Post by annoymouse on Nov 13, 2013 21:56:38 GMT 1
Sorry its long, I am just so frustrated and depressed at the moment. I'm 30 and I still live at home with my parents. I only earn £140 a week working for my Dad,(I gave up a better paid job to go and help him when he got cancer) and set up a little business of my own to keep my interest while I am stuck there.
My parents haven't got on as long as I remember and remember massive rows that we had to sit listening to, the number of times they said they were getting divorced and then didn't, Christmas's when they had a row and my Dad ended up leaving us for Xmas day and going off, thousands of examples from when I was little, right up to now. I got depression when I was young and had lots of problems, self harming, wanting to kill myself, going in to myself and not having friends.
I went to uni as they wanted me to, I hated it, told them and was sat down by them for over two hours being screamed at so had no choice but to go back which made me so depressed. Then a 'friend' sent me a text threatening to rape me and then it just went from bad to worse. I felt sick just at the thought if going to uni in case him and his friend were waiting for me and I stopped turning up. I darn't tell my family I wasn't going as they would go mental and I just went walking round the town till my lectures were over and then went home. This is where my spending habits got out of control and I raked up debts on credit cards as buying things made me feel better. Then they eventually found out I wasn't going and I left home as they went crazy. Stayed with a family member and had to endure being shouted at and being told how I had ruined everything and how it was affecting them and how embarassing it all was and how where the going to face people after what I'd done etc. It still gets brought up now ten years later when I'm getting shouted at about some random thing. Its like I'm this family embarasment.
I still have about £3400 worth of debit from my spending on cards at uni.
My Mum will go mental for no reason and will make your life a living nightmare just because she gets something into her head, even when its not true. I honestly think she is mentally ill. She has to know everything about where you are, what you are doing. I stopped going out as I'd get comments about what I was wearing saying I was too fat for certain things, or looked slutty. I've got no confidence and I eat crap all the time comfort eating. I hate the way I look and that I am overweight. Once I rang her saying I was going out with work colleges after work, she didn't believe me so kept ringing me, and then found my bosses number in the phone book and rang my boss at 9 at night asking where I was!! After all the crap I get and things like that I just dont go out anymore, and hardly have any friends. I feel totally pathetic and my life is just wasting away. I feel controlled. But if I say any of this its all in my head and she is always in the right.
Things weren't going to badly for a while but recently things are as bad as ever. I work mondays-fridays for my dad during the day and at night I work on his or my website. At the weekends I just work on the computer on the sites all weekend. I have no life. But I get told I'm lazy, if I dont want to do something she wants to do I get it in the neck. She is supposed to go shopping for the family as we all work. She stopped shopping for 3 weeks so there was never any food in the house. I was getting really frustrated coming home every day to no food and having to go back out to buy food with my own money when I pay board toward the food. I asked her when she was going to go shopping again as there had been nothing in for weeks. That was it, she went nuts. She wasn't put on this earth to cook and shop for us. (No one asks her to cook anything for them, I'm happy to cook for myself). She said I am pathetic as I am 30 and can only cook spagetti boglanase (For some reason its wrong to like spag bol and can cook whatever I want). She then told me she know I had been slagging her off behind her back to my Dad and I'm disgusting. I haven't said anything to my Dad. So as she wouldn't speak to me unless she was making things up about me slagging her off I just live in my bedroom. Me and my had booked a few days in London for her as she had said she had always wanted to see the museums etc. It cost us £360 for us three to go which we had to save up for. She said she wasn't going and we had only booked it for us and it was nothing to do with her, we just wanted to go. So she said she wasn't coming. So we lost £120 between us as we couldn't get any money back.
Me and my sister went as we didn't want to loose all the money, had a crap time as we didn't want to be there and came back today. She picked us up from the train station and as soon as we got in the car started going mad. We had put her out with her having to come and collect us (she offered), we booked it for ourselves so we didn't get her anything for her birthday and she will never forget what we have done to her (?!?!?). She then said to my sister it wasn't really her fault, it was all mine as I'd started all this and made sure she didn't come with us, had been slagging her off and it was all me being a total bitch. I am just absolutely sick and tired now, I just want to all to end. I'm sick of being blamed for things I haven't even done and are all in her head. She doesn't listen to a word I say and is always right so talking to her isn't an option. I'm just tired of surviving this life, its just a constant battle. If I'm ever happy it doesn't last longer then a few days as something else happens and its back to the crap. I haven't done anything that shes accusing me of but I'm the vilan whos being evil to her. I just can't win. I left a better paying job to go work for my Dad when he got cancer about 3 years ago. £140 a week is not enough for me to escape to my own place. I just dont know what to do. I know I'm going to end up back on prozac at this rate and I just can't handle this life anymore. I'm not saying I am going to kill myself, I dont have the guts for that. I've just had enough. Nothing will change here, its been 30 years of this and suspending having a life because of my family.
I want to get away, but with no money I am stuck. I've been looking to see if I qualify for housing benefits. I've never claimed anything in my life but just had to see if this was a way out. I apparantly dont qualify as I am under 35 and single and currently live with family. I need to be in rented accomodation already (which I can't afford) and says I would only qualify for room rented in a house or a bedsit.
I'm going now coz I've bored you all to death but I just had to write this down, see if it made me feel better. Feel so trapped. Thanks to anyone whos read this far, I do appreciate it
My parents haven't got on as long as I remember and remember massive rows that we had to sit listening to, the number of times they said they were getting divorced and then didn't, Christmas's when they had a row and my Dad ended up leaving us for Xmas day and going off, thousands of examples from when I was little, right up to now. I got depression when I was young and had lots of problems, self harming, wanting to kill myself, going in to myself and not having friends.
I went to uni as they wanted me to, I hated it, told them and was sat down by them for over two hours being screamed at so had no choice but to go back which made me so depressed. Then a 'friend' sent me a text threatening to rape me and then it just went from bad to worse. I felt sick just at the thought if going to uni in case him and his friend were waiting for me and I stopped turning up. I darn't tell my family I wasn't going as they would go mental and I just went walking round the town till my lectures were over and then went home. This is where my spending habits got out of control and I raked up debts on credit cards as buying things made me feel better. Then they eventually found out I wasn't going and I left home as they went crazy. Stayed with a family member and had to endure being shouted at and being told how I had ruined everything and how it was affecting them and how embarassing it all was and how where the going to face people after what I'd done etc. It still gets brought up now ten years later when I'm getting shouted at about some random thing. Its like I'm this family embarasment.
I still have about £3400 worth of debit from my spending on cards at uni.
My Mum will go mental for no reason and will make your life a living nightmare just because she gets something into her head, even when its not true. I honestly think she is mentally ill. She has to know everything about where you are, what you are doing. I stopped going out as I'd get comments about what I was wearing saying I was too fat for certain things, or looked slutty. I've got no confidence and I eat crap all the time comfort eating. I hate the way I look and that I am overweight. Once I rang her saying I was going out with work colleges after work, she didn't believe me so kept ringing me, and then found my bosses number in the phone book and rang my boss at 9 at night asking where I was!! After all the crap I get and things like that I just dont go out anymore, and hardly have any friends. I feel totally pathetic and my life is just wasting away. I feel controlled. But if I say any of this its all in my head and she is always in the right.
Things weren't going to badly for a while but recently things are as bad as ever. I work mondays-fridays for my dad during the day and at night I work on his or my website. At the weekends I just work on the computer on the sites all weekend. I have no life. But I get told I'm lazy, if I dont want to do something she wants to do I get it in the neck. She is supposed to go shopping for the family as we all work. She stopped shopping for 3 weeks so there was never any food in the house. I was getting really frustrated coming home every day to no food and having to go back out to buy food with my own money when I pay board toward the food. I asked her when she was going to go shopping again as there had been nothing in for weeks. That was it, she went nuts. She wasn't put on this earth to cook and shop for us. (No one asks her to cook anything for them, I'm happy to cook for myself). She said I am pathetic as I am 30 and can only cook spagetti boglanase (For some reason its wrong to like spag bol and can cook whatever I want). She then told me she know I had been slagging her off behind her back to my Dad and I'm disgusting. I haven't said anything to my Dad. So as she wouldn't speak to me unless she was making things up about me slagging her off I just live in my bedroom. Me and my had booked a few days in London for her as she had said she had always wanted to see the museums etc. It cost us £360 for us three to go which we had to save up for. She said she wasn't going and we had only booked it for us and it was nothing to do with her, we just wanted to go. So she said she wasn't coming. So we lost £120 between us as we couldn't get any money back.
Me and my sister went as we didn't want to loose all the money, had a crap time as we didn't want to be there and came back today. She picked us up from the train station and as soon as we got in the car started going mad. We had put her out with her having to come and collect us (she offered), we booked it for ourselves so we didn't get her anything for her birthday and she will never forget what we have done to her (?!?!?). She then said to my sister it wasn't really her fault, it was all mine as I'd started all this and made sure she didn't come with us, had been slagging her off and it was all me being a total bitch. I am just absolutely sick and tired now, I just want to all to end. I'm sick of being blamed for things I haven't even done and are all in her head. She doesn't listen to a word I say and is always right so talking to her isn't an option. I'm just tired of surviving this life, its just a constant battle. If I'm ever happy it doesn't last longer then a few days as something else happens and its back to the crap. I haven't done anything that shes accusing me of but I'm the vilan whos being evil to her. I just can't win. I left a better paying job to go work for my Dad when he got cancer about 3 years ago. £140 a week is not enough for me to escape to my own place. I just dont know what to do. I know I'm going to end up back on prozac at this rate and I just can't handle this life anymore. I'm not saying I am going to kill myself, I dont have the guts for that. I've just had enough. Nothing will change here, its been 30 years of this and suspending having a life because of my family.
I want to get away, but with no money I am stuck. I've been looking to see if I qualify for housing benefits. I've never claimed anything in my life but just had to see if this was a way out. I apparantly dont qualify as I am under 35 and single and currently live with family. I need to be in rented accomodation already (which I can't afford) and says I would only qualify for room rented in a house or a bedsit.
I'm going now coz I've bored you all to death but I just had to write this down, see if it made me feel better. Feel so trapped. Thanks to anyone whos read this far, I do appreciate it