NLP with some interesting results

[Guest for this]

Now heres an interesting one and all thoughts and opinions gratefully received. A friend has a boyfriend who is trainging in NLP and stuff like that and thought he could help me with my fear of hacking out. During the session he said that my fear was control and stemmed from my mother controlling me nowand when I was a child. ( i am 50years old). He said only way to hack out on own was to tackle these issues and then all would be solved. I am obviously a bit unsure but would be prepared to if it allowed me to enjoy my horse to his full potential. Has anyone had similar experiences or can offer any advice,

[wozzer]

Control freak here! *puts hand up in air* ;D

See, I like it when I'm in control and don't like it when the horse thinks he's in control - and the times this happens is when our horses have a spook, etc

My major breakthrough in overcoming my nerves has been to regularly ride out with a less experienced friend, and having to make my horse be the one to go past the monster in the hedge - there really was no choice as my friend's horse would absolutely not go first. Because I was in charge (had to be), it built up my confidence.

Not that I am suggesting everyone goes out to find a new hacking friend who is new to riding - but I believe that is what has helped me.

At the end of the day, being nervous of riding is about accepting the fact that the sport has inherent dangers. But then, we have to do everything we can to make sure we are safe. Not riding at all is an option, and that is sometimes what freaks us confidence people out - we get that worried we stop riding at all.

I say go for the NLP, but please report back to us and let us know how you have got on. Good luck. xx

[nic1]

NLP should basicly reroute the thought process. I don't think it is based entirely on growing up etc. Alot of fears about riding in general stem from being in control and the lack or loss of control.
It is possible that it has something to do with your fears , I don't know i am not a hynotherapist, but i have had hypnosis and NLP and it didn't come to down to my childhood or upbringing. My fears are based on previous events, being bolted with, being bucked off on a hack etc, the NLP helped me re route my thought process to avoid the same processes that your brain always takes ie, i am hacking out, so my horse will clear off as soon as he sees grass, then i will fall off equals loss of control. If you change the thought process to i am hacking out, we will just go up the lane, we will walk all the way, it will be nice and i WILL enjoy it. It sounds simple but we go into a state called hypervigilance which is when the body prepares to protect itself, but goes beyond what is reasonable. The Nlp should be able to regulate that and help you to be aware of the dangers but will allow you to push your boundaries more without panic.
I am sorry i haven't explained it better, but i am having a problem putting how it was explained and demonstrated to me. I hope it makes sense.
Nic
x

[kya]

Well guest... I was highly controlled growing up and as an adult by a very domineering mother. I have only returned to riding since I stopped seeing her. I can see how one could impact on the other, very clearly.

[dawnb]

The only experience I've had of NLP is through the Caroline Putus workshops. At the time I found it good, as we'd to imagine the situation which caused the problem and make it into black & white, then smaller till it faded. It did help me alot, but I personally havent found it to be a permanent solution as Im back to square 1 again with my nerves but thats due to me having a year out. Maybe its something else to look at again? Dunno, I also understand some people are "better" with it than others, kind of like hypnotism - some go under easy and others dont - I think I fall into the latter catagory! Good luck anyway Im sure you'll crack it in the end x

[Guest for this]

I suppose my question is 'do I take a risk and have the conversation with my mother in the hope it improves my riding or are they seperate issues.'. This chap is trainging and the sad thing is he seems quite intense and i wonder if he is reading so much in to it, however i hate to say that cause i have tried other workshops and they have not worked so this seems like the last resort. Just wonder if i could end up motherless and unable to ride out .?

[eileen]

Hhhhmmm, not sure i would want to tackle something as serious as "loss of confidence" with someone who is "training" i picked up a card for a lady who does nlp, her name is Jo and i have heard really really good things about her, she does it on the phone and she is very experienced, i will try and find her contact details, they may be on the Mary Wanless website as i got her card when i went to Mary's demo the other week. eileen x

[wozzer]

Eileen that's the lady I posted on here recently. Jo Cooper is her name (think my thread was called Professional confidence help or similar). If anyone needs her number/contact, etc pm me as I have her card here on the desk. xx

[Derek Clark]

Hi Guest,

NLP, when it's used ethically and well, is something that is done "with" someone and not "to" them. As a Certified Trainer of NLP, I have some observations that might help you decide what to do next.

From your original post, you stated that "he said that your fear was ...". If "he" is telling "you" what you are thinking, then he is guessing and no more. If you are telling him - albeit with his help to bring your unconscious beliefs into your conscious awareness - then that's entirely different. NLP can be very successful in helping you change your beliefs or enable you to reprogramme your own thoughts. They do need to be your own thoughts, though!

The second thing I'd mention is that any problem has an infinite number of solutions. There is not an "only way" to resolve anything. Just look at horsemanship! There are always lots of ways, each of which have their own pluses and drawbacks. NLP is really about increasing choice - in other words, helping someone generate alternative choices (note the plural!) in a situation where they are currently stuck with only one option (in your case - feeling fear).

Has your helper guided you through the process of creating a well-formed outcome, so that you are able to consider the pluses and minuses before choosing what to do next?

Hope this helps, feel free to ask here or PM me if you'd like any more info.

Derek

[wendyihts]

Hi Derek, thanks for your input on that. I'm really glad you commented there!

OP, sometimes you can tackle confidence issues in your riding by dealing with confidence issues you have in other areas of your life. However, usually I would recommend starting with the smaller, more manageable events or circumstances and then working up to dealing with 'the biggies' as your ability and your confidence grows. I get the feeling that starting with Your Mother Relationship might not fit that.

I don't agree at all that you have to resolve this particular issue with your mother before you can hope to move on with your confidence out riding. You can resolve the issue with your mother as and when, or even if, you feel like doing so. You can definitely work on your thoughts and feelings about hacking out way before that.

[Susan]

Wendy when I read your OP it brought home to me how similar yur situation was for me.
Brief: Year last Easter my Mum died and I realised to move on with the baggage I carried everyday was to seek counselling. Which I did, and as the sessions progressed I started to accept I was not at fault and not always to blame as my own Mother was a controlling person not through her own fault but through mental problems. I learned to acknowledge I also could stop blaming her as well. Much of the sessions I have used in helping me with a lack of self belief in myself, which I see as not lack of confidence simply I choose to say I wont be able to do that even though inside I knew I was capable.
That together with my RWYM trainer who will not accept me saying I am not good enough to do that, because she always gets me acheiving and boosts my moral so much I cant help but feel good about myself.
When I hack out on my own now, if Flynn says I think we should go home now, I now say Oh no you wont because I am in charge. I don't have a battle we simply have a chat and he then says Ok your right we will continue where you want to go.
But I found it had to be built up in small steps and now and again I do revert back to thinking I am to blame for some silly incident that happens, I put my mind frame back and think the sessions I went through and say..Yes I can deal with this.
Even in jumping I have the self doubts inside my head, but work with my comfort zone and then take a slightly bigger step up when I know I am feeling I can do this. Again much has happened working with people who said to me I can do it.