soul searching what to do

[bramblesmum]

Hi all sorry not been about

I have started working full time again and am loving it my little boy has settled well in nursery and Thomas is keeping very well

I had an operation a month ago and haven't been able to do Thomas at all and this leads to the crux of my issue as I haven't missed riding.

I love Thomas dearly but I don't enjoy looking after him or riding I list my confidence when I had time off with the baby and have never managed to fix it and tom picks up on it and gets very tense which makes me worse he loves work though and with a normal rider works really well

My heart has always been in driving but Thomas doesn't have the character for it as he's a typical sharp show cob rather than ploddy type.

I have got to the point I dread going up daily time after work with little boy is an issue and I don't have help on hand to babysit so I only get to work tom at the weekend which then has us in constant circle of nerves.and tension because no regular routine

Tommy would be a fantastic ride for a.teen or competent adult and I don't think he is the horse for me anymore much as I love him as an individual I hate riding him

I ride my friends schoolmaster the other week and had so much more fun and I miss driving

So the question is do I sell or loan him or do I carry on and hope things improve? What would you do?

[clipclop]

Unfortunately that is a question that only you can answer.

Sorry I've missed you not being well - I was without Facebook for a while whilst my phone was being repaired (long story!!). Glad you are recovering well.

By all means give me a call if you want to talk through your thoughts. You know I absolutely adore Tommy but his sensitive nature would make me think that he will sadly never be completely settled in harness following the incident he had and as you know, it's a dangerous game if things go wrong. Do you still have sharers riding him?

Sent from my SM-A300FU using proboards

[portiabuzz]

Sorry you've not been well, sending hugs x

[kafee]

You've admitted that you don't like looking after him or riding him, and that he would be a fantastic ride for a teenager or competent adult, which is very honest. Horses are very expensive and time consuming to keep, and there's no point in keeping one when it's causing you and your family upset and hardship, and you feel he'd be better off with someone else. Finding the right person will take time, but by the sound of things, both of you and Thomas would be happier if with new partners. It's a hard decision to make, but as clipclop says only you can make it.

[zack&buffysmum]

I'm watching this with interest. I had a fall from the saintly Buffy 2 weeks ago. I had 5 days in hospital with a broken collar bone, 3 broken ribs and a collapsed lung. I love looking after her and couldn't love her more if she were a child.
The fall was about 2/3 my fault and 1/3 hers. I suspect I was knocked unconscious when I fell and she stayed with me.
While I'm out of action I've got people at the yard looking after her and she is being ridden 3 or 4 times a week.
One of my lovely helpers posted me some video on Facebook of Buffy being hacked out and cantered and clearly really having fun.
While it was lovely to see - it's also made me wonder if I'm the right owner for her. She is clearly having a whale of a time with teens and young twentys taking her out and thinking of the difference for her having a nervous nelly of 50 taking her out - and probably even more nervous once I'm over this.
It would break my heart to part with her - but I just want whatever is best for her.

[Caroline]

Mar 15, 2016 9:39:23 GMT 1 zack&buffysmum said:

I'm watching this with interest. I had a fall from the saintly Buffy 2 weeks ago. I had 5 days in hospital with a broken collar bone, 3 broken ribs and a collapsed lung. I love looking after her and couldn't love her more if she were a child.
The fall was about 2/3 my fault and 1/3 hers. I suspect I was knocked unconscious when I fell and she stayed with me.
While I'm out of action I've got people at the yard looking after her and she is being ridden 3 or 4 times a week.
One of my lovely helpers posted me some video on Facebook of Buffy being hacked out and cantered and clearly really having fun.
While it was lovely to see - it's also made me wonder if I'm the right owner for her. She is clearly having a whale of a time with teens and young twentys taking her out and thinking of the difference for her having a nervous nelly of 50 taking her out - and probably even more nervous once I'm over this.
It would break my heart to part with her - but I just want whatever is best for her.

There is so much more to having a horse than riding. Even if it is true that the teens and twentys can give her more ridden fun, they probably aren't in a position to commit to her care long term and into old age. You can do that for her and that is so much more important for her than a few quick blasts of canter.

I think it is very natural to lose confidence after a fall and feel that others can ride your horse better than you can. But your confidence may well return. I think it normally does if you build things back up again slowly and get any support or help you need.

There's no need to break your heart and sell her. You could have sharer riders ride her for you whilst you are recovering and for as long as feels right - whether you start riding her again or not. But what matters most is you being there for her when she is too old or physically unable to be ridden. That's when horses are in danger. The only way to be sure of her safety and well being in old age is to work through things and keep her.

[cookie]

I don't mean to offend but I do think I have been guilty in the past of believing that I was the best or the other possible owner for an animal. There are other good people out there, responsible people. And there are circumstances when they are better owners than I.
Caroline is right to consider the vulnerability in old age or beyond working life, it is this which puts horses more at risk than other pets. but, loan agreements are possible, as long as you are sure you can still be that long term security. sharers have worked well for me, hard to find but gave my horse variety and education that I couldn't.
I have no intention of ever selling my boy, an old injury puts him particularly at risk. But I don't believe there is only one possible owner for any animal.

[bramblesmum]

I just wanted to pop in and update you all tommy has been on loan to one of his old sharers now for two months and is doing fantastically he has come third in his first dressage comps and got first to third placings in a number of local shows he also has been entered to equifest so please wish him luck.

I am loving this situation I am proud mum in the background and he has his northern Mummy who is spoiling him rotten and they love each other so glad we went ahead as he is achieving so much more than he would with me but he will always have a home here should he need it

In the meantime I can ride a friends horse but haven't as yet as not had the pull too since loosing my first horse bramble in 2012 my heart hasn't been fully in it so I think time off is a good thing for now

Thank you all for your support

[wills]

Glad to hear he is doing well. Keep us updated on all his adventures