help please so scared

[chatterbox]

I have never been as scared to ride as i am now. I can ride jack in the school no probs, did manage to get on today and go in stuble field right next to our stables but couldnt even bring myself to move far away from the barn and was petrified did aliitle trot in a circle then back in the school. So scared he is going to take off again. It is my worst nightmare along with a rearing horse which ive had the pleasure to own too. But she would have never run off with me as sharp as she was in the 2 and half years i owned her she never once took off. I rode my friends horse out the other day in company she is an event horse and can be swift but as i know her well and she hasnt taken off i felt happy to ride her even cantered her home in the stuble field that jack took off with me in. What am i going to do. I have hacked jack all over in the past in company and on my own, the first times he took off with me i was fine but after this last timeits finished me. im so annoyed i asked all the right questions when i bought him i tied him in all situations. I was told not to feed him as he can get a bit above himself i havnt, i paid good money for him beliving the more you pay the better horse you get safety wise etc. I feel so hurt and let down and just want to enjoy hacking again. obviously jack now knows im scared which doesnt help but i cant help it he goes with such force from nothing i cant do owt to stop him. What shall i do. i feel so upset keep crying and blaming myself the people on the last yard always put me down but maybe they were right i shouldnt have a horse if i cant cope with these setbacks. Help

[stybba]

Right, first of all, big hug!

Secondly, stop blaming yourself, we have all been there. You are capable, you have every right to own your own horse, and it doesn't matter what other people think.

Thirdly, no horse is EVER 100% safe, I don't care how much you pay for it.

The fact is that jack has identified that he can run off. What you need to do now is find some strategies that will help you to deal with that.

There are people far better qualified than me to help you with that, and I have no doubt that they will. Personally I find that disengaging the quarters helps, but that does take quite alot of practice.

You can beat this. You can do it safely. There are lots of people here to help.

You are not a failure, you can and will cope.

Have faith in yourself.

[azura]

When things go wrong, it can be very hard to get your confidence back, and what i am about to suggest is not ment in a patronizing way, or that i doubt your ability, but somtimes you need to take a big step back to go forward.Have someone you trust and is experienced to lead you, even if they are not really holding on, just walking with you incase, so you feel that you have a back up, then move on to been lunged in the field, if that is poss. Most of all give yourself time, and don't let others put you down, they are probably jealousthat you have anicer horse than them. Good Luck

[sm]

#1 Stop beating yourself up about it. You've lost your confidence that doesn't make you a bad person.
#2 enjoy yourself in the school
#3 Take small bites at the problem your fears will be unlikely to disappear all in one go but in stages.
#4 With 3 in mind keep a record of what you have achieved and look to increase your hacking in small stages and don't be afraid to go back a step with it, if you were training youself to run a marathon you don't up the milage everytime, you need to have easy days/weeks as well. So if a 2 minute walk is all you can do that's ok. Build up gradually and have times when you go back to what you have done before until it seems easy.
If you can (seems like you can) hack other horses you feel more confident on so hacking in general doesn't become an issue.
See if there is something else you can do that's a bit scary in the school if you can overcome your fears in one place it makes it easier in another or even tyr doing something totally unhorsey that slightly scares you like ice skating or firewalking (that's fab if you can find a proper organised event DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!)
Get lots of books and try as many different techniques as you can, find out what suits you

Good luck

[stybba]

What exactly does he do when he takes off? I mean does he buck, snatch the reins, put his head down?

[rj]

Keep on going, take little steps at a time & be proud of your achievements.
The more you ride, even if its close to the barn or wherever you feel safe, the better.
Get to know the triggers, become more sensitive to your horses mood & try to head off any unwanted behaviour before it starts.
That's really the key - I'm sure we all know how difficult (oh, OK impossible) it is to stop them once they've gone, so your job is to prevent it happening without being up-tight & stressy all the time. Yes I know, difficult, but just keep working at it.
Trust is so easily broken, & much harder to regain.
Work at gaining trust and resepct on the ground, do lots of groundwork as well as ridden.
Find a trainer or someone else who you can get on with to help you. It has to be a calm person who will encourage & praise you & your horse for every good thing you do. Your Jack is also suffering a loss of confidence and needs lots of help from you & anyone you bring in. He needs to feel safe & secure again too.
For those who haven't been where you are, it's more 'by the grace of...' not due to any great skill or experise on their part!!!

[chatterbox]

stybba its very hard to explain what he does the first time he did it he put his head down gave a little buck and off but was easy to get under control and i just carried on cantering. But since he just seems to lauch like hes come right back on his hocks and catapults out of nowhere usually as your thinking oh bugga hes off he starts to slow down or pull up. He does it in all gaits even walk. When he was only doing it now and again thats was ok ish but three times in a week got a bit much. The last time we had done a good eightmile hack trotted up a very steep hill. Just went on the same stuble field that runs along a track to our yard the same as the day before i had him on the bit and the next thing he had gone took a bit more pulling up but i manged to stop.

[azura]

Sometimes it helps to see someone else riding your horse. i think some people put what i was trying to say better, just take things alittle at a time, and do what you feel comfortable with. I often get my OH to lead me when we take newly broken horses for their 1st hack, i may look stupid but i'd rather be safe then in some hedge somewhere.

[MirandaSophie]

You've had lots of good advice

It can be extremely nerve racking when horses tank off...my Jack (must be in the name!) has tanked off with me on two occassions when i have had no control at all. And it is extremely scary.

He did this when hacking, so I stopped. I refused to go out for months. I just couldn't do it...i'd started having panic attacks anyway and got edgy easily.

I felt happy in the school and on the yard, and even at shows! just not out hacking...I'd rather have done a ten mile cross country course than go for a wander somewhere (still would..but that's just personal preferance!)!

I spent loads of time schooling and doing things I enjoyed and felt comfortable doing - and because i was in my comfort zone, I could try new things (cantering 10m circles / stand-canter transitons, lengthening and collecting for example).

some people on the yard begged me tio hack with them. I found it so had, but they were really patient with me and we started off doing very short rides in walk....then built up.

Don't rush yourself. Do thing syou enjoy and if you feel safe int hes chool, stay in the school. your confidence will grow and you'll get to know each other better too.

Good luck and let us know how you do.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[chatterbox]

Thankyou miranda what good advice, how often can you ride in a school though i only used to go in twice a week on my last yard and they said it was too much and the horse would get p****d off with it if i kept going in. Its difficult as most people dont want to just walk they have competion horses who need keeping fit. My hacking partner is great but her horse is a event horse so cant just walk. Ised to hack out alone on last yard but dont want to from where i am now as have to cross a busy road and go down a steep hill which puts me off. i feel pathetic but just seem to gain confidence then it always goes tits up.

[rj]

Can't just walk? Says who?!
An long active walk is just as good & more hard work for a horse than trotting or cantering if done properly!!
Surely once a week someone would go for a long walk with you? If not ask OH or friend on foot or a bike to keep you company. Then make sure you go across that busy road with them to help you, & down that steep hill ditto.
Face up to your fears, & the more you do the less scary they become, as long as you are sensible.
Start off in walk, with halt transitions, & some shoulder in or other exercises where appropriate. Then, when you feel happier incorporate a few strides in trot, coming back to walk then halt, before going on again. Get Jack happy to stand on a loose rein wherever you happen to be, while you just have a look around calmly & quietly before moving on.
If there's a suitable place, let him stop for a graze. Not always at the same place or everytime you stop of course.
I've seen too many horses develop navicular, tendon & muscle probs from continual school work. It ain't natural to move within such a small space or on that sort of surface for too long at a time. So 30 mins once or at most twice a week would be more than enough IMHO.
Do your schooling when you're out. That's where you want to use it anyway.

[MirandaSophie]

My boys have gone weeks without hacking out, and being worked in the school 6 times!

As long as you keep them thinking they seem to be ok. keep doing bending and transitions etc. it'll be fine.
xx

[kya]

Try mastering some emergency brake techniques. If you knew you could stop when you wanted to wouldn't it help? There is a full decription in 'Ride with Confidence' (order from Amazon) for the one-rein stop and the pulley rein. Might make you feel more confident if you know you have schooled him into disengaging his hind-quarters and pulling up when asked.

[touchstone]

I second RJ's advice, some horses may do fine with just schoolwork, but others just go super-hyper when they eventually do go out, so it ends up a viscious circle.
My horse can be very flighty and the thing that helped the most was riding out with friend who was a bit nrevous and her horse that was terrified - we walked for miles week after week, it did everybody the world of good - my horses walk improved no end, she realised that hacking isn't about getting everywhere as fast as possible, and it definitely hardens your backside up!

[Ryan&Dizzy]

ill second the do as much as you feel happy with.

i feel dreadful when i say this now but at this time last yr Otto hadnt been out on a proper hack for about 10 months! i lost my confidence completly and went right back to making my boyfriend take me out on a lead rein for like a 10 min plod up the lane...which i remember bawling my eyes out on one because Otto looked at a shetland the other side of the road! i then progressed to getting on on my own and walking him round the yard. then i went out with another horse for 10 mins and walked up the lane...now a yr on i hack out fine in company and have been going on short ish 40 mins hacks on our own too.

while i was doing the above i also did ground work with him, took him for walks in hand and rode in the school (as i didnt mind ridding in the school). i used to like setting up obsticle corses in the school to ride round... ie weaving poles and tarps and trotting poles ...anything i could think of to present a challange but while i was in the school i felt safe to do it.
it will take time to gain each others trust back but if you try hard enough it will come back!