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Post by wozzer on Apr 21, 2007 22:32:11 GMT 1
Right everyone .......... When we are all riding tomorrow in the lovely sunshine, all relaxed, having a lovely time, what are we going to tell that "what if" voice if it comes into our heads Yeah, you're right, we are all going to shout "oh dear off" at it ;D (PS: Hope I've not offended anyone here, but I bet we are all heartily sick of that "what if" thing in our heads, so it is time it was told where to go LOL!!!!). xx
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madmare1
Grand Prix Poster
The Gruesome Twosome
Posts: 1,500
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Post by madmare1 on Apr 21, 2007 23:26:12 GMT 1
Thats what happenend today with me wozzer...I thought, what if I come off?..then realised I'd do what I normally do..get up, dust myself off, and get back on! that nasty little voice is sneaky....and I won't be riding tomorrow..got a nephew's christening instead!
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Post by kya on Apr 22, 2007 10:01:29 GMT 1
I know that little devil Wozzer and he 'p---ses' me off!!
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dawnb
Olympic Poster
What a handsome boy I am, pity bout the scarecrow on top!!
Posts: 735
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Post by dawnb on Apr 22, 2007 11:33:19 GMT 1
What sunshine Wozzer! Bloody hell you're only a few miles from me an its raining here - ha ha yet another excuse not to ride LOL Actually glad to see the rain will help the fields as our lot are going out full time at the weekend yippppeeeeee. Kanga your little devil must know my little devil as he has that effect on me too Enjoy your riding girls look forward to reading about how you've all had a fab time, whilst I on the other hand will be tearing my hair out come 3pm as Savannahs having her birthday tea today at her nans so a great time ahead NOT! See ya x
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Post by wozzer on Apr 22, 2007 11:57:36 GMT 1
Dawnb, wrote this at 10.30 pm Saturday night. Yep, raining here too - but the fields need it!
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Post by sandy on Apr 22, 2007 14:02:08 GMT 1
Well, I hacked out this morning and survived the 'What Ifs' but really, really wish they wouldn't come into my head! If anyone knows of a certain way of blocking the 'what ifs' please let me know. Thanks
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Post by Booze Fish on Apr 26, 2007 16:55:39 GMT 1
I find saying to myself (in my head when the 'what if's appear) "am I bovered?" Is one bovered?" and asking it to Oscar at the same time takes me mind off the pesky little blighters ....
xXx
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Post by kya on Apr 26, 2007 17:56:32 GMT 1
FEAR... False Expectations Appearing Real....
Sees fear as little red hobbit..... 'Oh (long cavernous yawn) there you are you little w-k-er. How boring and obviouis of you to turn up. Sorry, can't stop, some of us are enjoying ourselves over here. Begone'
Try saying 'drift' really slowly, releasing all that pent up fear on an exhale and imagine yourself and your horse just drifting along in this idyllic landscape.
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Derek Clark
Grand Prix Poster
Olympic Poster
Posts: 1,369
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Post by Derek Clark on Apr 26, 2007 18:03:29 GMT 1
Hi folks, Here's something that you can do with the "What-If" voice. I can't promise that it will solve all your problems just like that, but it usually helps at least a bit. Firstly, locate the position of origin of the "What-If" voice. Where exactly is it located, inside your head, outside it, on the side, above, behind you? Be as precise as you can about this. Next, remember a time when you said something really positive or supportive to yourself. It can be about anything at all, not necessarily riding or horses. Most people find that the location of their supportive voice is in a different place. Once you have identified the two different locations, next time the "What-If" voice says something, gently move the voice to the location of your supportive voice and then ask it what message it has for you. Many people find that the nature of the message changes into something much more useful. As someone who works with a lot of "confidence issues" (and also as someone who learned to ride as an adult) something I think is important to recognise is that what we perceive as a lack of confidence may actually be our "inner guide" wanting us to examine our competence for the task at hand. Horses are bigger than us, stronger than us and faster than us. While it may appear that we can control them, in most cases this is an illusion. We may well get a long way through life without ever having a problem. That may be just because we've been lucky up to that point! In my experience, a confidence issue is when someone's mind over-reacts to a particular experience - for example, if I burnt my hand on a cooker as a child and I then grew up with a phobia of all kitchen appliances, that would be an over-reaction. Tools like hypnotherapy, NLP, EFT, TFT, flower remedys, etc, are excellent ways of getting over things like this. On the other hand, if, for example, I found that I was unable to stop my horse from running one day, especially a horse that had "never done that before", then any fear or anxiety I experienced around my horse after that might actually mean that my mind was working perfectly well and was telling me to check whether I was really as competent a rider/handler as I previously thought I was. Just because someone has taken lessons, or ridden for a long time, or even completed Badminton doesn't necessarlly mean that they actually _have_ the skills necessary to manage an emotional horse. The only true test of a skill is whether or not you can get the desired result at the time when it really matters. I think the funny thing about horses is that, most of the time, they don't really test our skills to the limit, so it's easy to be drawn into a false sense of security. Then, on the rare occassion when the horse really tests us (gets really excited or emotional, in other words), we find out what our true skill level actually is. There are at least two different ways to respond to this - acknowledgement of the reality and seeking further education, or denial and carrying on as before. Very often, someone who has taken the second path (either deliberately or unconsciously) ends up believing they have "lost confidence". Food for thought ...? Hope this helps... Derek
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Post by kya on Apr 26, 2007 20:00:02 GMT 1
''something I think is important to recognise is that what we perceive as a lack of confidence may actually be our "inner guide" wanting us to examine our competence for the task at hand.''
I think yours is one of the most interesting contributions we've had on this board so far. Thanks Derek. Will be cutting, pasting and considering what you have said.
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Post by nich on Apr 27, 2007 8:32:13 GMT 1
maybe it is good to externalise the 'what if'/'little devil' - I always think it's my pathetic side. IF we can think of it as external not integral to us, maybe it is easier to deal with it?
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Post by Booze Fish on Apr 27, 2007 9:37:46 GMT 1
Ive found that thinking of something completely different and mundane when the 'what if's' appear helps me to get over them too. I dont know about anyone else but I also get (along with 'what if' thoughts) a feeling in the bottom of my back ... like a tingling that makes me even more nervous and anxious? Anyone else?
xXx
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Post by iceberg on Apr 27, 2007 13:02:43 GMT 1
My what ifs have progressed into ' noooooooo dont do it'. Dont quite now how to beat that, even picking up the saddle makes me feel ill. Ive gone and left it too long in between rides again, so will have to deal with it all over again.
I think I have managed to convince myself that Toby is the only horse I can ever ride, and because he isnt here, it acts as a negative thing which makes me feel that all other horses are going to, bolt, rear, buck, hurt me in some way, which is what has happened in the last two years. (but not on him) Does that make sense?
My problem is I cant get on Blue without someone else there! I need mega doses of moral support, and short of moving to a more populated yard, I cant see a way out. Im really hoping that a lady who is coming to see him over the weekend, will buy him. He really should be doing more.
But I am enjoying reading about everyone else beating their demons and coping with the whatifs, tell them to whatoff!
Wozzer and Kanga keep going, its going to be nice this weekend, so I am expecting to read about your nice hacks.xxxxxxxx
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Post by kya on Apr 27, 2007 14:02:42 GMT 1
You've slipped back a bit Iceberg. So what, if someone has to be there? I would be happy to be led if needed. What about a walking hack or a circuit of the arena with someone on the ground and a lead rope? There's no shame in that whatsoever. The only thing that has worked with me, and I mean the only thing, has been riding, riding and more riding, to the point of boring myself out of panic attacks. You can do it.
I have found that plunging myself into the moment having got past tacking up etc and so on, and I'm fine on my bad days. I know that feeling of even handling the tack, I really do. I used to weep the night before every ride and listen to my Confidence CD every single time... otherwise I couldn't go, I just couldn't get on. Don't put yourself in a fearful place on the horse, and if that means going right back to the beginning then do it. You'll only upset yourself and the horse otherwise and there's no timetable for this journey, none. All of us are experiencing backward and forward progress every week as you know. Let us know how you do.
Are you really selling Blue by the way?
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Post by wozzer on Apr 27, 2007 21:15:12 GMT 1
Oh Iceberg, thank you so much for your kind words about Kanga and me and our potential hacks this weekend, but it made me sad. So sad, that it's not happening for you too. Is there anything we can do to help? xx
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