Emotional support and tips needed for letting go..

[Lydia00]

The subject of this post actually sounds quite depressing but this is how I have felt tonight and have cried every time i've looked at him!

I've posted on here before about my 9 year old Welsh gelding and the problems he has, it now seems I am finding him a new home. Not because of his/my issues with riding but because my circumstances have or are soon to completely change and I need to be as flexible as possible.

To cut a long story short i'm 21 and am lucky enough to still live with my parents. I'm in a job that I am happy enough with but is commission based so money is never a gaurantee. Unfortunately my dad was diagnosed with severe heart disease last year and had his 3rd heart attack resulting in a quadruple bypass. He is only 50 and cannot find any form of employment now he has recovered. My mum too has health issues. Financially they cant keep our house and they have taken the hard decision of selling up and to move. I still haven't decided what I will do but I know I will not be going with them.

I find it quite depressing when I think about how I am going to build my future. I have minimal savings and my boyfriend has all his money in assets which he's bought to try and set up his electrical business which unfortunately he doesn't enjoy all that much

I've always promised myself that before I settle down with a house I would like to travel, not necessarily for long but to just see what's out there and then hopefully I would find guidance in where I want to live and what I want to do for a living (still have no idea). My Auntie lives in Australia so I've applied and been accepted for an Australian Working Visa, my boyfriend wants to do the same. This just means we can stay there for up to 12 months whilst having a job.

Another long story short my pony has deep issues with being ridden. I've only had him 14months and haven't ridden him for most of that! He was picked up at the auctions by one of his past owners and from then on just got passed around. I was lied to when he was sold to me as he has sweet itch and these mentioned issues but I never wanted to sell him on and despite him being a very expensive pet this is what he would have been!

Now my circumstances have changed and I am so scared! I don't want him to get passed on again and I just want him to have a home for life. I feel guilty and selfish and the only comfort I get is my belief or hope that everything happens for a reason and maybe me buying him in the first place saved him from landing in the wrong hands?

At weekend I put an advert on the internet for permanent loan or sale and was completely honest about him, his sweet itch and his issues. I said that he was non-rideable. I've had interest despite this and yet I don't know how to trust them? These people want to come and see him and yet I feel like I cant let go or that it's too soon? I feel I could keep him longer but genuinely thought I wouldn't get any replies!

I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed at the moment. Times are tough with my parents and I feel a little angry at the world and upset that they'll be moving far away. Maybe I could keep my little man but then I would never get to travel and would be under pressure in a job I don't love just to pay all my bills?

Sorry to whinge but I dont like talking to my mum and dad because their situation upsets me and I don't like talking to my boyfriend because he loves my horse as much as I do and is equally heartbroken! Thanks for reading, any tips for finding him the perfect home or advice is very welcome. If I had have known 18 months ago that I would be needing my own place to live at 21 I would have never thought of buying another horse. How i've taken it for granted that I still live at home!

[Lydia00]

Wow...sorry its such a long post!

[natty]

Haven't got any tips I'm afraid but just wanted to wish u luck in ur decision and I hope everything works out for u xxx

[gillmcg]

Long distance hug coming your way. You did the right thing at the right time knowing what you did then - hold that thought. Give these people a chance to see and learn to love him like you did/do. It could be the best thing that's happened to him and you. You don't want to 'grow' up (you sound pretty cool as it is!) resenting this wee chap. Respect to you and you sound to me as if you're grappling with this dilemma in such a way your Mum and Dad would be proud of you. It's a lot to take on at any age let alone 21.

[bramblesmum]

I would let these people come and see him but get them on a good contract, I am surprised they are interested with him being non ridden, so get references from vets etc and see what professionals opinions are, you sound like you have done all that could have been asked for him so don't beat yourself up x

[julz]

It might be that these people can either help him in his issues, or love him like you do, manage his sweet itch and do some work with him, while giving him a companion job to do. Don't write off people before you've met them.. First impressions are good and you only get that if you meet them. (((((hugs)))))

[cookie]

Don't write the people off but do keep that scepticism close. References and more references and get them checked out by word of mouth too if you can.

The right home for him may well be out there but be careful.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time .((hugs))

[jennyb]

Echo cookie. I put my older horse out on loan four years ago, and the best advice someone gave me was to make them jump through as many hoops as you can. Genuine people will not mind, they will understand your concerns and do everything they can to reassure you.

You hear nightmare stories about loaning, but it can go really well. My horse has been in the same home for four years and they have absolutely doted on him and taken the best care possible, even when he started to slow down with stiff joints they did not give up and send him back, but took the best care possible. Now it seems that all has been done that can be done for him, we are arranging to have him put to sleep soon and it's all very civil and being done with his best interests in mind. I, as his owner, will cover the costs of having him pts which are not covered on his insurance, I'll help her out with his medication costs when his insurance runs out in Jan, so that he can have a couple more months of "retirement" before we let him go. It can work really well, you just need to find the right person. It took me four months to find this person and I turned people down before she came along if I was at all unsure. Trust your gut instincts. I could not fault his loaner at all when she came along, she was just perfect.

[rueysmum]

Please be very careful about who you let your pony go to.

There are plenty of people about who will masquerade as a devoted person who just wants a companion for their existing horse and will then sell the horse on for meat. Sadly, many people are not what they appear to be.

There have been many cases over the past year or two where somebody has sold their unrideable horse/pony cheaply go to what they thought was a caring home and it has ended up in an abattoir. This has also happened where people have loaned their horses.

Please have a look at the website www.missinghorsesonloan.co.uk as it offers advice for people in your circumstances.

[jen1]

aaaww , im so sorry your having to go through this, if you need any help with hoop jumping just shout, maybe someone who uses ponys for therapy tools might be worth a shot, cant remember who mellymoo let her pony go to but i know it was a very good natural horsemanship trainer,

[Teeni]

Dec 9, 2011 11:20:56 GMT 1 jennyb said:

Echo cookie. I put my older horse out on loan four years ago, and the best advice someone gave me was to make them jump through as many hoops as you can. Genuine people will not mind, they will understand your concerns and do everything they can to reassure you.

What sort of things would you suggest?

[jennyb]

The obvious things - references, multiple viewings, home check initially and then regular ones in the first few months, trial period, etc. Anything you can think of, just common sense really!

[dalesfan]

Thinking of you Lydia...not sure where you're based but would it be worth asking your local RA to put the word out in case they know of someone suitable?x

[suzirock]

You poor thing Lydia, you are having a rough time of it aren't you.

My thoughts are that you really should listen to yourself and do what your instincts are telling you to do i.e. if you want to travel and work abroad then that is the goal you should set yourself and try and fulfil it. Nothing worse than looking back on things and wishing you had done them differently. Its never easy to get the things you really really want in life, its much easier to not do anything and bumble along, however if you do achieve what you really want, then there is no better feeling in the world

As far as rehoming your pony, my advice would be similar to others, as in don't rush it, take your time and don't let him go to someone you aren't 100% sure about. I recently sold my 6 yr old welsh D who I had since he was 11 months, (I never thought I would sell him - he is the first horse/pony I have sold in my 25 yrs of having horses) and it was very very hard not to get dispondant what with all the horrible people out there. I nearly lost all hope that I would find anyone good enough, and then one day 5 months after my search for a new home, a lovely lady rang me up and it was so obvious she was the right one for him. I was actually happy on the day I sold him, and I still am as I know it was the right thing to do for everyone. Im still in touch with the new owner and we have both been as open and honest about everything as we can be right from the start.

There will be someone out there for your fella, it may just take a while to find them. Be fussy and like others have said, make them jump through hoops if they want him! Good luck, thinking of you

[Lydia00]

Thank you everyone, there's been a lot of tears recently as I do feel like i'm having to deal with this on my own and that it's no-ones fault but my own.

The interest i've had so far just doesn't feel right even though they've said they will give him a lifetime home. I think I will get in touch with my local RA, see if he knows of anyone and also speak with my Parelli instructor. She loves him and said that her mum would have snapped him up had she not started having health issues herself.

I would give him away for free as long as it meant he would live a perfect life with someone who loves him. He really is just the most beautiful animal i've seen and it kills me to think that he's been mis-treated in the past and could be in the future if i let him go.

It has crossed my mind to have him PTS but I dont think im strong enough for this and i would search the world 10times for the right home for him first. I have a day off work tomorrow and i'm going to spend this searching the internet for contacts or just something....



Thank you for your advice