Feel like I'm losing them all

[suzieq]

I am soo sorry for you Wendy you must be devestated.. its so hard when you feel like you are doing everything you can.

[wendyihts]

Thanks for your support, guys. In myself, I guess I'm feeling a bit less desperate. I guess I've had to adjust my attitude to the horses; I was talking to my hubby the other night saying 'I feel like I'm losing them all' and he said 'well, we are going to lose them at some point. We were always going to outlive them, the only question is when and how, so there's no point being miserable whilst they're still here'. He's right - there's a Buddhist saying 'see the pot as already broken'. It sounds kind of funny, but it teaches you that you just have to appreciate every day for itself. I know that sounds bizarre but it's just about the only way I can get out of feeling so miserable.

The other thing that helps is seeing the horses themselves. Mascagne and Lutine were playing in the paddock the other morning. Mascagne waits until she knows she has a bit of open space, then she still has a good old buck, fart and gallop. She sometimes knocks into the other horses or stumbles over obstacles when she's playing but she doesn't seem to let it bother her too much. Crystal has also been hooning about, as per usual. So, if the horses themselves can be happy about having Today, it seems rather silly for me to sit about commiserating somehow on my bad luck.

As for the rest of it, I'm just trying whatever medications, supplements and treatments I can find and reasonably afford. The vet is trying to get hold of this professor of opthamology at Toulouse University to have a word with him, see if he has any other ideas. Apparently, the vet did some extra studies in opthamology there and so he knows this particular professor. And then I just have to wait and see what happens.

With regards to the horses, Lutine seems to be doing OK. I put in the atropine the other night and it dilated her eyes really well and then the effect lasted quite a while. I spoke to the vet on Friday and he said 'you never know. It could be something else with Lutine' but then last night, I spotted this little white deposit in her eye again so I really don't know. But in any event, it doesn't seem to be hugely aggressive with her.

Crystal has also developed some white deposits in her eyes, but for the moment it's still only the right eye that has the corneal wrinkling, which the vet thinks is hypotension. I'm going to get him out to have a look at her eyes again though, because I don't think he's seen them for a couple of weeks at least and I want him to examine them thoroughly.

Mascagne is just about the same, I think. Both eyes are very badly damaged but she still has some vision left in the right eye. I think the left eye is gone though. She'd smacked her orbit the other night when I went out so I am taking off the filter on the right side of her gaurdian mask overnight so she can still see something and leaving it closed on the left eye. Hopefully, that will help protect the blind left eye from knocks.

One thing I've learned about this disease is how much of a roller coaster it is. You have a few days where things look OK, then next thing you know, some other deterioration has set in. I don't know what the end game will be but I'll keep you updated as and when anything significant happens.

Thanks for your support and healing.

[wendyihts]

A quick update.

The vet came out last night and had a good look in everyone's eyes. The good news is that he can't see any sign of the uveitis in Lutine's eyes. I still don't think her eyes look as they used to but he says that the dilation at night is within the normal range, the back of the eye has no signs of inflammation and the anterior chamber, pupil etc show no signs of damage. So, I just need to keep her under observation but otherwise, she seems fine.

He found that Mascagne still has a level of vision in her left eye as she was reactive to light though not reactive to the menace test (where you move you hand as though you're going to poke their eye and get them to blink). The good news about that is that the retina must therefore still be functioning. He couldn't see to the back of either of her eyes as the lenses are now cloudy but she still has some vision left in the right eye too. We had a conversation about her long term prospects. He says the most important thing is to preserve what vision she has left for as long as possible, for her safety in the field as much as anything. I was asking him about what signs mean that the horse needs to have its eyes removed and he said that, more or less, they end up having eyes removed when they develop severe complications like glaucoma or unreponsive ulcers, or when they keep having serious acute attacks of uveitis. However, seeing as Mascagne's eyes have gone the opposite way and have developed hypotension, he thinks she's less at risk of the glaucoma. Just have to try and make sure she doesn't get ulcers or some other kind of infection in them, especially as we're using steroid eye cream on a long term basis.

With Crystal, he was able to have a good look deep inside her eyes and says the uveitis hasn't damaged the inside/back of the eye. There's some minor damage and signs of mild inflammation still in the anterior chambers (from the pupil and lense forward) plus she has this hypotension in her right eye, which has caused some light wrinkling over the cornea.

With this hypotension in both the mares' eyes, the vet reckons it will stabilise and the eye may even recover a little, though the wrinkling will probably remain. He said 'it's nothing to worry about really - well, it's not ideal but it's not the worse thing that could happen and it won't make them blind'.

We had the results back from the second leptospirosis blood test for Crystal and Mascagne and it confirmed that the titer levels are dropping off now, so whatever infection there was happened 'at least several months ago' according to the vet. This means that Crystal won't need any more antibiotics.

Jolie and Belle still look normal so again, keeping fingers crossed that they stay that way.

Am now trying my utmost to prevent future flare ups of this horrid thing. I think I've got just about every complementary therapy/aid available! Crystal and Mascagne still getting Oculotrophin twice a day, I started Crystal on Transfer Factors about 10 days ago and have just put Mascagne on them too. They both have their Guardian masks on, MSM and other supplements in their feed plus they both have to have atropine drops and dexamethasone eye ointment in every day.

I'm going to try and start riding Crystal again during the Christmas holidays. Still have a couple of cards to deliver in the village, which would be a nice short gentle hack to begin with.

So, am keeping my fingers crossed. I must say, this vet has been brilliant about their eyes (let's not talk about the lutine osteopathy incident!) and has been so patient in answering my questions and explaining to me what's going on, why he's doing certain things, what to look out for etc so will take them a box of choccies to the surgery later, I think.

Thanks to you all for your help and support too. A huge virtual box of mega choccies to the DG'ers too.

[circusdancer]

Well that all sounds much more positive doesn't it? I hope it continues and it would be great if there was some recovery too.

Have a good Christmas Wendy! I think you deserve one after all this.

[marianne]

Wendy, I'm so so relieved at the current prognosis ....
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[wendyihts]

It did sound more promising and I'm not quite letting myself believe it (the cosmic ordering people would have something to say about that LOL) I think it might take me a while to relax again after the last 3 months.

But, things have been looking up recently. For the last 3 months, it has been one disaster after another. Recently, it feels like the disasters have become weaker/smaller and there's always been something else coming to the rescue so to speak. Example is the 4x4 - it overheated and broke down. We hoped it was the thermostat that had gone but in fact, it had overheated and the head had cracked. Garage in toulouse wanted 3k (!!!) to fix it. We ordered a new part from the UK but just missed out on the last one. Then, my mum found a place near to her where they had a second hand one in so we shipped it over. Mechanic here has been whinging about it but the garage in the UK that sold it to us has answered all his questions now plus one of our neighbours has lent us his car for over the Christmas period.

Also, the cat decided to take off his own plaster. His leg is fine now (a bit skinnier and weaker than the other one but he's using it fine) so the cat saved me another vet visit there! (good puddy-tat)

And - you'll like this Marianne - Belle has decided it's OK to have her headcollar on again. LOL She must have heard that Auntie Kelly was thinking of visiting. Literally, she was pestering me for two nights to have the headcollar on and is now standing like a statue, even putting her nose in it for me, when I offer to put it on her. Funny beastie.

OK Christmas food shopping here I come.

Have a good one, you dear people.

[neal]

I hope and pray the tide is turning for you all Wendy.

[rosemaryhannah]

I am very relieved to read your last posts, Wendy - I've not posted, but have followed with my heart heavy. Now it is lighter for you. I do hope things are starting to look up.

[gilly]

Really relieved to hear your latest update Wendy. I have my fingers crossed for you
x

[Louise C]

Hope things continue to go well Wendy and you can relax and have a good Christmas and New Year;-)

[stormhorse]

fingers crossed

[Ann NF]

Things are sounding so much more positive, Wendy. Fingers crossed for you here!
Have a lovely Christmas with your family.

[wendyihts]

Thanks everyone. It really helps to be able to 'speak' to people who understand.

Have a lovely Christmas and New Year too!

[gwenoakes]

Wow Wendy, what a roller coater ride you have had. Hopefully with this new prognosis things are looking up and more positive. I will still keep everything firmly crossed here and wish you, your family and your animals a lovely Xmas, followed by a quiet, uneventful and happy New Year. XX

[specialsparkle3]

Have a happy Christmas Wendy, it's a New Year next week-----------I really hope it will be a time of health and happines for you and your horses. xxx