Feeling Really Bad for My Buddy

[wozzer]

Feel bad. Asked Nikki if it was Ok if I didn't ride out with her and new friend to the showground today, as had a bit of a dodgy curry last night The objective was to take Coral around the showground as she doesn't really like trailers and we don't think she's ever been to a show, future objective for me and Nikki is to actually enter some classes later this year ;D

I texted her at lunch time to see how she'd gone on. She said she'd call in to see me on her way home.

It was a disaster They had met up and ridden along the (traffic free) farm lanes near us to get to the show. Before they got there, they met a tractor and trailer on one of the private lanes here. This freaked out new friend's horse who started to buck. New friend leapt off and the horse legged it in gallop

Whilst leaping off she fell and hurt her back. Nikki checked she was ok (farmer came over to see if she was ok) and went off to try and catch loose horse (well done, Nikki ;D). Coral was as good as gold for Nikki (well done, Coral ;D).

Anyway, horse was caught by lady horse owner at nearby farm fortunately, and new friend remounted and they continued.

New friend then leapt off her horse again, when on short stretch of road, as her horse was in her terms "having one". Nikki couldn't really say what was wrong, but got off Coral too for moral support, and they walked along the road.

Poor Nikki. She's got home in one piece but I am feeling so bad for not going with her. I know that Lincoln would have behaved well with the tractor and trailer, thus giving new friend's horse a decent lead.

But also ..... this is something I don't like.

When we met up with this lady a week or so ago, we were stood chatting in the lane (traffic free lanes, again) and her horse started moving sideways towards a ditch. Instead of putting her right rein and right leg on to move the horse over sideways to the left, she leapt off it and started shouting and thrashing the reins and crop at the horse and telling it off. Now I don't like anything like that, but understood that the lady was frightened that the horse would have fallen in the ditch, but I regret that I said nothing at the time about how she might have done things differently (not my place really, is it )

But, it now seems apparent that whenever she anticipates a problem, she jumps off (and that's ok in Kelly's books, and I don't blame her), but why would she expect her horse to stand for her when she leaps off and then shouts/smacks it If I was her horse, every time she jumped off I'd leg it too

Nikki said she wishes I was there and that made me feel bad. If I had been there I would probably have had some suggestions for new lady, but it is not necessarily my place to tell her how to handle her horse.

Oh dear, not sure how to go about future rides with her. We have none planned and I would like to help her if she wants, but not sure how to approach things. Feel I will have to say something to her if she wants to come out with us again, probably lend her my books. What do you think?

[alfie]

oh dear, your poor friend, sounds like her new friend is extremely nervous of her horses little quirks, i have got off loads of times before but its a reward for good behaviour/ to take some pressure off so you can help your horse to deal with something. not to yell and lash out at it thats very wrong.Don't blame your self for not being there, i doubt another rider would have make this lady change her behaviour with out being blatently obvious ::)as you have witnessed before. can you ride out with your friend with out the new company. sounds a bit like the new company may put her show dreams back rather than forward.
We have a rider here that is always after company but then happily ignores all requests from other riders, has no road manners and takes off without warning. has put a couple of people right back confidence wise.
hope it works out ok,
take care
r and alfie xx

[kya]

I agree Wozzer, you simply can't hold yourself accountable for what happened. There's no guarantee things would have been any different in anycase, but it's typically generous spirited of you to think so. Delicate really. She sounds scared of her horse and not in charge of herself. That behaviour has no place around horses as we know, but I do understand having lost it myself, how hard it is to be emotionally detached. Perhaps encourage her to talk about her riding and lead her towards asking for help, rather than offering books etc. Pride is a tricky thing. Glad all are well.

PS... if she ever loses it that way when you are out with her, try asking her immedeatly (putting the horse to one side I'm afraid) if she is ok... Look concerned and puzzled. This will signal to her that you think she is acting irrationally.

[wozzer]

Good idea Kanga. Don't want to sound like a know it all by saying something to her directly, but I do believe that the reason her horse ran away today is because she regularly leaps off then shouts at it and hits it.

The other people she rides out with are a bit like that too, so I choose not to go out with that gang.

I'm a bit daft really, but I want everyone to have a good relationship with their horse, and would like to share the things I know, but you have to know someone a bit better first, don't you I don't want to fall out with her, but wish I could help her - it's a lovely little mare she has, poor thing.

Nikki said to me - funny, she was so quiet when you have been with us, she's never shouted at her horse then has she (it's probably because I'm so bossy ;D). LOL! I'm too busy telling everyone what to do, when to trot (politely of course), but it also makes me feel safer being in charge.

Oh god, I'm wittering on again aren't I? Thanks for listening. xx

[kya]

I'm a nervy person in the wrong company.. not that I would react that way.. but your presence may make a difference. Perhaps you are an anchor in her mind. I'll be interested to see how this plays out.