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Post by antares on Jan 10, 2013 16:27:19 GMT 1
Yes we have all been there at some point!
I get told I'm too soft with my horses, one family in particular don't think you can get anywhere with horses without giving them a good smack when they are 'naughty' yet this same family looked after my wee herd for a few days and then proceeded to tell me how well behaved they were and they wished their horses were so friendly and calm
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Post by Catrin on Jan 10, 2013 17:06:54 GMT 1
The difference between you and some of the other yard members seems to be that they think that Boss is synonymous with Bully. A boss is someone who is obeyed because they are respected, a bully is someone who is obeyed because they are feared. If you do groundwork, presumably you have a safe enclosed area like a school to work in. Can you set up some horse agility obstacles and work with them, then show by what you can do that you and your horse are successful? If you feel confident set a yard challenge to see whose horse is best. It might take you a while to get this far mind you youtu.be/8_8MKRu-Igw but Vanessa Bee was once an IH student like we are. www.thehorseagilityclub.com/your-club/great-britain/
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Post by SarahW on Jan 10, 2013 17:25:57 GMT 1
Think of yourself as a pioneer. There used to be only one IH type person on a yard and now there tend to be at least two and, what's more, when people are giving advice on Horse and Hound forum about how to deal with a problem, they'll often come up with something that has strange echoes of things we hear in IH. Slowly, slowly, we'll get there. It's your horse you have to answer to, not other people.
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Post by ladyndibs on Jan 10, 2013 17:48:16 GMT 1
I have only owned horses for 3.5yrs and I thank my lucky stars I have never been on a yard. It is such a shame that people cannot understand the relationship you have with your horse. I have three, all very differant but my mare Lady is a bit of a wimp and at one stage was frightened of EVERYTHING. When I went poo picking today I thought rather than leave her just standing there watching (bless her she has a waistline like mine) I take her round the field with me, we set off with an ordinary lead rope and once she got the idea I just tucked the rope in her headcollar while I collected poo and she waited for me after a while she followed when I asked her to walk on and stopped when I asked her, I didn't need to lead her. I know she is far removed from a lot of people's ideal horse but to know she trusts me enough to walk beside a clattering wheel barrow when at one stage I couldn't pick poo within 20' of her is testament to the IH way. I couldn't have earned her trust by bullying her. Keep up the really good work and enjoy your horse, more flies are caught by honey than vinegar ;D
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Post by Catrin on Jan 10, 2013 18:04:19 GMT 1
… Keep up the really good work and enjoy your horse, more flies are caught by honey than vinegar ;D Who wants flies? Just enjoy the honey
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Post by jen1 on Jan 10, 2013 21:13:15 GMT 1
I think you need to change how you see these people, they are not friends ,saying this because ive been dealing with the same with a friend who was surrounded by biggoted know it all's, im wondering if you can value your self more, what strikes me is your not able to defend and nip things in the bud, or ask people to go away or keep there egotistical opinions to them selves , he is your horse its your life, you get my drift , you for you, s sake need to see that these people feel they can say these things to you, what you need is the jen1 dead pan face, ill send you 1, lol , create a sense of what is just and right in a calm posative manner and nothing is going to budge, they may not know what there doing , id address them all with guts to there faces
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Post by louiseh78 on Jan 10, 2013 21:30:30 GMT 1
So my aims for the new year are: 1. Enjoy my horse and sod the rest 2. Challenge any negative comments they make to my face 3. Demonstrate my good work and the results will make them question why their techniques are failing. 4. Save lots of money to have my own place 5. Find a horsey friend 6. Get support from all the wonderful people here.
So if anyone lives around Surrey and would like to be my 'horsey IH' friend please send me a message. My good friends are not horsey people and the others down the yard are certainly not people I want to interact with. I would love to chat or meet up with anyone locally. I'm happy to travel.
Thank you again. Big smiles from me.
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Post by jen1 on Jan 10, 2013 22:15:35 GMT 1
Someone said this to me tonight,
He who pays the piper calls the tune, think that sums things up nicely!
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Post by jen1 on Jan 10, 2013 22:17:34 GMT 1
You also have 1 of the nicest RA's in surrey, promise her a pimms and she maybe able to help join you up with like minded people,
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Post by galloperjack on Jan 11, 2013 1:34:37 GMT 1
Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum - although I have been a lurker for many months! I had to reply to this thread as I can relate to it in many ways, this is my story:
My daughter (9 years old) is pony mad. From a very young age she was really taken with these beautiful animals and when she was 3 years old I started to take her to HAPPA where we had an adopted pony that she could go and groom. When she turned 4 years old I found a riding school for her to have weekly lessons. This progressed to us getting a pony on full time loan when she was 8 years old. I should say here that I am not a "horsey person" - I had no experience of horses other than taking my daughter to HAPPA and the riding school and accompanying her on treks when we went on holiday. I was nervous about taking on a full loan but the pony was being kept at it's yard with it's owners and we would be closely supervised and shown the ropes. The loan went really well, we loved being at the yard, I found the grooming and mucking out very theraputic and relaxing and we really looked forward to going everyday. My daughter's confidence and self esteem grew and we were very happy but as the months went by I noticed the atmosphere at the yard began to change, there was a lot of bitching and backstabbing and a general air of negativity. We began to feel unwelcome and I made the hard decision to give up the loan, although by this time we had made good friends with the owners and we did continue to visit once a week and my daughter even took the pony to the local show. A couple of months went by, my daughter was still having lessons and attending pony club but there was something missing from our life and that something was a pony to love everyday! We had both enjoyed the full time responsibility of a pony so after careful consideration and a lot of calculations regarding the finances I bit the bullet and put out a "wanted" advert for a pony. We looked at few and eventually found our little man. I then had to find a livery yard for him so I asked my friend who we had our loan with if she could recommend anywhere, as obviously I didn't want to go to the yard she was on. I was given a phone number and there was a stable available - before I knew it we were there with our own pony. That was 6 months ago.
We had a great 3 months there, it was school summer holidays, my daughter did lots of riding, went to a few showjumping competitions, my daughter made friends on the yard, our pony was out in the fields with his new friends and everything was rosey. It was during this time that someone introduced me to IH/Monty Roberts and I liked what I was reading, it just made sense to me. The more I read the more interested I became and I ended up getting tickets for my daughter and I to go and see Monty at Myerscough in September. My daughter was in her element and wanted to learn these techniques because although our pony is a good ride for her, he does have a bit of personality shall we say and he poses challenges for us.
The summer came and went and suddenly one day in September our pony was in his (very small, very dark) stable and we were told via the noticeboard that no turnout was allowed due to wet fields. This went on for months. Our pony became more challenging. The dually headcollar was a necessity for even the shortest walk across the barn. He turned from a confidence-giving pony to a confidence-knocking pony. He became unrideable in the fact that he developed habits that my daughter couldn't handle. I became scared of handling him. I was told that it was all my fault - I had spoilt him because I was too soft with him and that I should "give him a crack cos he's a beast and nothing more" I was told that I was new to the horsey world, hadn't been brought up around horses, hadn't spent 30+ years dealing with horses and therefore I knew nothing. I was told to put grass reins on him, that my daughter should "jab him in the mouth when riding" and that she "needed to ride with a whip and use it like she means it" My daughter and I were made to feel like we were inadequate and unworthy of a pony.
I may not have been brought up around horses and I don't have very much experience but this "advice" that I was being given (I didn't take it onboard or follow it) just did not fit in with my beliefs and outlook on life in general. I felt miserable and depressed so how was our pony feeling? My daughter's self esteem and confidence was (still is) on the floor. She has become withdrawn in some respects. I believed that with turnout and with support from someone who held the same beliefs as me I could turn things around for my daughter, our pony and myself. I had found myself naturally led towards the IH and now was the time I needed to explore it for myself. I'm open minded to the entire IH world so I may not have the lifetime experience of these know-it-alls but I'm already ahead of them because I'm willing to learn, to listen, to watch and I won't use violence towards our pony.
I was lucky enough to find Jen1, who has today taken us under her protective wing and has moved us to her yard. I found it a difficult day, I am way too soft, sensitive and emotional for my own good but once I had done it and we were loaded on the trailer I felt a sense of relief. Jen1 was so supportive and has already started challenging me on my negative thought processes and self-doubt. My daughter is also highly sensitive and has been anxious about the move but she knows we are doing the best for our pony and I'm sure with careful guidance and lots of support she will soon feel at ease in our new surroundings.
It was wonderful to see our pony out galloping across a HUGE field with other horses today, being the sensitive and emotional me, I had a tear in my eye. I hope that I will see the same sense of freedom and relief in my daughter before so long.
I really do know how demoralising it is to be surrounded by people who don't understand what you're about.
You will find your way through this, these forums are a tremendous help, as I say I've been lurking for a while but Jen1 said I had to post tonight so what better thread to start with?!
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esther
Advanced Poster
Posts: 347
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Post by esther on Jan 11, 2013 8:33:28 GMT 1
You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Lifetimes with horses are to be celebrated. The only 'person' who has to approve of how you handle your horse is, well, your horse. And to be honest, if you've got to 19 years and you're still speaking to each other, you can't be too far off the right page Don't let the beggars get you down xxxx
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Post by BJMM on Jan 11, 2013 9:41:14 GMT 1
Galloperjack, what a wonderful and inspiring post! Wishing you and your daughter lots of future happiness with your pony and welcome to the forum. xx
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Post by cbc on Jan 11, 2013 9:51:26 GMT 1
Galloperjack, all the "experience" in the world does not make up for lack of intelligence. From your post you have gallons of the latter. For that, the ponies you have been in contact with and have now will be very grateful even if they cant say so Glad you, daughter and pony found Jen
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Post by ladyndibs on Jan 11, 2013 9:56:56 GMT 1
I had more than one tear in my eye reading your story galloperjack. Good luck and can't wait to hear all about the progress you make, without the need for a whip and don't forget some pictures when you have time ;D
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Post by curlytobiano on Jan 11, 2013 10:47:00 GMT 1
Good luck Louiseh78 and galloperjack ;D this is the right place to come. Wow gj tooif you have found jen1 you are such a lucky and clever person!
Also when people make snidely comments I find a good loud 'la la la' helps a lot :-)
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