Confidence issue

[charliechuckles]

Hi everyone,

I have owned my horse (who is my first horse) for 11 years. I have kept him at a DIY yard with little or no help for 10 years.

I wouldn’t say that he’s bombproof – he has always been a bit silly – (he’s a chunky cob and people think that he is a gentle ploddy giant) but he’s not! – not the ploddy bit anyway. But I used to have so much confidence on him. Would ride him anywhere – alone or in company. But I have recently lost my confidence. Until recently he was kept at a DIY place and his only companions were mares. (2 of them) he was acting really riggy and I found him a nightmare to ride, he would buck and squeal and just be a real handful and generally be desperate to get back to the others. I didn’t have a ménage to ride in so my only options to ride him were at the weekends. – hacking. But every time I had a bad ride It knocked me even more……. (& there was nobody to ride with so we were always on our own)

I have recently moved him to a place where he is kept pretty much on full livery. The setup is much better for him. He has company – goes out with others – and seems happy. There is an indoor ménage and I have agreed that I muck him out on the weekends. But I can’t help feeling lost. I’ve done everything for him for 10 years and now I don’t even need to go down there if I don’t want to. I guess I’m asking for some advice as to how I gain my confidence back. With the others at the yard he is as good as gold – walks in and out of the field – no problem, with me he pulls me around and tries to take off. he’s spooky in the school and although I hate to admit it – I’m scared of him.

I have arranged to have lessons one day a week and I am not planning to hack him out until I feel more confident, but I would love some tips as to what I can do with him to make me feel more confident again…….. at the moment, if I don’t ride him (cos I’m nervous) I go down, poo pick his stable, give him a groom and an apple and go home – but I can’t help feeling a bit redundant!

Sorry for the long message, and thanks for reading.

Hope you can help!

[sophieandmaisie]

I've been there and done it!!
I used to hack out alone on one of my mares, I was so confident I would do it on buckle end whilst on the phone (I was 18 at the time, and clearly had no idea of safety!!), but Maisie was a saint! She was taken to the local agri college to be kept on the equine yard on schooling/riding livery, which was fine until she needed a new saddle and she was bucking in canter and generally being naughty from being in pain. She came home (AKA was expelled lol) and I carried on riding her as normal, but she steadily got worse and worse so we had the physio out who said she was sore etc and said just to hack. I hadn't hacked for a long time by this point and was a bit nervous. The next two hacks were interesting, shall we say!! Firstly, our first time out, as we left the gate, a moped or something went whizzing past the end of our lane, causing her to spook and canter 100m down the lane (however, this proved she can canter without bucking when she wants too!!) but we got into walk and carried on with our hack which was lovely! Second time, we went out with two other horses and two very chatty people (to keep my mind of being nervous!), and they pushed me to go to the first corner, I wanted to wimp out before then!. On our way back, a car came behind us and a landy came from in front. Our lane is wide enough for one car at a time, and she just panicked, and trotted off down the lane. Both times I can say she was just being a horse bless her, but it really knocked my confidence. Then I had a ISH on loan called Lady. She bucked into canter, was terrified of her own shadow, and never spooked, but ran across the arena at full speed instead! I had a few falls, but got back on. At one point I was too scared to get on her, I literally shook! But I had to make myself get on and do it. At the time, it was Easter holidays so I was off uni for three weeks, so I asked my instructor for as many lessons as possible, which I had and eventually I gained some confidence back, but I was always waiting for something to happen. Due to other reasons, she had to go back to her owner, so I now have Bonita, a 16.1 Luso x (bare in mind, Lady was a tiny 15.1!) I've had her around 3/4 months and she has taught me a lot! I have to trust that she is a horse, and isn't trying to kill me at every opportunity. I fell off at my first ever competition with her, the first time I rode after she arrived she bucked and reared (I subsequently wanted to sell her!!) and she gets strong and doesn't pay attention all of the time, but I know this horse will be my horse of a lifetime!
Sorry for the mile long story, but if you think your horse is worth it, which it sounds like you do as your willing to spend time working on your bond and how to tackle your confidence issues, then I would say stick with it!! Even if you spend hours grooming him, its still good I would suggest that he pulls you around because he doesn't feel like you are in charge, so (if you haven't already) I would read the Kelly Marks books
I currently work full time shifts, so I can go days without seeing my two girls, I know how redundant it can feel! But nothing makes me happier than just giving them a scratch and knowing they are loving it!
I guess I'm trying to say, do as much as you feel you can, but push yourself at times too! Only you know how to get your confidence back
Good luck

(sorry its a long one!)