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Post by troop on Dec 28, 2013 22:12:09 GMT 1
I dont think 2014 will be a good year i dont feel i can trust my OH (more later) i will be losing my job and dont feel i can find another i will enjoy (i didnt dream of working a bar for the rest of my life) so i can get a job which plunges me further into depression and makes me pile on the weight again. i wont be able to care for my horses so atleast some will have to go but god only knows where (no market for them) . We just celebrated 5 year anniverssary of huge ups and downs but thought we were past the worst but over the years occassionally i have picked up OH phone (he is welcome to mine if he wishes) and tonight i opened it thinking it might be one off his kids but it wasnt it was a woman saying "im home now i do hope you can ring me" ok fair enough BUT i have noticed a message a few months ago saying "my husband id out you can ring between .... and ,...." and another saying "we really need to talk please call" these have been messages when i have looked at phone these 3 times over the last 2 years. Now i maybe stupidly ignore them to a certain extent as i have no proof or feeling something is wrong but tonight im not so sure. Early on we went to pub and this lady leaned over and comented to OH (fair enough) then later she siddled over to where we were sitting bent over in front of fire and seemed a little flirty looking towards OH mumbling something about warming her extremities i laughed but OH looked nervous and seemingly blanked her so she beamed at me and chatted about some rubbish then left seemed very fake but whatever. I said after she left that she had obviously been talking to my OH not me and i didnt know her from adam he said yes you know her that is L and she is married to so and so .... Oh ok! But just over 2 hrs later this lady whos name is also L has text sayin she is now home hope he can phone her...... I am afraid i text her back saying what is going on with you two? Got a message back saying "what do you mean?" i didnt answer but i probably shouldnt have answered even if i did read it (wrongly or rightly) . I have confidence issues which OH tries to help me with he is always very complimentary even when im dressed like a tramp. I have health issues which he is good about in general reminding me about tablets and bandaging my many mishaps. He pays bills and helps me when he can so why cant i just trust him? He has caused issues in the past but we have got past these things over the years so i thought. I dont know maybe its something and nothing or maybe im being taken for a mug. I feel totally rotten tonight and am fed up with life never settling i am in constant turmoil about everything and im tired and just dont feel like i can bebothered anymore.
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Post by Hannah on Dec 28, 2013 22:32:09 GMT 1
Oh troop my love, how I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. Having met you and spent time with you, I KNOW you are a lovely person, kind and entertaining despite having some health troubles. The way you have written this down, it doesn't sound like you trust him and I know you have had ups and downs. If you don't think you can work things out, you need to make a clean break and vow not to go back regardless of how nice he can be, how lonely you feel etc. I really hope I'm not speaking out of turn but I feel you need to get out of the dark depths of Wales and enjoy your life a bit.. there is a spare room here and you are welcome to come for a bit of a break xxxx
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 0:12:58 GMT 1
Troop [[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]] and yes if I had a magic wand I would make it all better for you as well. Why don;t you take Hannah up on her offer and have a break sounds like you need to get away and clear your head for a little while, think things through without anyone putting the pressure on...............as for OH well can't say much there as I walked away from mine a long time ago, a lot of similar things to you and I didn't trust him, went with my gut feeling and told him to leave, best thing I ever did telling him to get out of my life and stop messing with my mind
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Post by lizpurlo on Dec 29, 2013 0:48:53 GMT 1
Troop, I can't add anything useful to the above lovely messages, so just sending more (((hugs)))) your way. Wish I could win that blimmin' lottery and help you out properly.
Don't despair, 2014 could just be your year to make magic happen. None of us know what's round the corner. xx
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Post by mollichop on Dec 29, 2013 9:18:34 GMT 1
Sending lots of ((((hugs)))) for you Troop and lots of positive healing energy. From the outside with what you have out on the table I would tell OH to sling his hook with the hooker from the pub! You are worthy of better love, love that is positive, makes you feel cherished and blessed. This is your divine right - it is not good that you feed his ego by accepting his leftovers. It sounds as though his contribution to you is more of a tangible one, helping out with money etc, that side will take care of itself if you can take care of yourself and can be brave enough to trust, firstly yourself, that you don't need his energy polluting yours (being a cause of your depression and low self esteem) and when you have shaken off that mantle trust that the universe will provide what you do need - sounding slightly La-La now but it really doesn't sound as though he is good for you and how can you be right and soar when he is holding you down? If you can take Hannah up on her offer, please do, it will give you time to look back on your situation, to reflect and to give you some clarity about the path ahead of you. Thinking of you x
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Post by ladyndibs on Dec 29, 2013 9:30:28 GMT 1
I read and reread your post and really didn't have any gems of wisdom to offer just my sympathy that you are in such a difficult position. Whatever decision you do (or don't) make won't alter the fact that you have many friends on the DG and whatever you decide is best for you won't change that.
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Post by gwenoakes on Dec 29, 2013 11:01:20 GMT 1
Lots of HUGE hugs to you, Troop.
Knowing some of the probs you have had and things you have been through in the past I am going to ask you to ask yourself a few questions. They are not nice questions and I DO NOT mean it to sound nasty, but here goes.
Firstly, do you love your OH and I mean really love him? Secondly do you trust your OH and I mean really trust him? Thirdly could you manage emotionally without OH, fourthly could you manage financially without him and fifthly could you manage physically without him?
I really hope you dont take offence at the above, but I feel these are the main questions you should be asking yourself and based on the answers will depend on what/where you go from here.
If I am in a real quandry about anything I make two lists - one the good and one the bad and base my decisions on which outweighs the other. Sometimes we are just too close to the woods to see the trees and writing things down always helps me to see clearer, if you see what I mean.
Take care. XXX
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Post by Liz on Dec 29, 2013 11:10:06 GMT 1
I cannot add anything to the above but send you good wishes and hugs
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Post by julz on Dec 29, 2013 12:01:41 GMT 1
Please call Breathing space, if only to sound it out loud, and get assurance that there is help out there.... I really feel you ya, Huge hugs hun xx
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Post by troop on Dec 29, 2013 13:40:14 GMT 1
Thank you everyone i spoke to a very good friend late last night and she says as he doesnt appear to have answered her in text or from phone calls perhaps thats a good thing. The issue with OH (or not) is that he is always helping people male and female and some of the women (being bored farmers wives) tend to see this almost as a come on i have been on the other side of this being just friendly and the men seeing it as something entirely different its been a nightmare at times. The thing is no i do not trust him BUT i do not trust anybody really so what difference does it make. Financially im neither here nor there i have managed alone before and i have no issue about not being in a couple. I do love him a lot we fit well and when things are going well we gel brilliantly but when we fall out i tend to just run off and move out and leave we dont tend to nit pick or just bicker at all he invites me out on nights out but mostly he just works in garage with his son then comes home and cooks tea. Emotionally i dont know i suppose he is always good for listening to me or just sitting and snuggling which is good although when he gets stressed out he closes off as much as i do and we end up not talking much. Havent taken offence to anything anybody said i know i fruit loop out on you all here quite a bit you bunch are my best crash area im afraid (sorry) . I mean last week a bloke i know decided to ask me to start a blinking fling with him i said no and i told OH a few days later as i felt he should know but i doubt he would tell me the same although that may be more to do with him knowing how upset i would get. Arghhhhh i just dont know everything is so up in the air at the minute which just panics me and i feel i just wanna run and hide. He knew i was upset this morning and insisted coming to yard to help me with horses and fix stuff and he has now gone to garage with son to work a bit. He can see im not doing good today and said to just chill out so im just snuggled on sofa in tears wondering what to do about everything. Its so annoying as just when stuff starts settling down it all goes boots up again. Maybe im just too dramatic and need to calm down first.
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Post by troop on Dec 29, 2013 13:44:41 GMT 1
By the way i do not actually know that the two ladies are the same person if that makes sense. The only other L i know is his ex wifes sister so i guess it could be her and im sure i recall him saying he had a bit of a thing with her about 20 0dd years ago or so not thing serious but i know it sounds stupid but it did cross my mind that its something to do with that..... I haver a vivid imagination can you tell? Hannah i can barely afford a bus into work and home let alone to leave home and cant leave the horses or dogs realistically.
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Post by KimT on Dec 29, 2013 13:59:21 GMT 1
Oh Troop. I wish I could help out somehow but I have no land and too many horses myself. lol.
Deep breaths. Just relax, take a minute to think about things an form a plan. Could Bernadette at shy lowen help with one of yours? Even if you find a home for one it might help. Shame I have no room. Baffle sounds so much like Ellie in sure Id love him instantly. It may take awhile to sort the plan out but it may give u something to focus on.
As for your other half I think u have to trust him or not. Ive had a few bad relationships which left their marks and its taken me a long time to trust him. I know I cant do anything about how women may react to him. I just need to trust he wont do anything back.
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Post by troop on Dec 29, 2013 14:13:48 GMT 1
I do not trust people and definately NOT men so it makes no difference if its him or not nobody would put me in a better place in that rtespect. I believe Shy Lowen are full at minute and im not sure who i could pass on anyway. Baffle has become a different horse entirely. Timmy never changes i do feel i have failed him somewhat. Leo is just a total grumpy pants and will not grow lol. I havent ridden for flipping ages not been on Dets since she came home and Troop just keeps himself busy no trouble really. Im gutted i wont have a job and cant afford to take on the yard myself even in the shhhht state it is in i love working with horses. The only possible job i might find now is in a shop or bar and i cannot tell you how depressed this thought makes me i know hjow silly that is but i cant cope with the thought of it. OK am pulling self together will stop being so silly too many people with real problems not moaning half as much as me lol. Thanks guys something will come along maybe.
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Post by gwenoakes on Dec 29, 2013 15:12:09 GMT 1
Oh Troop, I am so glad you didnt take offence at what I wrote. XXX
You seem to have a BIG heart taking on all waifs and strays from your past posts, so why dont you make a decision not to do this in 2014 and concentrate on what animals you own now and most of all yourself, eh?
I think that would be a good start tbh and would poss give you some breathing space too. It is OK taking on everything and anything, but you cannot help everyone/everything all of the time and if it becomes detrimental to yourself then you are onto a loser with only one way to go.
None of us know what is round the corner, so take some deep breathes, try to stay calm and just see what happens. At the end of the day you cant be worse off than you are now, but probably could be in a better mind to sort it.
Take care. XXX
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Post by rosemaryhannah on Dec 29, 2013 15:48:58 GMT 1
That is excellent sense Gwen. Hugs Troop. It may seem less black later.
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