Buterflies in stomach

[unconfident]

I am slowly regaingin my confidence and fully accpet that my horse is one of the safest around however I cannot seem to get rid of the butterflies and sickness i feel in my stomach before riding. A classic example is that i have arranged to ride tomorrow with a friend who used to hack with me a lot, however I am sat at work 24hrs before swaeting and unable to eat. By tonight I will have smoked myself to death and have spent more time on the toilet than in my lounge!
I know when I finish I will feel elated but I struggle to hold on to that feeling and change it in to a look forward to riding scenario.
Any advice would be gratefully revcd.

[iceberg]

Try to convince yourself that it is excitement about riding, not nerves. Try to imagine having a lovely plod out, in the sunshine, all the nice things you will see etc.

Over and over - you are NOT nervous, you ARE excited, you ARE going to have a lovely time. Repeat this to yourself, again and again, after all if we can talk ourselves out of something, we can talk ourselves into something.

Even when you go to bed tonight, you keep thinking Im going to enjoy tomorrow, im going to ride, im going to have a lovely ride, Im SO exited.

Positive thinking is the key, im willing you to think happy thoughts, and I really hope this helps you.
Please tell us how you got on, and if it helps, (this is what I did the other day after I had arranged for my friend to help me get back on) and it worked too.xxxxx

[unconfident]

Its funny when I go to bed I have these really good ideas about going for a nice ride all going well etc etc. Then next morning the old nerves come back. It seems that when I cannot ride for example at night I am all big and bold but the moment I have the opportunity then I go to pieces. I have been perscribed beta blockers by my doctor but am relucatant to get used to them.

[iceberg]

I think you are me!!!!

I lie awake for hours thinking i'll do this, do that, then in the morning feel sick and dont want to go to the yard, or make excuses. Or if I do make it to the yard, as soon as I see him my nerves start to build up.

Perhaps your friend would tack up for you, then all you need to do is get on and go? Sometimes the build up - brushing, tacking up used to make me worse, and so my friend did it for me so all I had to do was climb aboard and go.
Positive thought all day! good luck.xx

I dont know anything about beta blockers sorry, so cant help with those.xxx

[unconfident]

Beta blockers seem to take away the heart flutters but thats all. Doctor said children take them before exams etc. Mind you cant start on them today cause think I will be unconsious by tomorrow.
To make it worse my friend has just texted to say 'will I be ok tomorrow as she cant handle any panic attacks whilst out'. I thought I was turning a corner but this has made me feel awful.

[iceberg]

Well maybe if your friend cant help, perhaps you shouldnt go with her, Im sorry if it sounds horrible, but if you are relying on her and she cant cope then its not going to help you. Moral support is great and if you arent getting it you will feel worse. Im sorry she feels this way, perhaps she has confidence issues and cant be strong for both of you?

Dont feel awful, at least you know she cant cope with any panic issues and you can make a desicion whether to go or not. Im sorry I cant be more help, you must be so peed off, but try your positive thinking thoughts and see how you feel in the morning.

Long term lessons may well be the way forward, if you can find an instructor or even a friend who can help you, who you can trust and build upon from there.

I do know exactly how you feel, I just cannot get on my horse without someone else there.
Even a year ago when I had Toby I still had wobbly days, and found it hard to get on him and hack out sometimes. But I trusted him totally and that was a big help.

Good luck with whatever you decide for tomorrow.xxx

[wozzer]

Do you have someone willing to accompany you on foot or on bicycle? I know that I feel better knowing there is someone there. Good luck. xx

[kya]

Hope you' re not on the coffee?? I had a sleepless night before a ride on Wensday night, and it was the coffee I was not supposed to be on. I agree with Iceberg... not the most supportive of texts. Could you not put her off? If my buddy said that to me, it would gut my confidence as she has to take you as you are, that's critical.

[wendyihts]

I would suggest not using Beta blockers in this type of situation (i.e. where they've not been prescribed by a doctor for a defined medical condition). The reason is that beta blockers basically sit on one part of our central nervous system to stop the nervous feelings. However, when you stop taking them, your nervous system can end up rebounding big style even tripping you over into a panic attack.

If you want to try some kind of calming supplement for yourself, I would suggest having a look at some of the herbal supplements out there, which are more gentle and well rounded. I used to use one called 'Stressless' that I got from Boots. It has Withania, Skullcap, Hops and Valerian in it though be sure to check the labels and suitability of anything before you take it. Sometimes herbal preparations can interact with prescription medicines so you need to exercise due caution.

Do remember that nicotine is a stimulant and smoking more cigarettes is only contributing to the sense of being uptight. Kanga is also right to point out trying to reduce the overall level of stimulants you're taking in the form of coffee, tea or cola drinks. All of these will pump up your overall levels of stress.

I also like the recommendation to try and interpret the things you're feeling differently. It really helps if you can reframe what you're feeling. That goes for the text message from the friend as well. Instead of thinking and convincing yourself that your friend's message was an unsupportive act that just made you feel worse, try to consider the very real possibility that she's just expressing how nervous she's feeling and how she's struggling to find the right words to tell you that. Your friend's message didn't make you feel worse - your thoughts about your friend's message are making you feel worse.

Lastly, I would recommend that you don't sit there brooding about your hack out. We make ourselves feel worse when we churn over these thoughts in our mind for hours on end. Redirect your thoughts and your activities somehow - what else do you like doing? Go and see a good film, especially a good comedy where you can laugh yourself silly, get stuck into a task at work that helps take your mind off things, go for a jog - getting some decent physical exercise is a really good thing to do because it helps to burn off all those 'stress chemicals' in your body and replaces them with Feel Good chemicals.

I guess you've been for your hack already - if you're back here reading this it means you survived after all! Hope these suggestions help for the next time.

[em&ed]

Hey! How did it go?

[iceberg]

Tell us how it went. xxxx

[unconfident]

Well I went, started off fine but then had a major fit at a hill we had to go down. Friend was ok but her horse walks a lot faster than me. Calmed down after we had done a loop and gone back up this hill and in fact walked home on a loose rein. I think I realised that my horse was so tired cause we went out for 2 hrs that he was not going anywhere.
Really glad I went, now how do I hold on to that feeling.
Think you are right about cigs and coffee cause in fact I do not smoke on normal occassions so in a way it highlights to my body that I am nervous as that is the only time I will have them.
Thanks for all your support.

[kya]

You did it! Riding, riding and more riding will help. When I got my horse, I cried the night before every hack (I was riding alone). I can't even remember those days and was advised at the time to try to keep going regardless of the panics. It worked for me, but it takes a long time... think in several months, not weeks. You did so well yesterday. Take the positive from the ride and listen to Wendy's wonderful advice. This board is a great place to come for support if you don't want to talk to your usual friends, though that should help you too.

[em&ed]

That's good news! Now you have a valid excuse to give up ciggies sounds like your horse enjoyed himself too, but your friend should wait for you if she was walking too fast.

I cannot offer advice on how to hold the feeling but I would be interested in how to do that myself.

[wozzer]

Firstly mega well done ;D Two hour gap Flipping 'eck that's brill

Yep, you need to tell your friend not to allow there to be too big a gap between the horses (be bossy like me ;D). If her horse is onward bound with a larger stride, you might worry that your horse will rush to catch up and you don't want them to happen going down hill.

Just shout out to her "could you just hang on a bit please" and I am sure she will (Gosh don't mean to sound so patronising, just trying to demonstrate what I mean ;D).

In other words - just get a bit bossy, let your friend know if you are starting to get worried so that she can help you do something about it. Not everyone would realise that something like that would worry you.

Really pleased for you. But like Kanga has said, what you need to do now is ride again. You just have to keep doing it. Promise yourself you will get on your horse every day, even if only for 5 minutes, as to miss a day is not good for you.

Please update us and good luck. xx