milo
Grand Prix Poster
milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
Posts: 2,704
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Post by milo on Jul 1, 2008 21:06:05 GMT 1
thankyou wendy,ive found out that i can ride outside my bubble,as i did on sunday but i think really i was trying to please others by doing it not myself,i ended up pushing my horse too hard which i regret and for me my strength is kindness and generosity,and ive got to be kind to myself and do what i enjoy,which is being with my horse at my own pace not someone elses.we went for aslow hack today,and i felt guilty all the way,milo was brilliant in traffic which was my cracker and just by riding him out ive found out what hes like with lorry's etc and so my what ifs have disapered ,i'm going to concentrate on enjoying my horse and enjoying our hacks out,i dont want to do anything else,other people can have their own opinion on what i do but why do something if you dont enjoy it,sorry just rambling on,i think it as someone else said sometimes we try to keep up with this image and if youre not seen to be doing dressage or x-country or jumping then youre not good enough,why should i have to apologise for just hacking out,when its what i enjoy doing,ive found my inner strength by saying no.
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Post by rosisotherhalf on Jul 1, 2008 21:28:56 GMT 1
Bravo milo
nothing else to say!
Actualy, i'm modifying this to add.....
"Now that you've genuinely found your comfort zone and have found the way to say "NO" - you now have the chance to say "YES" - but only when and IF you want to....and if you don't want to, then don't!
Well done! Now concentrate on enjoying what you enjoy!
Fantastic!
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milo
Grand Prix Poster
milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
Posts: 2,704
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Post by milo on Jul 2, 2008 6:54:52 GMT 1
thankyou
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 2, 2008 14:53:10 GMT 1
Re: Loulou's question
Can you think of a time when you explored something or did something new with your horse? How much have you been able to use this strength with your horse recently? Do you get to use this strength much in other areas of your life? Can you make any sideways, diagonal or reverse steps that make use of this strength?
Just looking at your cracker:
This is quite interesting because, apparently, the opposite of fear is curiosity. Do you know what curiosity looks like in your horse?
Can anyone make some suggestions about how Loulou might use her curiosity more when she's with her horse, or maybe in her life generally?
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Post by luckyrider on Jul 2, 2008 15:38:24 GMT 1
Oh yes! Just off the top of my head she could clicker train her horse to touch objects with his nose... any time he seems worried about something new, she could hop off and click and treat him to nudge it... it could help him discover that other side of fear. It could turn him into a right nosy old devil!
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 2, 2008 19:44:25 GMT 1
Hmmm...clicker training. Now theres a thought..... Since I have found the groundwork with Captain has given me more control ....control over his feet, control over the limits of MY personal space, control over him respecting me, my confidence generally has increased tenfold. The groundwork is not a "quick fix" as he proved to me the other day when he was just a bit tired of it! But, its something I can do regularly, sort of to assert myself...I dont mean in an in-charge type of way, I mean ...well more affirming rather than asserting (if that makes any sense at all!). I was wondering where my zest went, and you know what I didnt even realise it but it IS there, its just gone quiet. It has to be there, otherwise I wouldnt have bought him, I wouldnt be trying so hard. Maybe the secret of it is to listen harder..it could be that zest is my Angel, but my Devil was drowning it out Anyway, what I was going to say before I started waffling (sorry) was that i think I will start some clicker training. One of my strengths is love of learning...another is creativity, and I can see that I can do both with the clicker training. Its another diagonal in my bubble, another bid to sneak around Zippy by confusing him, and you know what it will be FUN ;D
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Post by loullou on Jul 2, 2008 20:44:32 GMT 1
mm-i dont know much about this clicker training lark...will have to do some research....
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Post by silverlass on Jul 2, 2008 21:40:59 GMT 1
Hi, I had to disappear on a business trip and hoped that I would find time to log on but I didn’t manage it, and I couldn’t wait to get back and see what you had all been up to. I have just this evening got back only to have to disappear again until Friday afternoon when I will be able to pick on the end of the sessions – looking forward to it already.
Did my character strengths – I love the idea of acknowledging them and using them to strengthen my resolve to keep gently expanding that bubble.
1) Fairness, equity, and justice - Mmm not sure about how I work on this one 2) Humor and playfulness – brilliant I must bring this more into my work with Fin, I know it is there in the rest of my life and I suddenly wonder if this is what has been holding me back. I have been trying to be someone I wasn’t serious and purposeful and that together with the voices destroyed my confidence – certainly food for thought there. Be me and make this learning process fun 3) Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness – awareness of this should make me trust my “risk” assessment and monitoring my growth 4) Kindness and generosity – kindness to my horse and fellow equestrians – generosity – plenty of carrots and apples in a certain little (actually very big) persons feeds. 5) Zest, enthusiasm, and energy – this together with my re-vitalised confidence and increased self belief will get me there 6) Appreciation of beauty and excellence – I know there was only supposed to be 5 but when I saw no 6 I had to add it in – beauty is in the eye of the behold and there can be nothing more beautiful to me that riding out on a hack on a lovely day with my dear horse. Excellence – the fact that I want to succeed and one day be riding out with a big, natural smile.
Take care everyone, and just in case any of you have stopped visiting the thread before I get back at the end of the week I just wanted to say thank you for your company on what for me has been a wonderful journey.
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 2, 2008 23:01:17 GMT 1
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 3, 2008 0:04:34 GMT 1
Oo, I feel a clicker training study group coming on... Agh, I just love how you guys have embraced this! Silverlass - being fairer to yourself could be a way of using your top strength? Seems that you're already getting there with this. Also, I remember Pat Parelli talking about having an Attitude of Justice with horses. Not suggesting you take up Parelli but it does sound as though Justice and Equality are themes that can be developed in how we work with horses. Bumper and Loulou - I love how your curiosity has come up about the clicker training now - thanks for the suggestion Luckyrider! Yes, it makes sense. It's the 'approach and retreat' principle - and it's why the reverse steps are so useful when it comes to growing the comfort bubble.
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jul 3, 2008 0:16:44 GMT 1
I have to relate something I found funny. I was borrowing a rope halter and longline, so I went to buy our own. Very smart, and I approached the price as an investment since I would be using them daily.
It was the shop assistant who said "would you like a carrot stick to go with them?" that did it for me ;D ;D ;D Errm no I said but ta.
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milo
Grand Prix Poster
milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
Posts: 2,704
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Post by milo on Jul 3, 2008 8:37:25 GMT 1
ive reversed back into the bubble, got scared out galloping in company,and last night went out hacking anf forgot husband and son were out shooting, hence very loud bangs and very jumpy horses, ended up coming home pretty quick with milo very frightened and jumping at every noise,i think due to his blue eye,hes more sensitive to noise as he cant see whats making the noise out of that eye, sometimes he'll jump out of his skin just if i touch his nose on that side as he doesnt realise i'm there,that was using my kindness and genorisity strength to come home and reassure my horse that it wasnt that scary(frightened me to death though!) somedays i just feel more braver than others, today wasnt that day.
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 3, 2008 9:34:48 GMT 1
And it's definitely listening to your Angel, Milo. What is there to be gained by insisting a horse goes out when it's way out of its own comfort bubble? I had a similar experience with Lutine once lutinedumanaou.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html I think it's OK to agree with the horse that it was rather scary and that in such cases, as you say, he can trust you to be kind and generous and take into account his own fears about loud noises. Having 3 partially sighted horses myself, I absolutely know how much more sensitive to noise they are and how genuinely frightened they can be. Also, funny thing was - I was talking to a mate the other day who's an international event rider - used to work for Andrew Nicholson, has done Badminton and Burghley and Fontainbleu and Pau and..... you get the picture. I was telling him about Lutine's cow phobia and how you can feel her heart hammering under the saddle, she's that genuinely afraid. Now, what did the international event rider say? Was it along the lines of 'ah, I could ride a horse through that, you should push her on' etc etc? Nope, he shook his head and said 'when you can feel their heart pounding like that and they're genuinely scared, there's no training or learning going on for them. You just have to get them back to wherever they're not scared before you can do something for them'. So maybe your way of dealing with that event and his way of dealing with it wouldn't be that different. ETA: actually, I've had that kind of experience with Lutine lots of times, thinking about it. Just that the one on our blog was caught on camera
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 3, 2008 12:01:27 GMT 1
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Post by wendyihts on Jul 3, 2008 14:51:02 GMT 1
Beliefs and Explanations. I wanted to cover Beliefs and Explanations as the last main subject of this little Experiment because it's probably the 'difference that makes a difference' when it comes down to being a Confident Rider or a Not Confident Rider. I think we spoke earlier about this, or I put it on a thread on here recently, that confidence, for the most part, isn't about what happens, it about how you explain what happens and often those explanations are shaped by our beliefs. So what are these beliefs and what can we do about them? Beliefs can bee seen as a fixed pattern of thinking we have to explain the way that things are and, in return, our explanations help to keep our beliefs in place, help to keep them locked into position. We can spot the signposts for a belief by looking at the labels we put on different circumstances or events - just take the 'Confident Rider' and 'Not Confident Rider' labels, for example. Those labels are signposts to the place where the Beliefs lie. You can also spot beliefs when you hear yourself saying or thinking 'if.......... then........... ' Like 'if I have to get off my horse when he's spooking then that means I'm a failure/he's won/he'll be worse next time..' Now, no one would care about beliefs if all they did was rattle around inside our heads. However, their power lies in the way in which they determine the way we think, feel and behave about something or someone. It's in this way that they can eventually determine what happens in our lives and ultimately 'prove' to us that we were right to believe those things in the first place. I had a very strong experience of the power of belief last year when I was dealing with our local vets and my horses' eye disease. ALL of them, but especially our most local vet, held the firm belief that there was nothing more that could be done for my horses, that they would sooner or later become blind and that this would therefore mean they would need to be put down. And so what they did was they stopped looking for new options to try and told me in no uncertain terms that there was 'nothing more they could do'. Their belief system had proven to them time and time again that they were right and I can tell you that I really struggled to not accept this belief as well. It was the horses who suggested to me that this belief may not be the whole reality in the way that Mascagne, in particular, improved quite suddenly, and because of my experience of rehabbing Lutine (another veterinary write off). Those two experiences had just about done enough to cause me to question the vets' deeply held belief - but it was enough to cause me to carry on looking and trying to find something. I think it's true to say that there's such a thing as helpful and unhelpful beliefs, in the first instance. Believing there was nothing more that could be done for my horses and that I should give up would not have been a helpful belief in this instance. We hadn't crossed the line where they were in intractable, intolerable pain; they still had a good quality of life - so I was willing to keep trying. In a similar way, there's probably a sensible line to be drawn when sorting out between helpful and unhelpful beliefs in terms of riding. That's where your risk assessment also comes in handy! It helps you to sort out when your belief is an Angel, trying to keep you safe and when it's a devil, just trying to keep you rolling about in the 'dirty pain' muck heap. For the sake of not repeating what's already been said in Perfect Confidence, there's a whole section on this from page 126 onwards. But what I do love is how I see more and more of you using more positive labels for yourselves and for the situations you find yourselves in. For sure, it's a whole lot better place from which to operate! However, I think there's another aspect to this that goes another step beyonf understanding what are helpful and unhelpful beliefs. One thing I've noticed about beliefs is that the more rigidly they're held, no matter how helpful or unhelpful they seem, the more problematic they can become. You can see this in the world around us at the moment - places where wars have been going on for years, where life seems to be falling into rack and ruin - all seem to come back to people holding on to deeply entrenched beliefs that have become rigid and inflexible, no matter whether those beliefs started out as being helpful or unhelpful. Instead of being a framework to help us explain certain events or situations, the beliefs have become a big, strong castle with everyone locked inside. The BIG downside with being locked in a castle like that is that you've only got tiny little arrow slits to look out at the rest of the world! It might feel like a safe place but the people inside are limiting their ability to find new ways of working and to actually change things. That's why, in the Comfort Bubble exercise and in the thread prior to this, I've constantly emphasised being flexible, allowing yourself to be creative and to steer round issues, bounce back from set backs and give yourselves maximum opportunity for success. On reflection, it seems that beliefs work better for us when they provide a scaffolding, a framework to help us climb up to somewhere, rather than when they're a permanent, impenetrable construction like a castle. Scaffolding is far easier to change to allow us to grow in the direction we want than a castle anyway. So, the next part of the journey would be to try and identify the belief 'icebergs' so you can avoid running into them (and sinking like the Titanic!). You can spot beliefs by signposts like 'if... then...' and 'it's just a fact that......' and also by spotting Labels hung on things (e.g. another example I see dotted around is 'Stressage' - ooops belief signpost anyone?? ;D ) And then see how well those beliefs are working for you, whether they're likely to get in the way of you either using your Strengths, dealing with your Crackers or even just experiencing a sense of peace, fun and growth. Most of all, keep an eye out for whether those beliefs are keeping you 'stuck' in any way, whether they're holding you into one certain way of thinking, feeling or being. But the final part would be to see whether you can be a little more flexible around those beliefs. One of the things I remember from my training is being taught to think '...but then again, I could be wrong'. Just because something is my truth, doesn't mean it's someone else's truth and vice versa. So, play around with the idea that, just maybe, what appears to be undeniable truth, might just be 'your' truth and might even be less than 100% your truth anyway. Have fun, be creative, be flexible, take it lightly.... (and don't forget, I may well not be 100% right.... )
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