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Post by wendymp on Jul 3, 2008 15:28:35 GMT 1
ooo I hate the word "Stressage" - it must be an eventing term. The easiest way to set yourself up to not enjoy it.
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Post by luckyrider on Jul 3, 2008 15:42:35 GMT 1
Cool post, Wendy! Thanks ever so, I will print it off -- may just stop short of framing it.
I am reading a very interesting book about the "highly improbable" called The Black Swan and the chapter I'm currently reading is exploring how almost all "beliefs" are erroneous -- the helpful ones as well as the unhelpful ones I assume (but the author is into probability and philosophy, not psychology). The point is that people cannot help constructing beliefs and seeing all sorts of experiences and anecdotes that corroborate that belief as being irrefutable proof that they are right... they fail to look at the boundless data that actually disproves their cherished beliefs... I suppose it is fairly obvious but it is accompanied by some very sexy maths and stuff
Sorry for the verbal diarrhea folks, Wendy sometimes sets me off...
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 3, 2008 15:55:08 GMT 1
Ooo, that sounds like my kinda book Steph! LOL (Gets right to my 'love of learning' strength! ) I might have to get that one! Quite a convincing label, yes? ;D
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 4, 2008 15:40:26 GMT 1
My last main contribution on this thread is about how change happens and why it's important to have a support network. It says in Perfect Confidence that 'you are only 5 minutes away from being confident' and that's absolutely true! The reason is that confidence isn't, as we have already discussed, an object you have or don't have. Confidence is a series of habits in the way you think, behave and feel that creates a sense of feeling as though things are manageable for you, even when the thought of doing them might make you feel a little anxious (or excited! ;D) or when you've never done them before. Everyone can 'be' confident - in other words they can carry out those confident ways of being - but some people start out by being confident for a few seconds at a time, others a few minutes at a time and still others for hours, days or months! So what we're talking about is starting small, with whatever keeps you in your comfort bubble and then making little gentle steps in all directions until the confidence becomes a habit for you. Clearly, that means that people don't necessarily become habitually confident overnight - and that's the 'bad news'. Just as you can be confident in 5 minutes because confident is just a series of things you do, so too do you have to keep on doing 'it' until it becomes an unconscious habit that you use all the time. Now, I can't remember if this is in one of Kelly's books or not, but I wonder if any of you have already heard about the learning cycle? Here's a link to it www.silent-partners.co.uk/what_we_do/coaching/learning.htmHere's what it says: The Experiment has tried to guide you already in these areas, by asking you to become aware of some of the explanations and beliefs you have and also by asking you to do your risk analysis to really check out how 'real' the risks are. Also, with the Strengths part, the intention was to help you develop your awareness of the great things you already have going for you and the areas where you are already competent. Of course, there's different ways in which you can do this and by using your flexibility, creativity and by keeping pushing your Bubble, you will discover more and more of them. Ultimately, though, this is an ongoing process that will require you to keep moving, keep making steps in whatever direction you can. The problem with confidence stems not so much from the direction of the steps as it does from becoming stuck in one place with only one way of looking at things. So the last recommendation I'm going to make from Perfect Confidence is to have a look at page 142 onwards, where it talks about a couple of ways in which you can start putting together your 'Success Team'. It's extremely rare to find anyone who's reaching out for success in life who's doing it entirely alone - so have a think about who you would like in your success team and what role you see them playing. It could be anything or anyone - from a great instructor to great friends to a great vet or farrier..... But it's a useful process to try and identify who is already contributing to your success and who's still missing. Once you get to grips with this, it becomes easier to get more out of your 'Success Team' and find people who can join your team to add what was missing previously. Of course, it would be great to see the Perfect Confidence section become a forum for such a Success Team, if it isn't already! I hope you've enjoyed this little Experiment and that you've got as much out of it as I have. I've certainly learned heaps and have loved seeing the progress and the leaps and bounds that people have made. See you around!
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Post by wendymp on Jul 4, 2008 16:41:42 GMT 1
Many thanks, Wendy, it has been an excellent journey. I feel I've gained some useful tools and insights. I'm feeling much more positive about things now although still have a long way to go. I'm having good days and bad days now - which is a darn site better that all bad days! Motivation is still the key for me. Hohum.
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Post by silverlass on Jul 4, 2008 17:00:18 GMT 1
Thanks Wendy,
I have left base camp and with your help, the DG, Kelly's books and my "Success Team" I am well prepared for the onward journey. Slowly but surely pursuing my goal - to enjoying hacking out with my lad Fin, otherwise known to me and my angel voice as Carlsberg!! corny eh!!, but what a change, 6 months ago I thought he was one of my problems - bless him it turned out I was one of his problems, I hope that made you smile - my 2nd. strength - Humour and playfulness.
Take care and thank you for your kindness and may your bubble never splatter
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 4, 2008 21:26:55 GMT 1
Thanks Wendy, and may your bubble never splatter I love that ;D ;D Wendy, many thanks for your time, patience and thoughtfulness. It is REALLY appreciated. I think, due to the insight you have given me, that I have walked a lot farther along the road by doing this exercise than I did in the six months previously. Keep pushing the bubblegum everyone xxxx
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Post by loullou on Jul 4, 2008 22:22:43 GMT 1
thanks wendy-and everyone else who has ben involved!! i have really enjoyed this process and it has made a difference for sure.,...lots of things still to think about and i am sure i am going to be referring back to the exercises from time to time to remind myself of everything we have been thinking about....
its quite amazing how a group of people who have never met can work together on something like this-just great.
thanks again!!!! x
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 5, 2008 0:07:00 GMT 1
Mods...can we pin this thread for future reference??
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em&ed
Grand Prix Poster
Grand Prix Poster
If I had just a little humility, I'd be perfect....
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Post by em&ed on Jul 5, 2008 14:22:26 GMT 1
Darn, I missed a few days but I wanted to share with you that I pushed my comfort bubble a bit the other night - made my mind up the night before, when i was in bed and everything sounds like a doddle and when i got to the yard the next night I decided to jump!! Only the smallest cross pole in the world, but it was still a jump! ;D Thankfully I lunged him over it 1st as it was all terribly exciting and we had some bucking and head tossing, but he always jumps loads bigger than what's there - so i didn't feel too bad about the 6" jump Good idea to pin the thread bumper thanks for all your input wendy
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Post by luckyrider on Jul 5, 2008 15:22:59 GMT 1
Wendy, this thread has made a huge difference. It really was the missing link on the PC board. Thank you so much, and mods, could it please be pinned???
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milo
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milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
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Post by milo on Jul 7, 2008 8:17:22 GMT 1
thanks wendy, my success team has been this dg on here and all the support and help ive recieved,it means alot,thankyou.
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 8, 2008 1:03:50 GMT 1
;D
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 8, 2008 14:04:59 GMT 1
Guys, I love hearing about your successes since we worked together on this thread! Em&ed, your progress with the jump sounds fantastic! It's so funny, in a nice way, how sometimes this switch in our head just changes and we just think 'yes, I can do that' - and invariably, we're right!
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lizziee
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Post by lizziee on Jul 24, 2008 10:13:19 GMT 1
Basil has been the single most helpful thing for me out of this "experiment". Not only has it got me back on my horse, but also back on my diet! I just turn my head and snap "Shut UP Basil" every time he yaps in my ear ;D
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