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Post by gem on Aug 25, 2005 12:45:23 GMT 1
Why do women change their name when they get married? I'm getting married next year and I don't want to, (change my name that is ) its not that I dont love Andy because I do but I feel like I would be losing who I am, and while I want to stand up and tell my friends and family and God that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with I'm finding the idea of being forced to change my name very very hard. Has anyone else felt like this or am I just being weird?
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 12:54:07 GMT 1
Hi gem.. me again!!
Persoanlly, I can't wait to change my name as it's awful! A friend of mine got married 6 months ago and kept her surname. How does your oh feel about it? It's up to each induvidual in mho x
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Post by jennyb on Aug 25, 2005 12:56:36 GMT 1
You're not forced to change your name, you can keep your maiden name if you want. I took on my husband's name when we married in May because I am proud to be his wife and wanted to feel part of his family, as well as part of mine. I wanted everyone to know I was his wife, and I also wanted to be a Mrs! Being married means an awful lot to me, I'm quite a traditionalist like that, and I was really excited to change my name. Plus, Evans is one of the most common surnames in this country and I wanted rid of it, lol! Seriously though, be prepared for some hassle when you do change your name, it's a right faff, drove me mad!!!
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Post by gem on Aug 25, 2005 13:05:32 GMT 1
Hello both,
See my surname isnt that common and Im quite proud of where it comes from, I am so looking forward to being married to him and standing up in front of friends family and God and tell everyone how much we love each other, I just feel like changing my name means that I stop being me because im married.
I love the very bones of andy and i want to share the rest of my life with him, because i want the world to know that we come as a pair, its serious for me im finding it very hard and im trying so hard to think about it in a postive way for andys sake im trying to come to terms with it, i keep trying to think of myself as mrs hobden, gemma hobden but it doesnt sound like me, I keep thinking he is so good to me, and he asks so little of me and he is asking this one thing and its propbably the thing im finding hardest to do, and im sure its selfish but thats the way it is, if I do it and I dont want to ill resent it.
Ill be proud to be his wife, I cant explain why im being such a pain about it
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Post by jennyb on Aug 25, 2005 13:13:09 GMT 1
Can't you double-barrel it then? I know people who have done this because they didn't want to lose their maiden name completely.
I know what you mean about it sounding wierd, in a way I wasn't looking forwards to having my new name, but now I've got it, every time I say my surname to someone I am reminded of my husband and our wedding day, so it's quite nice really! I think that saying it to yourself now will sound wierd because you are not actually married, but once you are it holds more meaning, if you know what I mean.
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 13:14:14 GMT 1
Gemma Hobden sounds good! I think maybe where you've gone wrong is by not practising saying it over and over and over in your head.. kinda bridget jones stylie! There's also years of signature practising that needs to be done before one can feel totally at ease with the new name! These days I have given up saying 'Lisa so and so' just becuase each time I have got used to it the relationship never quite went the way I'd planned!! Now I'm with the man I want to marry I shan't be tempting fate!! x
Could you go double barrelled.. Gemma Hobden-***** or the other way round... that would at least be a compromise I gues it depends what it sounds like x
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 13:15:22 GMT 1
oopsie/// crossed with jenny! What about the confusion if you have children?
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Post by jennyb on Aug 25, 2005 13:23:28 GMT 1
All this wedding talk is making me miffed, I absolutely loved every minute of my wedding day (except for the minute where we stepped outside after the ceremony and my full length veil got swept up in the air by a big gust of wind!), really wish I could do it again! Or wish it could have lasted a week instead of a day, went too quickly!
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Post by eveadel on Aug 25, 2005 13:42:19 GMT 1
I can certainly agree Jenny B I wished it could of lasted a week. I was actually a little depressed for a couple of days afterwards as it was over to quick. I also couldnt wait to take on my OH's surname, it has a lovely ring to it!! I had been with my OH for 9 1/2 years before we got married and I didnt think it would change anything but we have never been happier. We are trying to add an addition to us, I hope it dont take to long )))
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Post by gem on Aug 25, 2005 13:50:49 GMT 1
Gemma Hobden-McMahon its a bit long too many Syllables, yes the confusion with kids will be a bother, perhaps it will grow on me, Gemma Hobden... when do I have to decide by?
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 14:07:12 GMT 1
I guess for your oh's pov, you need to decide before the wedding. Kinda asap I guess. Other than that I think it can be changed at any time not sure but I see no reason why not. But then your oh may be a bit peeved that you didn't want his name and then you suddenly do... Just start syaing it a lot! signing it too!! sheets and sheets of paper!! x
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Post by jennyb on Aug 25, 2005 14:12:01 GMT 1
Hobden-McMahon is quite nice! More do-able than Burgess-Evans, lol!!!
I think Gemma Hobden is nice. Don't think you need to make your mind up by a particular date, can't remember really as I always knew I'd change my name!
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spring
Olympic Poster
My lovely Spring
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Post by spring on Aug 25, 2005 14:20:02 GMT 1
I could never marry my OH as my name would then by Kate Tate. How awful is that...... and my surnames too long to double barrel, it would be a right mouth full
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Post by LisaM on Aug 25, 2005 14:26:21 GMT 1
Kate Tate ! LOL... Thats quite funny x My surnames Minter and I sooooooooooo hate it! My oh's is Howland... Lisa Howland...mmmm there I go again!
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Post by fin on Aug 25, 2005 14:48:41 GMT 1
Heck, don't change your name if you don't want! OH and I have different surnames, our offspring took his, mainly because it sounded better with the first names. It causes immense confusion, yes, especially since my own name is utterly androgynous, as is our son's, and I'm Dr. rather than Ms. Oh, and offspring decided he would call us by our first names, not mom and dad. So no-one knows what gender most of us are (on paper at least), nor who's actually related to who. It can be quite entertaining . In practice this means none of us ever get pigeonholed as somebody's mom or so and so's son....as far as I can see the second you become a mrs or somebody else's surname you 've just signed away all rights to a private individual identity and it really does influence the way people think about you. Or not. On the other hand--being utterly pragmatic--I can see why someone called Pratt or Widebottom might want to become something a bit more glam, even if they did have to take on a bloke to achieve it
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