Post by siiineaad on Apr 30, 2014 0:57:09 GMT 1
Ive been working with kellys 'perfect confidence' must say its really helped, but theres a barrier, i used to push my confidence issues away and avoid going head to head but now it effects me everywhere i go, whether its daily life,horses,being with friends,its all the same!
Basically i cant do anything with anyone watching,i know im not alone, but it can be writing to walking,riding,whatever and its starting to make me look stupid, i stopped lessons just because people my age would come watch us jump so i started saying ive back pains and wouldnt do it, but i have no problem clearing 1m courses on my own, same in my daily life, if my friends ask me to go over town and if its a certain time, the time i know the groups will be out, not any group, my group of bestfriends, i wont go out, i can do things when people arent directly focused on me, like today i read out alot in class without refusing and i was proud (probably because i was at the front and didnt see all the eyes on me) but i dont know where to go with these issues, i even have been at a racing yard every weekend, i was told i could compete the trainers mare as she (trainer) is pregnant and i thought 'thats great i can finally let out what ive learned over 7 years' then it hit me.compete..people..crowds and i havent budged towards them since then, i dont even compete, i always say i dont want to but it hit me that id love to compete but the one time i did i got so intimated i forgot the course, its also more serious with people my age, people i feel like will judge me and people who i know what they think like..god i wish i could remember that people generally dont really care and my mind makes it into a monster! anyone else with this kind of issue and anyone know how to somehow cope with it?
Basically i cant do anything with anyone watching,i know im not alone, but it can be writing to walking,riding,whatever and its starting to make me look stupid, i stopped lessons just because people my age would come watch us jump so i started saying ive back pains and wouldnt do it, but i have no problem clearing 1m courses on my own, same in my daily life, if my friends ask me to go over town and if its a certain time, the time i know the groups will be out, not any group, my group of bestfriends, i wont go out, i can do things when people arent directly focused on me, like today i read out alot in class without refusing and i was proud (probably because i was at the front and didnt see all the eyes on me) but i dont know where to go with these issues, i even have been at a racing yard every weekend, i was told i could compete the trainers mare as she (trainer) is pregnant and i thought 'thats great i can finally let out what ive learned over 7 years' then it hit me.compete..people..crowds and i havent budged towards them since then, i dont even compete, i always say i dont want to but it hit me that id love to compete but the one time i did i got so intimated i forgot the course, its also more serious with people my age, people i feel like will judge me and people who i know what they think like..god i wish i could remember that people generally dont really care and my mind makes it into a monster! anyone else with this kind of issue and anyone know how to somehow cope with it?
xx 