they won't feel jealous of your freedom...! There's nothing wrong with living your own life! I do! Sod them that disagree! I used to hold grudges and get annoyed, now I shrug it off, if they don't understand me... They don't understand me.. Simples!
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Post by chantrelle on Feb 25, 2014 11:23:21 GMT 1
Kizi, I like your thinking :-)
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Post by portiabuzz on Feb 25, 2014 11:39:10 GMT 1
That's a really good point. Thank you. People say I'm selfish and weird for not wanting children. If I'm honest why would anyone want to bring a child into this world now? It's a horrible place to live, people can't be trusted and they are violent and horrible. Things cost so much money, the weather is becoming more and more destructive and the world is going to hell. It scares me and I wouldn't bring a child into this world. I wouldn't want to. As you can tell, I'm in a good mood today. I can't agree more, my decision not to have children was simply because I didn't want that life, I didn't want more responsibility, the ultimate responsibility, I have arthritis, did from a young age and I refused to pass that on, but also because I felt I was too selfish, I wanted to live my life my way, not be ruled by school runs and the like. That was when I got awful looks and comments, when I said things like that but I felt it would be unfair to bring a child into the world that I might resent. I was enjoying life too much. Now if I brought a child into the world I'd be doing it alone and that would be even more unfair on that little person!!! kizi xx
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Post by portiabuzz on Feb 25, 2014 11:40:20 GMT 1
i never wanted kids until i met my OH, now i really do but thats the point, your free to live your life how you want. thats why am not with my ex anymore he controlled it and no one should but you xxx
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Post by ruthp on Feb 25, 2014 13:54:18 GMT 1
Hi Chantrelle,
You are not alone, even if it feels like it right now! I'm now 49, happily married for 23 years and all our children have four legs. Neither of us wanted them, so we didn't have them. I remember that phase in our early marriage when everyone was having children, and I got a lot of preassure from a fairly interfering mother in law, but it does pass. And your friends will start respecting your choices eventually, particularly when you're swanning off to exotic places and they are booked into Centre Parks again!
I didn't have the added pressure of FB, texts etc. but remember people like to validate their own choices, and the best way do do that is to persuade those around them that they have made the best choice. And for a lot of people having children is wonderful - the best part of their lives. You need to be able to respect and even celebrate their choice, just as they need to respect yours.
Keep your chin up. It will get better!
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Post by Hannah on Feb 25, 2014 14:02:44 GMT 1
I've been married 6 years and have just hit 30, people have just about stopped asking when I'm having kids. I had a good excuse when hubby was in the Army as I "didn't want to deliberately become a single mother" for several months at a time as he was away a lot. Now I just say with horses, dogs and chickens, why would I need more dependants! When I see friends with children in person (or posting on fb) I just revel in the fact that we can pop out for supper without the need for military planning and can have a lie in at the weekend
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2014 14:34:30 GMT 1
tbh, I think when it comes to facebook, most people post about what's on their own agenda, I post loads about the horses, and some of my friends aren't in the least bit horsey, and I've got an increasing number of friends posting about babies which don't really interest me, in a few years they might be posting about new cars or bigger houses, it's just what's current in each of our lives.
That's different though to this stupid expectation that society seems to have, that women in their 20's and 30's SHOULD be making babies. I don't know if I'll have kids but if I do it'll be when I want to, not when anyone else thinks it's right. I'm much like Hannah, if anyone asks me I tell them I can't afford, and don't have time, to feed any more mouths - which is true!!
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Post by troop on Feb 25, 2014 14:40:02 GMT 1
Ok i know EXACTLY how you feel. I do not wish nor ever wish to have children apart from the fact i would struggle to carry a child full term (lucky i dont wanna be a mum really) i get called selfish and "how can i be a complete woman without children" .... add swear word here please.... Luckily my mum understands and my little brother has provided the grandkids . I post non stop about my animals ad must drive everyone insane with my constant nattering about nothing. I dont mind people chattering on about their kids i just avois the breastfeeding bits
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Post by sharonh on Feb 25, 2014 15:01:16 GMT 1
I've known since I was about 14 that I didn't want children and got a lot of stick for it when I was younger. "Wait til you meet Mr Right " was a favourite expression and it drove me mad. The only person who ever took me seriously was a lovely but quite scary lady doctor at the family planning clinic when I asked about being sterilised. I was aghast to find out then that one needed the 'permission' of one's husband for that operation but funnily enough when I had my husband seen to, no-one asked me for my permission! I'm now 54 and I can honestly say I have never regretted not having any and as time has passed several of my friends have been honest enough to tell me that given their time over again, they wouldn't have bothered having children either. Why do we spend so much of our lives trying to fit in or please other people? Life's too short for that. Do what YOU want to do and sod everyone else, that's my advice. XX
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Post by mollichop on Feb 25, 2014 15:32:18 GMT 1
Chantrelle I can't see your original post but I get the gist from Mollichop's reply. I have children and grandchildren which was something I always wanted but I think bringing a child into the world is possibly one of the most selfish thing anyone every does. The baby does not exist but you choose to create it, generally with very little certainty that you are going to be able to provide everything that child wants and needs physically and emotionally. It's strange that if we say we want a dog/cat/horse people will often ask if your sure? have you thought about it? they cost a lot can you afford it? it's a big responsibility and they live a long time but if someone comments they want a baby all the same things apply but to an even greater extent but people just accept that 'I want one' is enough. I hope you continue to enjoy yourself. If you want to buy even a goldfish from Pets at Home you have to fill in a questionnaire to ensure that you are able to care for the pet, can you imagine 'someone' popping up at your side whenever fertilisation was taking place to ensure your similar adequacy in caring for a child!! pmsl !! well the thought cheered me up anyway!! lol
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Post by portiabuzz on Feb 25, 2014 15:38:10 GMT 1
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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wills
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Post by wills on Feb 25, 2014 16:26:22 GMT 1
Annnnd breathe everybody. OP it is entirely your choice if you want kids or not & nobody should try and pressure you into it. However if you feel that strongly against your friends kids, then maybe you should back of a little from them & try widen the circle of children less friends. I'm 22 & have a 2 year old, my closest friend is 25 and never wants kids. I don't understand that, but I respect her decision & I'm sure she thinks the samw about me
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Post by lizpurlo on Feb 25, 2014 16:44:46 GMT 1
I'm another of the 'happily childless' clan. I've never, ever even picked a tiny baby up, bar a plastic one at a First Aid class!
I've never been much of a one to bother about what other people thought of me. To be honest, so long as those I love and care about understand my reasons, and accept my decision, everyone else can say what they like.
My lovely man and I have had a grand time these last twenty years, with only our animals to love and worry about. I wouldn't change a thing.
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Post by kizi on Feb 25, 2014 17:21:38 GMT 1
Everyone who knows me now knows my mind, if I turned around and told them I was pregnant they would be in total shock hahaha I don't dislike kids tho, I love working with them, I adore my niece and nephew.. If ever I wavered on the kids thing it was when my nephew came along.. He's 3 this year and I haven't ever changed his happy yuk ha! But he loves going on my tractor! I'm the cool aunt, that'll do!! Then when he's tired grumpy and mucky he goes home
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