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Post by specialized on Dec 29, 2013 16:54:09 GMT 1
Lots of good advice given here, the only thing I would add is that when you are in a good 2-way relationship trust is never an issue because you never even need to think about it. In my experience once trust becomes an issue there is often an underlying problem.
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Post by portiabuzz on Dec 30, 2013 9:41:02 GMT 1
Troop sorry not replied earlier stuck in my own troubles !!
You sound so similar to me, I have massive trust issues and have put my OH through a lot of hoops in the last 3 and half years. If am honest it's taken a longgggg time to open up he's stood by me through me constantly checking up on him but I love him with all my heart so trust is there but is fragile xxx
Hugs xxxxxxxx
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Post by troop on Dec 30, 2013 14:12:46 GMT 1
Do not apologise PB, unfortunately my OH has put me through hoops at times to although he was having a bit of a breakdown so i guess that is why i forgave him . Im pretty sure i wont ever trust a man again there really is no point im sorry to say this is not cause of OH by the way. Have been trawling for jobs cant find a thing that i can actually do it is not a good time of year to look. I keep thinking if only i had land at home i could have a small livery my stables are fab its just hardly any turnout available so i cannot possibly make it work. I must admit i pulled a sickie today i couldnt face work OH has been back to check im ok and make me a panad he seems worried and even bought me some hair dye as he knows that usually makes me feel better i cant even face dying my hair. Im at home watching a horror movie. Feeling defeated right now sorry to be scribbling kind of feel better and its easier than actually speaking words. Thanks everyone for your help as per usual. I do listen promise even if i dont seem to. I really dont get why i cant just figure stuff out. Never been good at this life stuff.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 14:22:43 GMT 1
Troop now please don't bite my head off when I say this as I'm having little bells ringing here. YOur post reminds me so much of one of daughter's friends, Caroline, she has jsut been diagnosed with Asbergers syndrome, she feels much like you do on a day to day basis, took the medics a long time to get to the bottom of it all but am wondering if you might think about getting checked out for it as well................like I said only a suggestion but its almost exactly what Caroline used to say before she knew how to deal with all the symptoms...........like she said afterwards 'once things have a label then you know what to deal with'
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Post by troop on Dec 30, 2013 14:47:52 GMT 1
I dont even know what that is christine0810 and no i wont bite your head off to be honest im more likely to burst into tears than go shouting at anyone currently. I did go see a head doc and even she admitted she was confused by me i didnt hold out much hope after that. I was told i have fibro but i dont even know if i really believe that i think its just doctors giving up. I was told i have depression but i wasnt given any medication or help for it i usually just wonder through stuff on my own terms.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 15:42:32 GMT 1
time then for you to change your GP and find one that will listen to your medical symptoms.........if you have got a form of depression then maybe yes you might need some help, be it counselling, meds or whatever, it took ages for mine to get sorted out but now it is and I know what I have then its easier to deal with it. If you have fibro then they should at least done some more investigations and given you help and meds for that as well. Think its time to start stamping feeties until someone listens I would!
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Post by julz on Dec 30, 2013 16:30:50 GMT 1
been diagnosed with Asbergers syndrome, Do you mean Aspergers Syndrome? this is a milder form of autism. the sufferer may just have difficulties in everyday life, but academically be very bright, or artistic. I had a friend who was diagnosed with this, he was a bus driver, and a talented artist but also had something else about him, couldn't put your finger on it.... it all made sense after his diagnosis. Apparently this is harder to diagnose than autism as the spectrum is so wide and there are so many variations, and some people go through thier entire life not knowing they may have this. It#s nothing to be ashamed off, but if anyone does have it, you will get more help more quickly.
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Post by troop on Dec 30, 2013 16:43:35 GMT 1
I have seen all the doctors in this area (not many i guess seeing as its a small practice) some mildly better than others, nobody left to see and the hospitals are horrendous. I am not nearly bright so that rules that out infact i do not have anything that i am actually "good at" no hidden skills that excell me im just average if not below. hah.
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Post by HolsBols on Dec 30, 2013 16:45:18 GMT 1
oh troop, its awful that you are going through the mill again. I know what you have been through in the past with your OH but it really sounds like hes turned a new leaf because he would never have done what he is doing now for you. reading what you have put i get an overwhelming sense that he does really love you. I had a bit of a to do with my OH once because someone sent me a text inviting me round while i was with him. I hadnt spoken to this bloke in months and it took a job for me to explain to my OH that i cant control who messages me, but i can control who i reply to and i didnt reply to him. You said that he didnt seem to reply to these messages... Honey you are going through crap, and because of it the world around you feels like its falling down around you. I could be way off the mark here but your brain does like to work overdrive at timesv take a deep breath, and remember he wouldnt be coming home to check youre ok or telling you to chill out when he recognises that you are having an off day if he was up to no good. Hed be way to tucked up in his own life to even notice what you are going through. Go give him a massive cuddle, have a cry and come up with a plan about what you will do for a job and with your animals etc and include him in that. You are not facing this alone troop, and you have every single one of us on here backing you every step of the way xxxx hugs xxxxxxx
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 16:53:15 GMT 1
thats it Julz thank you! Troop just because you say you aren't 'bright' at anything then you are doing yourself a massive disservice...........it took ages for daughters friend to be diagnosed, like Julz says because the spectrum is so wide and symptoms vary from person to person, no one is the same as anyone else it does not mean you might/might not have it at all..........it was jsut an observation as you sound so like Caroline, she isn;t a talented artist or anything like that..........BUT is might be an avenue worth exploring...........and likes Hols says we are all here for you xxxxxx
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Post by ladyndibs on Dec 30, 2013 16:56:01 GMT 1
It's really hard to find the strength to get stuff sorted when you're feeling so low, been there, done it and still doing it. If you can find it in you to write down all the weird and wonderful feelings you have and also how often and take it to a Dr it will help especially if there someone you are close to other than OH that could go with you? It's often so much easier to speak up for someone else than yourself and make the decision that you're not leaving till you get some help. It will be up to you to decide if being given tablets is enough or if you want some other form of help. So often the time when you are least able to help yourself is the time you really have to stand up and say I need help and I need it know.
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Post by rosemaryhannah on Dec 30, 2013 18:28:27 GMT 1
In rural areas it is really really hard to get a good job. However, it seems to me that you are perhaps a bit depressed - for instance you say you are not bright - taking a national kind of average that is plainly rubbish. You read, you write, and if you can do bar work, you can count.
I think you need to get back to the Drs and explain you think you are depressed. That you want help of some kind for it, and accept either the pills or the counselling or both. I think however lack lustre your local GP practice is, they will not turn away somebody with depression. Once you are feeling a bit better, then you will find it easier to get a job. Really, you have two options. One is to go far bar work where you live while you try to work out if you can make a subsidiary income on the side - holidays might not call for much turn out, you could try. And the other is to sell - or rehome - or put to sleep - your horses, and make a break with the past, moving to a city and making a real effort to find the kind of work you think might be fulfilling.
The only other option I can think of is to decide to train as an RA, taking out a career development loan with the bank to cover the fees. That might be worth exploring.
I do sympathise, perhaps more than it shows here, because I have faced not dissimilar problems and at a greater age where there were fewer options open to me.
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Post by julz on Dec 30, 2013 20:01:42 GMT 1
My sister suggested I may have this, but being quite shocked at this... I've dismissed it... there are things I don't like that *could* be within the spectrum, but it could also just be me... I guess no-one wants to think of themselves as being "disabled" in this way.... If you ask your GP for a referral for tests for it, then I will too..
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Post by rosemaryhannah on Dec 30, 2013 20:41:41 GMT 1
Well so many people have some autistic features - being logical for pity's sake!
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Post by troop on Dec 30, 2013 20:59:52 GMT 1
Reading symptoms i have loads but surely everyone does dont they? Meh! City life not for me too many people can only cope with that very short times.
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