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Post by wendyihts on Jun 29, 2008 18:38:17 GMT 1
You guys are just awesome! I'm completely bowled over at how you're taking this process by the horns and getting stuck in - and I just love the progress you're ALL making. Wendymp - even becoming aware of patterns that you experience is a huge step. For the 'belittling your achievements' there's a section in Perfect Confidence between pages 78 - 82 about 'why confidence is like a house of cards' and there's another section all the way from 87 to the end of that chapter (p95) that should be helpful. It really pays to make some extra effort on conquering that habit (because a habit is all that it is - it's not a character trait or anything) and, for example, the Success Journal has be shown by scientific studies to be an effective way of raising the amount of general Good Feelings you experience. (Yes, I managed to find my Perfect Confidence book in a pocket of one of my suitcases )
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 29, 2008 18:39:49 GMT 1
oops double post ;D
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milo
Grand Prix Poster
milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
Posts: 2,704
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Post by milo on Jun 29, 2008 19:53:20 GMT 1
well,i'm aching all over,i rode out with my neighbour,on a different route along the main road,it was so busy,some cars didnt slow down at all, we met a bright yellow council lorry with a huge exclamation mark on the back,milo was brilliant just plodded on,we did loads of trotting and then did a canter through the woods that turned into afull blown gallop,got a bit scared at that as milo was pulling like a steam train,then he got all excited and pranced along all the way home,again he was brilliant but i got cramp in my leg and it went numb(due to all the trotting)i dont normally ride at such a fast pace,just have the odd trot now and then ,so hence why i'm aching all over,i found it all ok,i was way out of my comfort zone and got scared at the gallop,we were out for 2 and half hours,i need a good bath and a whisky!,i prefer riding with my daughter i think as she knows what pace i like.
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Post by loullou on Jun 29, 2008 20:50:04 GMT 1
but you survived!! you did more than that in fact...so even if you didnt enjoy it and dont do it again you know you can!!! enjoy the bath and whisky...
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zack
Advanced Poster
Posts: 365
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Post by zack on Jun 29, 2008 21:09:22 GMT 1
This has really made me think-re the comfort zone thing. I have always thought that if I dont achieve my ultimate aim, I havent succeeded, but actually, small steps in any direction could all be good...I am going to have to think about this a bit more!
The last time I loaded my horse, we got her in, and calm, and finally turned the engine on, but I couldnt handle actually moving the trailer-I felt like I had let her and my RA down, but maybe it was just pushing my comfort bubble a bit further, and was actually a success!
The things people are writing are fantastic-Milo, it sounds like you are doing fantastically, I am very impressed! The thing about belittling your own achievements is very familar-when other people do it, they are talented/hard working/dedicated etc, when we do it, it was luck, or a fluke etc! How very unfair!
Really enjoying what everyone is saying,very thought provoking, thanks again Wendy
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em&ed
Grand Prix Poster
Grand Prix Poster
If I had just a little humility, I'd be perfect....
Posts: 3,276
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Post by em&ed on Jun 29, 2008 22:14:54 GMT 1
impressed at milo too
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mrsmurchin
Elementary Poster
Elementary Poster
Posts: 82
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Post by mrsmurchin on Jun 29, 2008 22:19:02 GMT 1
HUGE pat on the back to everyone!!! You're all doing brilliantly! I haven't been on here for a while what with my course last week and a busy weekend, but I wanted to tell you about my lesson yesterday. I did jumpies!!! I haven't jumped since Jan 06 what with one thing or another, and I can honestly say it was BRILLIANT! I'd forgotten just how much I love jumping! Alright, I was only doing 18"/2' but I was doing it! I'd got a bit comfortable with my flatwork lessons so asked for a jumping one for a change. It was great! I was cantering all over the place, even in a x country position, something that would have had me running for the toilet a few months ago . Blimey do I ache today though - I ache in muscles I forgot I owned ;D. But I feel grrrrrrrreat! Hope everyone else has had a progressive weekend!
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jun 29, 2008 22:37:13 GMT 1
milo I am truly impressed! Wow! mrsmurchin you dark horse ;D Jumpies!! Impressed again! I need to get "I disagree" in gear I am being left in the wake of bravery....all I did today was lie in bed watching Hickstead (bit of a cold and felt pooey). Wendy...its OK I was looking for errm inspiration
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
Posts: 813
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Post by bumper on Jun 29, 2008 22:38:25 GMT 1
LOL! For "I disagree" read "my a s s "......doncha love the censoring.
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Post by luckyrider on Jun 30, 2008 10:34:03 GMT 1
I love the way silverlass's devil has galloped off on her horse's bargy alter-ego!
Have not been riding but have been accompanying all of you on your adventures and basking in the glow radiating from your various achievements.
Next time I ride I will turn up dressed just so... not as if I were going to a competition, but in the kind of gear I would choose if I were attending a clinic with a famous trainer for example. I will get on, half shut my eyes and imagine oh, I don't know, Anja Beran riding just in front of me, and I will puff out my chest and copy her every move.
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Post by wendymp on Jun 30, 2008 12:13:50 GMT 1
Sounds great, luckyrider.
milo, its fantastic that you went through with the long ride and didn't bottle it half way through (which I probably would have).
BUT I think its significant that you didn't enjoy it much and that poor old Milo is stiff and sore this morning.
I just think there is an awful lot of pressure on us to do things that we really don't particularly want to do or that we are not ready for. In the horse world it seems if you don't go hunting or do mad things or some kind of competing people imply that you are not doing anything worthwhile. I really hate this because it is always in the back of my mind. If you are not aiming for Badminton - forget it.
Sorry but for my purposes my horse does not need to be superfit - I don't want to go eventing - and TBQH I don't agree with many of the equestrian sports from an ethical point of view. I wouldn't want to have metal shoes stuck to my feet and be made to run along a tarmac road for an hour every day! Ooh my knees ache just thinking of it.
What I've been thinking is that maybe we set our goals too high because of outside pressure. We should do what we can - what we want to - this fits in with the comfort zone idea - and if we feel like it push the bubble - if we don't just enjoy doing what we can do with our horses.
This is great for me because I tend to feel isolated in the way I think. That I'm always copping out and disbelieving what I know to be true - because its not in line with the horsey people I know - I can't win.
I would rather hack alone than with the wrong person every time. ;D
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 30, 2008 12:55:42 GMT 1
That's a a really timely comment you make there, mrsmurchin, as I was just thinking about this in relation to motivation. We often think about motivation as something we have when we're trying to reach a certain goal, and then we measure ourselves in terms of how much of it we have. However, there's a more long-lasting and easier-to-maintain kind of motivation, one that can even sustain us when things are difficult or when we're not even close to achieving certain goals. It would seem that when we're using our personal strengths in our day-to-day activities, we find it much easier to get motivated from the inside (not from the outside as when we're chasing a goal) and find it easier to deal with the various twists and turns of life. Now, this is a fairly new area in psychology and I've not seen it used in the context of riding confidence before now - but there's no reason why it shouldn't apply and be useful. So, seeing as this whole thread's a bit of an experiment in how far we can get and how creative we can be, does anyone fancy finding out about their personal strengths and seeing what kind of light that throws on their riding/horsey activities? If so, what I suggest is that you register and take the Signature Strengths Survey, which you can do for free here www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx This is a survey of people's personal strengths, the ones that typify them as individuals. A strength is different to a talent in that it's not necessarily inborn in the way a talent is, it's something you can work on and develop and it's also something that not only helps you feel great emotionally more often, it also helps make your life and your activities feel more meaningful and motivating. People who are using their strengths tend to feel as though they're really acting in accordance with who they really are and that's one of the most motivating sensations we can experience. Now, I'll use my self to give you an example of using your strengths to help you enjoy your horse(s) more. My top 3 strengths come out as 'curiosity and interest in the world', 'Love of learning' and 'creativity, originality and ingenuity' and when I look at my life with horses, I can see those strengths coming out in what I do. I absolutely don't care about competing - but I love the idea of learning more about riding, horses and horse care. Hence I spend a lot of time reading and discussing horses and their care, when I ride I almost don't mind WHAT happens so long as I'm able to say I learned something new and I also love trying out new and different things with the horses - trying to develop a track system for them is one example. So if I wanted to use my strengths more with my horses, I'd probably do more riding/horsecare clinics with them and I might go and explore different and new places with them to satisfy my curiosity about the world. I now understand fully why I don't feel motivated to compete - and I don't feel bad about it because I understand why the things I do with them give me a lot of satisfaction. The interesting thing about 'satisfaction', though, is that I can get a sense of satisfaction even when the going gets tough. So even while my horses have been ill and even though two of them are now permanently retired from riding, I've still been putting my strengths to good use, researching and trying out new ways to help them. I can tell you, this has sustained me even in some of the blackest moments - and I only know this in hindsight (I hadn't done the strenghts survey before my horses became ill). I can look back with a sense of satisfaction that I've done everything I could, that I've acted in accordance with who I am - and that also makes me feel much stronger in the face of any criticism that anyone might choose to make. So I'd like to make a suggestion that people try out the Strengths survey, see what it comes up with and then, most importantly, out of your top 5 or 6 Signature Strengths, have a read and choose the ones that just seem to say the most about you, the ones you relate to most. And then have think about your horsey goals and activities and see whether they fit with your Signature Strengths and if not, whether there might be some way of using your strengths to reach those goals. If NOT, it may well be that those goals are more to do with other people's expectations than what inspires you personally. Like I say, this part's a bit experimental - so let's just see where we get with it? p.s. you can do this exercise on your own or you can share it here - as you like.
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Post by wendymp on Jun 30, 2008 15:12:25 GMT 1
I did the questionnaire, Wendy. Here are my results. They are so true. Not sure where it takes me from here, though. Your Top Strength Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind [boy am I]. Your Second Strength Fairness, equity, and justice Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance. Your Third Strength Forgiveness and mercy You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge. Your Fourth Strength Gratitude You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks. Your Fifth Strength Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
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Post by wendymp on Jun 30, 2008 15:19:46 GMT 1
oops here are some more. The last one is waaay off - don't know where they got that from ;D!
Strength#6 Capacity to love and be loved You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you. Strength#7 Bravery and valor You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions. Strength#8 Caution, prudence, and discretion You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret. Strength#9 Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group. Strength#10 Creativity, ingenuity, and originality Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible. Strength#11 Curiosity and interest in the world You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery. Strength#12 Humor and playfulness You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations. Strength#13 Love of learning You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn. Strength#14 Industry, diligence, and perseverance You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks. Strength#15 Kindness and generosity You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well. Strength#16 Modesty and humility You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty. Strength#17 Perspective (wisdom) Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself. Strength#18 Social intelligence You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease. Strength#19 Appreciation of beauty and excellence You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience. Strength#20 Self-control and self-regulation You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa. Strength#21 Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control. Strength#22 Zest, enthusiasm, and energy Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure. Strength#23 Leadership You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen. Strength#24 Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.
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Post by wendymp on Jun 30, 2008 15:21:36 GMT 1
I like strength #22 - zest, enthusiasm and energy. That is truly me - although it seems to have got lost these last couple of years....(too many ponies?) - that's what I want to get back.
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