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Post by jennyb on Aug 25, 2005 14:52:26 GMT 1
....as far as I can see the second you become a mrs or somebody else's surname you 've just signed away all rights to a private individual identity and it really does influence the way people think about you. Or not. I would go with the not, lol!!! I'm still the same person, people still think of me as Jenny, the only thing that's changed is my surname
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 15:06:10 GMT 1
I'm with you on that jenny. I think the only people who may judge by name are outsiders. What do they know? Afetr all you should never judge a book by it's cover!
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bridge
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 2,422
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Post by bridge on Aug 25, 2005 15:46:57 GMT 1
I haven't read all of the replies, so I'm sorry if someone has already said this but.... you don't have to change your name. It's not a legal requirement.
I married a Spaniard and they don't change their name when they get married, so when I got married I was asked if I wanted to change my name or not (I got married in the UK). I decided I did want to, but that was personal choice. I have another friend who also married a Spaniard and she kept her maiden name. She's now Mrs. Martin instead of Miss. Martin.
It's entirely up to you. I know for a fact that it NOT a legal requirement.
You could always keep your name and add your OH's to it.
Good luck whichever name you choose
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percypony
Grand Prix Poster
Horses are life.... the rest, just details!
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Post by percypony on Aug 25, 2005 15:54:01 GMT 1
I am totally with Jenny and Lisa on this one. I couldn't wait to get married and changing my name was just one of the great things that is done along the way. I used to have a surname that I always used to have to spell to everyone as it had so many different ways of spelling it and now I have one that is difficult to say and impossible to spell!!! ;D Double barrelling mine would have been impossible!!!
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Post by gem on Aug 25, 2005 16:16:37 GMT 1
I wasnt sure what the requirements were, Its not really a legal question its more of a moral one, my oh wants me to he feels its a slight to his pride that I dont want to. I feel really very bad but I just hate the thought of losing my grandad's name, he was so proud of it and i just feel id be losing part of him to change it
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 16:40:13 GMT 1
In which case gem, I would say keep it. It's just a name after all. You can still be called Mrs...x
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sunshine
Grand Prix Poster
**RIP Quincy**
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Post by sunshine on Aug 25, 2005 16:59:09 GMT 1
Well, I got married in May and my maiden name is one I always has to be spelt out! My married name is Knock - can you believe it? Hysterically I have to spell that out each time as well. I have kept my maiden name at work (prob cos I know everyone would tease me about my new name!!) and I am in the process of trying to sort everything else out into Knock - and believe me its such a pain in the butt. I didnt want to be a Mrs with my maiden name because then I would be my mother! ? Hubby got upset that the cats all had my surname at the vets!! So you can imagine the trauma if we had kiddies. It is strange changing your name and one that hubby feels very strongly about indeed and he would be offended if I didnt. But by keeping my name at work I am retaining that bit of independency! Yep, there's that rebellious streak in me. Though slowly I am getting used to it, along with all the nicknames that come along with "Knock"!! But as someoene else says it reminds me of my wedding day and all the fun we had (despite the rain!).
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 17:11:35 GMT 1
Sunshine you have just made me giggle!! You mentioning your nicknames reminded me of some guys I used to work with in telesales... I have visions of you saying 'you know, 'knock' as in 'knock' on the door!! There were two guys I worked with in particular who when asked by a customer for their name Scott would say 'My name's Scott Merry, as in Christmas' !!! lol roflmas... the other was Dave and he'd say ' i'm Dave, Dave Wall as in Brick!!' I can still here it now... this was when I spent a rather amuzing yr working for Saga insurance for the deaf over 50's.... no disrespect to over 50's here.. but all the ones I spoke to were deaf!! x
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sharon
Elementary Poster
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Post by sharon on Aug 25, 2005 17:55:48 GMT 1
Personally I see marriage as a traditional act and I dont think I would want to go half measures with it, some friends have kept their names and they have a baby now that took her name, his parents were upset by this.
Also people don't realise you are married or even related if you don't share names.
But thats my view and I don't plan on getting married, so its probably not really valid! LOL
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carol
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 3,084
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Post by carol on Aug 25, 2005 18:35:36 GMT 1
I only had to change one letter in my surname to change it to my husband's when we got married. Hardly worth it then LOL !! (oh yes it was...).
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Post by LambChop on Aug 25, 2005 18:50:23 GMT 1
I'm finding it odd that there has been a couple of mentions that the hubby's (to be or already) are the ones requesting the name change and would be offended if you didn't do it. Can anyone enlighten me to why they want you to do it, or why they feel offended? They could always change their name to yours and I know a couple who took it further and chose a name they both liked and changed to that!
I'm in a similar situation as I'll be getting married on bonfire night but when we discussed it I asked how he would feel if he changed his name and he was horrified and wouldn't want to, said it would feel weird....
Sharing his name doesn't tell anyone anything about our relationship. I could be his sister! It's our behavious which display our status together.
Perhaps you can change your name on shared bank accounts, but keep your family name at work - that sort of thing.
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Post by meg on Aug 25, 2005 21:44:56 GMT 1
Im not married to OH but I would never change my surname, quite attatched to it. Our children have my name and OH has always said that if we ever wed he would change his name to mine.
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Post by esme on Aug 25, 2005 21:53:19 GMT 1
I was quite happy to take OH's surname as I never liked mine - although I did like my initials as RAF now they're RAW!!! (The Esme comes into it elsewhere I'm afraid). The one thing I did get riled about was when I went into Lloyds bank to change my account details - my personal savings account that is - and was asked to fill in a form giving my husbands details. I pointed out that I wasn't adding his name and that he had nothing to do with it, but they insisted that to change my name to Mrs. W I would have to give them his details. Told them not to bother and closed the account! The other thing I won't do is change to his initial on letters etc - think this is an old thing now maybe, but my mum always addressed thing to my aunty Edna as Mrs. F. Stevenson, whish was her husbands initial, she said that was the correct way of doing it! I said I may have taken his name but not the whole lot and retained my own first name thank you!!
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Post by Cameo on Aug 25, 2005 21:56:50 GMT 1
I really didn't want to lose the name I was born with - it is part of who I am - and so we compromised and put the two together. It has caused some confusion - his part of the surname sounds like a christian name, my first name most peole presume is a bloke ( especially any outside authority - ALWAYS assume I'm a bloke!), no one can spell it - even when you spell it out, and both children have both names - but it is a personal thing and quite alot of people these days put both names together. AND - my husband added my name to his too - so we both have both names. You do as you would be happy with - it is such a small thing really!
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Post by Louise C on Aug 26, 2005 20:05:12 GMT 1
Or he could change to yours!! I like both of the names, it's just a case of getting used to them. My maiden name was nice, but nowadays it's much more acceptable to do either one.
We have some friends in Norway, they don't change surnames over there, and the first child was named after the Dad, the second by the Mums surname!
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