my mother in law(heeelp)

[bassethound]

at the risk of sounding petty!

my mother in law has slowly but surely been annoying me to the point of hate.
i have a 2 year old and she is their first grandchild who they spoil(i understand this) but she has digestive problems and cant eat too much stodgy food. they continue to give her sweets and crisps cakes and biscuits and when she comes home i end up with an ill child.
she goes out of her way to make me feel bad and look stupid. last christmas she asked what i was getting ellie for a present i said i was getting her a rocking horse, so what did she do? bought her two,
then today i was saying how we had just finished her bedroom(dora the explorer) and she is now buying the "proper" dora furniture for a bedroom at her house for ellie(she stays once a fortnight)
i felt so proud getting her bedroom finished i spent a lot of money and it took a long time saving for things and now my mum in law just pops to the shops and buys it all in a oner.
she also did the worst thing ever, she told people that ellie is her daughters baby. i was in shock when i heard but she denied it.
sorry for the rant but im so angry tonight

[esme]

Oh dear BassetHound, not an easy situation! Have you spoken to your OH about all this? Something needs to be said to her, by him, especially about the diet as this really isn't fair to your daughter surely granny doesn't want to cause the poor child upset and illness. The rest of it you might have to just bite your tongue and wait for her to get over it, don't tell her what you are buying just say you haven't decided - maybe even suggest things you know your daughter would like and let her get the expensive stuff! But you must talk with OH and let him know how you feel and how it is upsetting you. Good Luck!

[pip]

Yes, have a good moan about your MIL. I have been living with mine in the adjacent granny flat for 14 years. Put it this way. NO WAY will I live with any of my children should they get married in future. It is amazing how the atmosphere lightens if MIL is out or away on holiday. Enough said.

[misty]

mine told fibs and wanted me to live my life her way - NO WAY. Haven't spoken for over 25 years. Told o.h. and children it was my problem and they were free to contact her but they couldn't cope with her either. Some times people are just not compatible.

[aberlemno]

Gosh, I can sympathise Bassethound, but to be honest, it is your m-in-law that has the problems, and not you. She obviously feels inadequate in some way if she has to try and "buy" her grandchild's affection like that. Perhaps she sees it as "doing things properly" when she goes over the top and throws her money about, perhaps she sees herself as a saint (rolling eyes!) I think you need a word with your OH about her though. I suffered with mine for years - I was only grinding my teeth over her in bed in the middle of last night - and she's been dead two years now . . . I can remember her making nasty personal comments to try and demoralise me, "Oh, your hair's not your best point is it?", and, when I was dancing with my daughters once, "You're surprisingly light on your feet aren't you?", but I still think the worst comment (and I NEVER forgave her for it) was when we took up her grandaughter, just a few weeks old to meet her for the first time. OH was in the kitchen, and she said sweetly to me, "I wonder how many slitty-eyed little Keiths there are out in Singapore?" (OH had been there in his career . . .) Hiss . . .

[LisaM]

OMG sympathy winging its way to you. MIL's from hell me thinks!
Echo Esme to be honest. Don't tell her what you're planning or tell her the expensive bits!! I can't imagine how annoying/upsetting it must be for you, especially with your daughters dietary needs. This is just plain unfair.
I would say to them that she MUST NOT EAT...... and list it for them clearly. If she does then disrespect your wishes I would refuse to send my child there, and I'd hope your OH will back you up.
If you are worried about upsetting her, which I guess you are; I would make a Dr's appointment telling Dr it's to educate MIL, and ask her to come along so she undertsands and feels involved in how serious it is and how ill her g.daughter gets. x

I don't have kids but I hope this helps you. I do however have a MIL ! Luckily she's ok most of the time, just a little demanding on my oh more than me.

[bayhorse]

Good advice above, I do feel sorry for you it must be hell having an interfering MIL like that - I was really lucky, my first was an angel and the second I hardly ever see (although I can see she could be quite interfering if we did see more of her!).

As the others have said I would not tell your MIL what you plan to get your daughter for birthday/christmas or anything else. Also the food issue is an important one and she should not be ignoring your wishes - she seems to think she knows better than you. Your OH should be supporting you and your child and if he isn't then I would not take her round unless she agrees not to give her these forbidden foods.

Good luck you need it with a MIL like that!

[trallwmfarm sanctuary]

its Kyra not lesley, I do feel so sorry for you, my oh has only just started to put his mother in her place, even tho her place should be the other side of the world as far as im concerned! She just cant help herself, she makes digs about my family, me my animals and always insists that running an animal rescue is a 'waste' of time, if people can just do what she does and feed all the district cats then that would be the end of it???>>>>>>>>>>> seriously the woman is a fruit cake, she's happy to admitted that she is a clingy mother the eldest is 31 just moved out of home, and I have the youngest at 23, so im the evil child stealer! She moans about having nothing to do as she devoted her whole life to her children who have all now moved at least 100 miles away from her, get a life, me and the other child stealers (sil's) have all tried to engourage her to have a life but the reply is always but theres nothing else i want to do, im a NATURAL mother! She is always warning my oh about having children young and being 'trapped with me' (not that I want kids I have enough animals thanks) but OH told her recently that I am having tests for PCOS, and now she is moaning because im not going to able to provide proper children for him, the woman needs shooting, some people you can help, some people can be educated, some people like in laws from hell need burying! also sorry to rant, she only left from her visit on sunday and I can still feel the aggression lol. Good luck, really make your oh understand what she is doing to you (men dont like to see what there mothers are really like!) and put your foot down. do you have BIL or Sisters In Law to help out? mine have been really usefull.

[Whisper]

Sounds an awful situation, have you tried speaking to her about it? I personally would approach her because these things never get sorted out unless you take the direct approach.
Dont need to 'accuse' her of anything but tell her your concerns.

[misspriss]

I cannot sympathise enough. I am a member of an outlaw club. Made up of the spouses of my husbands family.

My MIL is a calculating monster.
She was with me recently at a show. There was a pony ride stand with a grumpy man pulling the poor sour looking ponies around and my 2 year old daughter wanted a ride. I said NO. I didn't want to put any money in this mans pocket and she has a perfectly lovely pony at home (spoilt princess) and the helmets are probably infested with lice.

I don't mind if other people want to do this but I choose not to. so spoilt Princess had a tantrum and MIL said oh it wont hurt. I said no. Later my MIL took my daughter to look at the sights and on leaving I said No Pony Rides because I knew MIL wanted to defy me. I thought say it straight out No misunderstandings.

This is the photo I received on my phone while they were gone.

NO HELMET either.

My MIL & daughter came back with my daughter full of yap about the horsey ride and saying Mean Mummy (how cute) and MIL saying I couldn't resist.

This is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

My MIL makes out she is being a doting granny but really she is trying to undermine me. My OH thinks I am over reacting but I wont let MIL have unsupervised access to my daughter anymore.

My fellow outlaws all have their own stories and none of our spouses can see it.

MIL's seem to have a way of saying the most horrible things in a sweet tone. You can almost think you are imagining things.

[dolly]

;DMine is as evil as the last witch that flew over fylde! ;D

[joc]

Mine informed me that she feels she has nothing in common with me. Despite the fact that I'm married to her son and my fantastic two children are her grandchildren. She's on her own and that comment was the final straw in a long line of indifferences on her part. She rarely asks how her 21 year old and 19 year old grandchildren are and wonders why she's not a part of our lives very much. We are her only relatives but she has made no effort in the past and now neither are we. Might sound harsh but there comes a point when enough is enough!

[milo]

well i think im very lucky then , my mil is lovely always ready to help,comes round cleaning and doing my ironing,and always trying to help in anyway she can,she loves doing my garden cause i dont and always used to come round and look after the children for me when they were little so i could go out riding,i really value her support.

[NinaV]

Hi bassethound, poor you and no you're not being petty!! First and foremost, your daughter is just that YOUR daughter, you say what goes and what doesn't (misspriss don't know how you contained yourself!), your MIL has to do as you say for the safety of your own child for a start, you know what makes her ill and therefore you decide what she can and can't eat.

You must get your OH to get involved and back YOU up, it will never go in if it's just you saying things, you must get mummy's little boy onside as well or she'll never listen, it's the only way. Thing is this is the battle really, she's acting the way she is because she thinks she can behave the way she likes as her son will be there to support her - after all they are blood... (she's thinking this not me!)

I'm getting wound up just reading this, I've had no end of problems with my MIL, she is the wicked witch of the west (and east and south and north)! A couple of years ago me and OH were going through it, I kicked him out for a while to sort himself out and she paid for him to go on holiday with her skiing!! He came round the day before they went and told me he was going on a family holiday with her and his sister and all the nephews and nieces but we (me and my kids) weren't invited. My daughter was 2 at the time and within 3 days of them being there my MIL sent my daughter (2 remember) a postcard with the line 'we're having a fantastic time' - hang on I need to lie down I can feel my blood pressure rising...

Needless to say I have kicked OH out permanantly now and have never heard from MIL ever again - even though I'm the mother of her grand-daughter, she's got her son back, he's living with her again lol!

Nip it in the bud before your relationship with her gets that bad!!

[sam maxwell]

lol dolly!