'my name's nich and I'm scared of my mare'

[nich]

there, I've said it - is being a recovering coward like being an alchoholic?? I have not wanted to admit it, because I felt if it wasn't acknowledged it wasn't there - if that makes sense?

the thing is, I have 2 horses. 1st, the lovely Autumn, who I got 4.5 yrs ago. I was a know-nothing novice and didn't think to be scared. Then she was written off by a vet, with DJD. I then got Dolce. D is younger, done less, 'sharper', and not so easy to handle. She is marish, can bite and kick. But she can be far more affectionate than Autumn, and has far more 'talent' and could be a fab dressage prospect. She's bouncy to ride, sharp and fast, reactive to other horses, can get strong..etc...you probably all have same or worse to cope with.

Now, Autumn the 'retired' horse came sound. So instead of being forced to ride Dolce, I can wimp back to my 1st love...and she needs riding to keep slim, fit, and feet conditioned (she's barefoot). But I have to ride D to make any progress, if I only ride her once a week, i don't seem to move on. I feel so pathetic, I have a sharer for her who rides her twice every week, and has made much more progress than me, and possibly has a better relationship.

I have fallen off D (she suddenly took off in a menage, I fell off on a circle in canter) so that doesn't help. Silly thing is, I've had a far worse fall on Autumn (and 2 years later still have pain from the injury) - but I never think anything bad will happen when I ride her (maybe cos the accident happened jumping and we don't jump anymore).

In my heart I know the answer is to force myself to do the things I'm scared off - e.g. I never canter without my instructor in a menage, and haven't even cantered on a hack for months. at least in the better eather I will feel more confident. she threw a lot at me in my lesson on Sat (bronking when a horse in the paddock next to the menage bronked; explosive canter transition followed by a horrible unbalanced 4 circles of fast canter), and I lived to tell the tale, so I know I should focus on that rather than the what if's. But what if she does it and my instructor is not there - I know I'll just get off!!

there, now I've told you, please keep it quiet, I don't want people at my yard to know - or my friends!

[kya]

Why are you pushing yourself into competing on that highly challenging horse if you feel this way? I understand all those feelings, believe me. We do need to expand the comfort zone (I hack out every day, cantering etc, but hate cantering in the arena too). Forcing yourself through fear at too quick a rate (and until you have explored why and if you want to do it), could wreck your enjoyment entirely. I don't think you are wimping back to your first love... that's tack room talk. Perhaps you need Autumn right now? This is supposed to be fun, a challenge at times, but fun primarily

Incidentally... we don't all have fast, reactive horses to cope with. I'm not a novice, but I couldn't cope whatsoever with that horse, so well done you! Dolce may be a dressage prospect, but it might be with someone else- who knows. A lot to think about I would say, but take the pressure off. You're doing well.

[amarche]

hi nich! I agree with Kanga there - i think that as you've admitted you're scared of your mare (and she sounds like quite a challenging horse in anybody's book) then you are probably coming to the relationship with all these conflicting emotions and frustrations about you and her's relationship and as she's obviously a sensitive type she is no doubt picking up on it.

i so agree that this is meant to be fun! I have a challenging horse too, he has many psych and pysiological problems and I am the first to admit now (although it took a while) that I hide behide the physiological ones to avoid working him (then I'd have to face my fears and I don't feel ready for it yet) so I potter about on my pony and have a great time. I used to be really paranoid about what other people thought but now, and with help from people on here, I don't think I really care anymore

Personally i would really try and take the pressure off your relationship with D and find something that you are both comfortable doing - I did this with William as I'll play all day with him at liberty, he's such an excellent groundwork horse

It sounds like you probably need a really supportive friend or two with you to help - and ones that understand - not the know it all judgemental yardie friends

(I also think you are doing incredibly well, you are at least facing those fears )

[nich]

ah, thanks guys! FYI the yard people aren't judgemental, I am!! I feel feeble cos my trainer (eventing type) and my sharer aren't scared. They don't judge me, I judge myself. OH is supportive too (he has had his own issues with his horse napping and carting him, so he is great to talk to, but I've only just started acknowledging it to him).

I have tried ground work but got a bit bored/stuck. I have stalled at trying to move the forehand away (can move the qtrs and get her to back up). Does anyone have any tips? rope twirling at her shoulder just makes her more determined to face me. I haven't tried work at liberty, can you tell me more about what you do Amerche??

[js]

Well I really hope you feel relived admitting it. It takes a lot of guts to do that, so well done you. The guys here are all fantastic and helped me enormously this week with lots of support and encouragement.

D certainly sounds like a challenging horse and maybe you're just not ready for her. Have you considered completely taking the pressure of yourself by asking your sharer to take on some more of the burden of schooling/riding D for maybe the next 6 months? That way you could maybe stick to your once a week lesson on her and still enjoy the lovely Autumn. Then in 6 months time you could reassess the situation and if she and you are not ready, then put it off again. And hey, stop comparing yourself with your sharer and trainer - we're all different. Maybe it's them who are unwittingly making you put pressure on yourself ? It's great you have such a supportive OH so keep talking to him.

As said above and with which I totally agree this is all meant to be for pleasure, so consider stripping it back to a level where you can enjoy.

I sometimes wonder why we put ourselves through it you know. But for me it's like an addiction. Sometimes I can't cope with it, but I KNOW I can't cope without it.

Good luck and keep us posted. X

[wozzer]

Welcome nich. Hope you will be a regular poster and let us know how you get on! xx

[dreamchaser]

I have the same problem with my horse. I try to move hids shoulders and he hates it. He stands up to any type of herd leader skills from myself. I have put all my hopes of competing this year to concentrate on groundwork and a happy horse with a leader... Yes groundwork is boring. But getting floored by a huge weight hurts... So groudnwork it is... I am trying clicker at the moment. He seems to respond well to it. So fingers crossed for us... ;D

[kya]

My riding buddy told me yesterday that when she lunges her horse he rears up and tries to strike out at her... I was stunned!

[iceberg]

My friends mare was brilliant in all ways, but lunging she would freak out, we always put it down to a very bad experience she must have had. She was 11 when friend got her and had little info on her. She concentrated on just schooling after that.

[amarche]

Hi nich - well I don't really have a set structure to liberty play but I normally start with a join-up/follow up to start with (depending on how much focus he has on the day ) and then I ''play'' groundwork games but off line, introducing lots of props and obstacles

I'm a Parelli enthusiast too so I use my carrot stick and body language for direction and we negotiate spooky stuff, weave in and out of jumps/cones, practise being able to direct all four feet (for control) by placing one or two in a hoop or such like, my boy had a HUGE phobia or rugs so that was our aims for a while.....it really is down to you and your imagination is the limit!

Of course you can do all this on-line too - some days he's really not interested so he just follows me about on the yard like a puppy dog. We have a few basic manners he has to stick to, like not stopping on top of me (he's a rather large scaredy-cat) so likes to jump ontop of you as a comfort blanket

I don't ride him for many reasons, and my nerves are one of them, but he will run to me in the field to be caught and I think for an abused neglected horse that is a wonderful acheivement, and makes me incredibly proud.

not everyone is a fan of the Parelli system but I've picked the bits I like and mix and match.....to move my horses shoulders I used my hands as pressure to move them, again its about timing and release with the give so that now he moves with a suggestion from the rope/carrot stick without contact. (i can go into more detail but then I'll bore everyone to tears! )

I have complete respect for you nich in perservering with D and that I think your determination will mean you'll have a wonderful relationship with her, just maybe not the one you originally had planned

[mandal]

Seeing as I'm being Gobby atm (sorry jen1) Just wanted to say you have made the first step in helping yourself by admitting your fear.......................AND may I say that from what I've read you are going to get loads of great support from others on this board. I think you're all fab! ;D

Mta.............. welcome!

[nich]

wow I am so glad to have discovered this part of the IH discussion group. I wouldn't let myself look at it for ages - how daft! My sharer can only ride twice a week, but as my trainer schools D twice most weeks am ok with that (the cost of one is off-set by the payments from the other). I just want to move beyond working under instruction only...
by the way, I think D is actually a lovely person underneath it all, and very talented. We just need to learn to cope with each other (which means me learning mostly). I wonder if I should get groundwork help - no-one at my yard is into it.

[amarche]

ace idea nich!
you could book an RA for a couple hours to give you a bit of direction or I bet someone on here may be close to you to come over for a bit of mutual support?


(I love it in here, warm & friendly & supportive, just what friends are for right? )

[js]

I second that amarche. Love it here.