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Post by rosemaryhannah on Dec 27, 2013 19:27:54 GMT 1
Oh dear, taklishim, I am sorry it is so bad for you. Sometimes it is like this, but not always. I work a lot with the elderly and see the disease taking many people in many different ways. The new medications are excellent at holding it at bay for years, and if one can persuade somebody to see a Dr and take the meds, it can be a great thing. It is not as it was years ago when there was nothing to be done at all that helped.
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pip
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Post by pip on Dec 27, 2013 21:44:37 GMT 1
Yes, I agree about the Power of Attorney. We have had one in place for years for my MIL, which hasn't been needed yet, but she was very happy to discuss it and arrange it when her will was last done. Luckily the idea of reviewing wills every so often is openly talked about in the family, I know it isn't so easy with some people.
There is a relation whose MIP had a sudden stroke and the fact that she hasn't a Power of Attorney has been a real headache for the family, and I suspect, a big expense.
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Post by taklishim on Dec 27, 2013 22:56:01 GMT 1
There is a relation whose MIP had a sudden stroke and the fact that she hasn't a Power of Attorney has been a real headache for the family, and I suspect, a big expense. yes, my mum will have to pay her own care home fees when that finally becomes necessary but I am not sure what is going to happen when we get to that stage and she is incapable of signing the DD through mental health or stroke problems and the care home owner asks me how I would like to pay 30K or so a year. Apparently I will have to go to the court of protection. Nightmare scenario that could have been so easily avoided. Thanks RH. unfortunately in her mind she is completely sane so why would she need medication? At this rate I will be the one needing it.
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Post by portiabuzz on Dec 28, 2013 11:31:29 GMT 1
Sorry to hear about this taklishim
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2013 18:57:11 GMT 1
taklishim huge [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] next to yours my mother sounds perfectly normal! Your post could almost describe my grandmother (mums mum) we had all of this with her, and eventually she did go into a specialist nursing home, only because the drs said it was too dangerous for the family to have her at home, she tried to set fire to her bed three times as she was cold.......and she did need 24 hour supervison and care, the staff at the home were kindness itself to her, and they went along with everything she told them, they really did have the patience of saints!
I am lucky really in that one brother is a social worker and so is his partner and their areas of expertise are with elderly people, so they really are on the ball and any decisions that have to be made are going to be family ones, but with mums best interests always a priority.................. I do already have power of attorney for her affairs as I do all her banking and bill paying etc but I always make sure she knows exactly what the state of play is with all her affairs...........it makes life so much easier being able to deal with all her day to day stuff......might do as you suggest and put the whole ball in the drs court, and he can see and act as he sees fit...........that way at least she is still speaking to me
One thing Taklishim try not to go through the court of protection as they have a very nasty habit of taking all aspects of care away from the family and not letting the family ever have a say in any decisions, brother has had quite a few run ins with them on a professsional basis, they moved one elderly gentleman from a very small quiet private home to a huge modern place and would not even tell his family where he was as 'it was no longer any of their business' took them months to get the information
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Post by taklishim on Dec 28, 2013 21:14:14 GMT 1
taklishim huge [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] next to yours my mother sounds perfectly normal! Your post could almost describe my grandmother (mums mum) we had all of this with her, and eventually she did go into a specialist nursing home, only because the drs said it was too dangerous for the family to have her at home, she tried to set fire to her bed three times as she was cold.......and she did need 24 hour supervison and care, the staff at the home were kindness itself to her, and they went along with everything she told them, they really did have the patience of saints! I am lucky really in that one brother is a social worker and so is his partner and their areas of expertise are with elderly people, so they really are on the ball and any decisions that have to be made are going to be family ones, but with mums best interests always a priority.................. I do already have power of attorney for her affairs as I do all her banking and bill paying etc but I always make sure she knows exactly what the state of play is with all her affairs...........it makes life so much easier being able to deal with all her day to day stuff......might do as you suggest and put the whole ball in the drs court, and he can see and act as he sees fit...........that way at least she is still speaking to me One thing Taklishim try not to go through the court of protection as they have a very nasty habit of taking all aspects of care away from the family and not letting the family ever have a say in any decisions, brother has had quite a few run ins with them on a professsional basis, they moved one elderly gentleman from a very small quiet private home to a huge modern place and would not even tell his family where he was as 'it was no longer any of their business' took them months to get the information thank you Christine. I hope you don't end up in our situation, you are lucky to have family to share it with. I am an only child with no family so that doesn't help much. I am trying to find the answer to a question and wonder, if your brother is a social worker, if you might know the answer. At some stage my mother will go from being classed as having the mental capacity to manage her own affairs to effectively not being able to and someone, hopefully me but possibly the authorities will take over her affairs. Do you know if at that stage someone gives me a "certificate/letter" to that effect or something as evidence so I can go somewhere (no idea where) with evidence that she no longer has mental capacity? It may seem a stupid question but I am struggling to see a "cut off" point from which she is judged capable of living in her own home or wherever else she chooses and doing precisely as she wishes and lacking capacity and therefore requiring someone to take over. I probably havent put that very well but I am not doing too well with trying to see the way forward into the future. If you don't go through the court of protection, and I am not sure how else I would fund a nursing home as I don't have that sort of money, do you have any idea what you do? really sorry for stealing your thread, hope you don't mind, but I am getting a bit stuck with all this.
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Post by jen1 on Dec 28, 2013 23:52:06 GMT 1
Going through the same thing myself with my mum, id keep a record now, I filmed my mum when ever possible, showed it to her gp , who was fantastic when I eventually got through the red tape of actually getting to see her alone, she explained to me that they dont need to know or have such a big issue put on them, to simply make an appointment for your self to speak to the doctor, then let the doctor find the words, then let your mum come to you, you cant afford to alienate your self atm, my mum is pretty bad tbh, n even after brain scans it was inconclusive with not enough deterioration for a diagnosis , basically the doctor orchestrated who my mum needed to see and I took her, and if your mum is of a certain generation where gp, s, are god there wont be much of a fight, my mum thinjs she is just forgetful, but its way beyond that, stress is a huge trigger, my mums trigger was fleas on a dog she tried to rescue , found she couldnt cope, the guilt caused stress , its a huge chain reaction or has been for her, she is only 70 , cantankerous as fcuk , because im now having to do a bit of micro managing , things that are being missed or not seen by her care support team , while super ladies ive met both , cant see everything in an hour or 2 their there, id say dont tell your mum , she wont like it, she could end up clamping up , and seek the help of the doctor if she dunt know its you thats instigated the ball rolling she and you are better off in the long run , mums gp said things along the lines of, ive noticed, and she thinks some tests or ive organised this that n the other , my mum nevet argued, I think its a pretty standard thing for bloods to be done at the surgery ,plus urine, and even if there clear , they recommend that a hospital visit might be wise , its possibly then the ball will roll. If you want a chat ?.
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Post by jen1 on Dec 28, 2013 23:57:31 GMT 1
Also to add, that things back in October were being made worse , by border line diabetic that were only revealed after bloods were taken
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 0:06:44 GMT 1
Jen mum has developed diabetes, type 2 controlled by meds, plus she has failing hearing and eyesight and jsut found out she also has carpal tunnel syndrome as well shes 80 now and a retired psych nurse and tutor so thats a minefield in itself,
Taklishim will sk brother what steps you can take to safeguard your mums estate and mange her affairs its very unlikely you would have to foot the bill for her if she has to go into a nursing home, the bill is normally paid from the sale of property is your mums house unless of course its your home as well..........in which case it will be met by the DWP or local authority but they only pay so much of the fee but will get a proper answer for you in the next couple of days
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Post by taklishim on Dec 29, 2013 11:23:30 GMT 1
Jen mum has developed diabetes, type 2 controlled by meds, plus she has failing hearing and eyesight and jsut found out she also has carpal tunnel syndrome as well shes 80 now and a retired psych nurse and tutor so thats a minefield in itself, Taklishim will sk brother what steps you can take to safeguard your mums estate and mange her affairs its very unlikely you would have to foot the bill for her if she has to go into a nursing home, the bill is normally paid from the sale of property is your mums house unless of course its your home as well..........in which case it will be met by the DWP or local authority but they only pay so much of the fee but will get a proper answer for you in the next couple of days thank you so much Christine. No it is not my house as well, unfortunately I live 350 miles away from this chaos. Mine is also very deaf and has glaucoma. The deafness restricts conversation. One thing I learnt is that they take whatever they cannot hear correctly and make it up to suit themselves. For example my OH was talking to her on the phone and in answer to a question about his mother's 90th said she would not be having a party. He said that his family had always hated parties. My mother couldn't hear properly and made it up. Now I have a major issue as she belives my OH and his family have always hated her. ;)Nothing will persuade her she simply misheard. Once she mishears then all reason is gone, there is no going back, she convinces herself the world is against her and no amount of reasoning or apologising helps. Their view of the world seems to become very distorted. I thought she would treat the hip consultant as a God but she totally rubbished him saying she didn't trust him at all. He was in fact a lovely man, he did a brilliant job with the operation and the service she was given in hospital was totally wonderful.
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Post by Liz on Dec 29, 2013 11:40:22 GMT 1
Oh dear, poor you, Christine. I've been through all this with my old Mum. She lived in a fair sized house about 60 miles away from me. There were 20 steps up to the house which was situated at the top of a hill and my parents bought it in 1966 for the stupendous views. It was patentlyobvious that my Mum could no longer cope with a large house and garden. Neither my sister nor myself could persuade her to move. However, I persuaded her to visit the doctor due to general health problems and he had been primed about our concerns about her mental health. The test for dementia was positive in that our suspicions were confrimed. Her doctor suggested that she would be soon trapped in her house and would not be able to get out at all and she then agreed to sell to move close to me. She was worried about leaving her friends but agreed that she rarely saw anyone now - lots of them had died The house eventually sold and I bought a retirement flat about 3 miles away from me in a beautiful little development in the centre of town- she was a real townie Her condition worsened and she was prescrbed Aricept whic h helped for some time - sadly, it would have helped more if prescribed earlier. I was her carer for nearly 3 years and then, whilst I was away on a break she was staying in a care home and she had 3 falls. I will not go into details but the care home could have done more. When I collected her I had to take her straight to A&E and she was admitted straight away. The doctor reported the care home. She was in hospital for 6 weeks duing which time Social Services told me I could not look after her by myself any longer. Itb was hard to accept but they were quite right. I had to find a nursing home and with the help of my sister found a lovely small place where she stayed, happily, for the next 2 years until she died 2 years ago this month. Fortunately, before dementia set in too severely my sister, her OH and myself gained PoA and registered with the court of protection so any of us could look after her financial affairs. It is lucky she had a tidy amount of savings as it took 2 years to sell her flat! It was a very, very stressful 6 years in all and old people definitely need a family member on side to get help for them. I had a bit of a battle with various people to get the appropriate phsychiatric help - her notes were lost between offices TWICE! If left to her own devices she would have slipped through the system. Scary! It is very tough to help an old person through the hell of dementia and it is scary at times. I wish you the very best, Christine, and hope 2014 will not be so very stressful for you. The Altzheimer's website has useful information and a DG to discuss problems. You may pick up useful info there. Hugs and good wishes, xx
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Post by portiabuzz on Dec 30, 2013 10:12:40 GMT 1
for everyone, am sure have got it all to come with my nana Let's hope 2014 will be a good one for you all xxxx
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 11:49:48 GMT 1
Well the subject came up in conversation yesterday. Mum was talking about one of her friends who has just taken the tests as she was becoming forgetful and she was also worried in case she was losing her faculties.......she passed them all with flying colours I hasten to add, anyway mum and me were talking this over when I very casusally suggested she might take the test as well........never mentioned forgetting things at all........mum thought it over for quite few minutes and I was preparing for a royal telling off for being so horrible as to suggest it, when she stunned me and said 'well theres no harm in it is there, I'll phone the drs on Thursday and arrange for the tests to be done, that way everyone knows the state of play' have offered to go with her, and we can make a day of it by going shopping afterwards if she feels up to it...........all I can say is a huge thanks you to mums best friend Betty for telling her what she had been up to saved me an awful amount of heart searching and trouble!
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Post by happysnail on Dec 30, 2013 12:48:58 GMT 1
Oh Christine, I'm so pleased your mum has been empowered by her friend. It's something you an at least deal with openly as a family now. Thinking of you, xxx
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Post by Liz on Dec 30, 2013 13:11:45 GMT 1
Christine, that is just great I'm so pleased that things are now in the open as it lessens the stress HUGELY. God bless Betty!
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