What is wrong with me ?

[yatva]

I have owned an arab for two years and in that time I rode him exactly 4 times because I was so nervous of him and I have to hack out on my own where there are all sorts of spooky things (ostriches for one). He behaved himself perfectly every time, but I gave him to another lady (who adores him) with the feeble reason that he is too small for me. 15.1 hh although I have always ridden horses over 16.1hh. Now I have another horse that is supposed to be bombproof (a lovely 16.1hh thoroughbred that was abandoned in a stony field without water to starve by her previous owner), and so far she hasn't put a foot wrong except for pulling out of my hands and running away after she is saddled, but I know this is just mischief. I am now too scared to ride her and yet will now happily ride the arab without any confidence issues at all ! Am I going round the bend ? If I had known that this would happen I wouldn't have given him away ! Any psychiatrists out there ??

[kya]

I think you are being waaaay too hard on yourself. New horse.... of course you're on your toes. You finally got on with the arab. There's no timetable running you know. If it took some twists and turns, four years, so what. You are doing it. There are lots of wonderful people on this DG who can talk your through groundwork to build a bond before you ever get aboard. Take that pressure off. You can do it, and when you are ready you will do it. Plumb this site for help and feel free to let it out on this Confidence section. We are all losing our minds here- so welcome to the Confidence club. I just cantered in company (normally ride alone) for the first time in a YEAR this morning. Not exactly headline news, but these are the little steps we are all walking ourselves through. New horse... perfectly normal feelings.

[angblue]

Agree with kanga totally. It takes a long time for some of us to build a bond & real trust with a horse(esp if you have confidence issues), I'm getting there after 2yrs!
Stop worrying about the riding & do some groundwork to get to know your new ned & for her to get to know you too!
I'm sure once you do this you'll feel heaps better, let us know how you're getting on

[wozzer]

Just take a read through these threads - we all have confidence issues on here, but it helps to know that others feel the same.

We will all try and help you and each other. Good luck ;D

[Wispa]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.... welcome to my world (and plenty of others too!).

Have you tried NLP? It did not fully work for me as I work in London three days a week and do not get to ride out every day. My horse was also at field rest immediately following the session so I could not put the re-inforcement in practice. However, I did feel a lot better for a number of weeks following the session so I would recommend investigating further.

My 16.3hh Irish TBX would not stand whilst I mounted (it sometimes took up to 12 tries to get him to stand still). I have since managed to educate him into standing quietly by getting him to stand adjacent to the mounting block each time I put him out in the morning and brought him in at night. I would mount the block and simply stroke his back and pet him whilst telling him he was a good boy. This re-inforced the idea that I wasn't always going to get on him when asking him to stand adject to the mount. I would always reward him with a treat if he behaved well and this seems to have now solved the problem.

I only recently joined this web-site and the encouragement from other members has been fantastic. Reading about all the other people out there with a similar confidence problem has made me feel much better. There are plenty of tips and advice around, some of which I am going to try in order to see if I can muster confidence to start hacking out again (I have been riding my horse in the sand school for the past 6 months on account of beeing unceremoniously dumped in a stubble field whilst he galloped back to the yard. It was a long way down and I'm no spring chicken!)

I've had Rio for almost a year and the advice re bonding is quite right. We are now beginning to trust each other and the ground work has been brilliant in developing that trust.

Horses are tremendously intelligent creatures and can learn very quickly ..... the treats definitely work!

Good luck and let us know how you get on!

[yatva]

Thanks for all the advice, but I am in South Africa and not sure what NLP is ? We also don't have RA's and that sort of thing. My horse and I are in a nature reserve 70ks from the nearest town, and it is really hard to get motivated to sometimes even go and see her let alone ride ! It is just that I find it so strange that the boy that I was afraid of, holds no fears for me at all anymore, and it happened almost overnight so it seemed. As soon as I got the other horse, as he was 'not my kind of horse' I find that he actually is after two years and she has now become the bug bear, but it is too late for me as I have already given him to someone else although I still see him every day as he also lives here and I can ride him if his new owner is away. It is just the mind set that I find so puzzling.

[kya]

The riding must be amazing!! Tell us more about the countryside!?

[yatva]

The riding is amazing. I have 2000ha trails and paths and 4km of beach to ride on. There is small wildlife such as buck and wildcat and also ostrich. The going is quite heavy though as it is all soft sand, so a good canter really sweats them up - can also make them do racehorse imitations ! We don't have to ride on the roads at all to get to the rides either as they start straight from the farm. Our horses live in grass camps thoroughout the year as the weather is really quite mild, but at the moment it is the beginning of winter and we have started rugging them.

Major drawbacks are no schooling or lunging arenas and often no-one to ride with as there are only four horses, mine, 2 that belong to weekend riders and one who belongs to a woman who doesn't ride at all but keeps him as a pet - she is more nervous than I am !

[dawnb]

Hi Yatva - just wanted to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Its just your own survival chip kicking in! My horse is a darling, hasnt put a foot wrong but yet I am still quite nervous. Maybe it'd be worth you just spending time with your horse grooming and having a play with her just to build up your own confidence? Try lots of breathing and singing too. The last time we hacked out I was singing nursery rhymes out loud - probably looked and sounded rather daft but it worked Best of luck and dont be so hard on yourself, we all have wobbles from time to time x

[kya]

Sounds fantastic even with the drawbacks. I have about a mile of off road here apart from the forest and stubble. Green with envy!

[frank]

i'm an unqualified mental health nurse. the answer to all your problems is to get on. good luck.

ps ive always found valluim is helpful.

[fth]

NLP is neuro linguistic programming -- great for confidence and self talk stuff -- and it can work over the phone, doing it yourself with books and journals and by email -- believe me, I had an email recently from someone who said her whole life had changed for the better afetr an email NLP consultation...

so if you have web access look up NLP and see if ther eIS anyone at the end of a phone line who could help you...look for a Master Practitioner if you can

good luck