How do you help someone...

[susih]

...when you have no idea what to do to help?

A friend's in a tight spot, financially and professionally, and judging by the latest she's got about a week to turn her luck around and start winning instead of the constant losing she's been facing recently. She really has very little left, very soon nothing, and I'm really worried for her. She's prone to desperation, now more than ever, and I know her well enough to fear the worst. She's strong enough to check out permanently, to do the "#¤%& you guys, I'm going home" -move.

I just don't know what to do to help. I don't know her line of business to give any practical advise, I'm out of "don't worry, you'll do just fine" -phrases - I think she's way past those by now. She doesn't need my shoulder either - she's sinking deeper and deeper into a sort of quiet desperation where there are no lines of communication left.

All you Reiki-people, all of you with any idea how to reach her and support her - please help. I really don't know which way to turn next.

Susi

[superstrawberry]

Aww i have no ideas of help for you , but best wishes,luck and hugs to you and your friend... even if you cant help , just being there for her when she does need or ask for it. All the best to you both

[kofihorse]

Ask her! Say that you really want to be a help but you don't know what she needs and could she tell you what she would appreciate you doing. Tell her of your fears for her, too.

[touchstone]

By being there for her you are supporting her. Unfortunately in life we often have lessons to learn, and we can only learn personally and as much as you want to help to carry her burden, I am afraid it is something only she can do. By being strong and positive however you will be able to offer her support. It sounds as if she is suffering from depression as well as everything else and although we all rely on material things in life I feel as if the focus needs to shift more to what she does have in her life, not what she doesn't or won't have - counting blessings in efffect. Adversity creates great strength and I think your friend needs help in recognising that even at this difficult time there is always something positve to come out of it. As one door closes so another door opens as they say.
Desperation can make people do things which they wouldn't normally contemplate; helping her to see how her actions would/does affect others, including yourself may help to bring her around a little; making her realise how much she is loved and cared for. In order to grow and move on we need to appreciate what is around us, and shift the focus from the material to the spritual in order to become balanced and at peace; we can then find that our material life will all fall into place around us. Worrying does nothing to help the situation, it only focuses our attention on the negatives, the 'what ifs' and 'buts' which may never happen.
I wish you both all the best, try to keep positive and uplifted! xx

[milo]

just being there to listen to her problems will help

[SteveW]

You are not very specific and as you appear to be in Finland that might not help anyway. First step is to convince her that there is a solution to every problem - you just have to find it, giving up doesn't solve the problem or make it go away. With small problems there is no harm in working it out for yourself but if it is as serious as you say, the best course of action is relevant professsional help. People who deal with these things day in day out immediately assess the situation, come up with ideas it might take you months to think of and take a few ounces off your shoulders when they tell you how many other people have got over the same problems. I don't know the specific problem or the support available in Finland but it is civilised country so the support must be there - search the net or the phone book. And work on keeping the lines of communication open, the only way to tackle a problem is to face it and be realistic. The solution may be drastic and not what you wanted but undoubtedly better than the alternative. Good luck.

[susih]

Thank you all for your kind and wise words.

I wasn't very specific for the very reason this was someone else's crisis, and I felt uncomfortable discussing someone else's problems, no matter how close it came to me. This is an old friend who's been there for me when I needed a friend, and equally I felt very strongly I really had to do something to help her. She is in fact in the UK, whereas I indeed am in Finland, and the distance made me ever so slightly helpless. Thank heavens for the phonelines and the internet-connection, it's amazing how close they can bring your absent friends.

Like someone said, being there is sometimes all that is needed. Just to discuss the situation, and to be able to squeeze a few hysterical laughs out of it made a world of difference. I'm happy to say the old fighter ain't gonna give up, just yet. This boat may have sunk, but she's still swimming. I'm actually amazed at the optimism she's been able to conjure up - I have to think it's all the patina she's gained from the past struggles/disasters that has made her heck of a lot stronger than I realized. Oh well, I knew she's strong. The way things were going I just feared she was not strong enough.

Thanks again for listening.

Susi