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Post by jacksmum on Feb 27, 2012 17:49:31 GMT 1
Am beginning to think that maybe this is the best way to conquer the old nerves. What does anyone else think.
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jinglejoys
Grand Prix Poster
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 3,503
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Post by jinglejoys on Feb 27, 2012 19:25:16 GMT 1
Thats what I was told.....and why I never rode again for 40yrs
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Post by treacletart on Feb 29, 2012 15:47:29 GMT 1
Feeling the fear really helped me with a lot of issues, not just riding. Once I feel the fear, (which I class as apprehension/caution/terror/denial), the underlying issue is easy to deal with and each time I feel it, the situation is easier to address. So yes, I would recommend you conquer old nerves this way. and enjoy the journey.
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Post by fth on Feb 29, 2012 23:13:28 GMT 1
well it depends -- if you feel the fear an dpush yourself through it ignoring the fear -- then it will most likely get worse and worse
if you ACKNOWLEDGE the fear, and negotiater with it about HOW you can do what you want -- then this CAN work
so like many things it depends exactly HOW you do it
Cathy
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Post by bevnfurryfriends on Mar 1, 2012 3:00:43 GMT 1
There have been so many times when I've gone through everything in my head before riding and telling myself 'right, I CAN do this, I CAN do this'. I go on my hack, everything going well, tell myself 'See I CAN do it, it's great' and then my pony stops and stares at something and terror strikes and I go to pieces and can't get off fast enough. Then spend the next few weeks being so annoyed with myself for giving in yet again!
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Post by fth on Mar 1, 2012 15:51:19 GMT 1
nothing wrong with getting off -- bevnfurryfriends -- try to see things more as "keeping yourself safe" rather than "giving in" -- its not a question of fighting the fear, or winning over it - or giving in to it or losing to it -- its more a question of talking to the fear, appreciating its just trying to keep you safe - -and working WITH it -- so when you feel the fear, say out loud "ok, I admit it, I am frightened -- now, what do I ahve to do for that fear to reduce?" the oment you take your fear seriously, is the moment it will start working WITH you rather than against you!
Cathy ps feel free to pm or email me if you want to do into more detail
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Post by Sophie and James on Mar 1, 2012 20:48:45 GMT 1
I agree with fth - you do have to feel the fear. We tend to run away from fear in our heads because we're so frightened of it. You need to first ask yourself what does fear feel like for me? Is it a bubbling sensation in my tummy or a tightness in my chest? Just observe what happens to your body and try not to run away in your head. You're not ignoring it - just noticing it's there. Eventually you can start to allow it to be there a bit more. And eventually it can start to dissolve. Dissolving your fear is not the same and conquering it or fighting it or running away from it or ignoring it. Just allow that it's a part of you and it's allowed to be there and try and be kind to yourself when you feel it.
Good Luck
Sophie
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Post by fth on Mar 2, 2012 11:26:25 GMT 1
like the image of dissolving the fear!! think of a glass of water -- nothing special, add two alka seltzer - horrible by themselves -- dissolve the tablets in the water and you have something that make syou feel better!
hmmmm
Cathy
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Post by iceberg on Mar 3, 2012 13:37:09 GMT 1
There have been so many times when I've gone through everything in my head before riding and telling myself 'right, I CAN do this, I CAN do this'. I go on my hack, everything going well, tell myself 'See I CAN do it, it's great' and then my pony stops and stares at something and terror strikes and I go to pieces and can't get off fast enough. Then spend the next few weeks being so annoyed with myself for giving in yet again! I could have written this - and its got worse and worse - happens in the school now - I really dont know the way forwards from it. Im having a lesson next week - my second with a new instructor - but I am seriously thinking if things dont improve ( me I mean) then it may well be time to call it a day. I just have no idea where this paralysing fear comes from!
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Post by barbararob on Mar 4, 2012 20:57:44 GMT 1
I generally assocaite fear with lack of control, I think maybe we have developed to be so in control of many elements in our lives that intense fear (that stops us trying and stops us having fun) is the moment we realise we are NOT in control......but as long as you stay safe you don't have to be in control 100%. Do you remember the rush when you were sledging and you realised you had no control? Maybe that need for control comes as we get older and think thats where our responsibilities lie.
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Post by 2 bays & a grey:D on Mar 5, 2012 16:48:46 GMT 1
I feel fear because I worry about falling off & hurting myself. If others feel this is why they feel the fear then put things in place. I have an air two jacket & a balance strap. When I first started riding Nancy again just having these two things helped me in my head, as I know that if she did anything I could grap the strap and the air two would protect me. I'm not a naturally fearful rider and it took many many times of being bolted with and thrown off for my confidence to eventually have been smashed. These two things did help. Other things you can try is having a lesson on the lunge, and if you don't feel confident going faster than walk then don't! Take somebody out with you on a hack, a ground person helps the horse to. I have found in hand schooling invaluable to my confidence because it has helped grow a bond between me & Nancy. I have ridden her in the indoor without any major incidents, although there have been a couple, a rearing & leaping and a run and spin, but she can't really go anywhere! I am dreading my first time in the outdoor, but, each step at a time...
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Post by bevnfurryfriends on Mar 7, 2012 2:00:12 GMT 1
Thank you so much Cathy, it's so kind of you to offer to help me and thank you too Sophie for your comments. I've had a chat with an IHRA who has helped me and advised me to breathe deeply or try and yawn or sigh when I am scared - I know I've often been told in the past to 'breathe' whilst having a lesson! I think I hold my breath. I think for me the way forward is to do as much ground work as possible, I want to have lessons to lead and long rein and then hopefully I will be more confident in the saddle. I get tense when the horse tenses - my racing heart tells me if the horse is scared it is liable to do anything and I feel out of control. I did have the most fantastic pony in the world for a while who I felt so safe on even though she did get a bit silly sometimes and would prance about and spook I never felt unsafe on her and I think it was because she never tensed up. She sadly passed on last October and although I have another pony who is very good I get scared on her if she does tense up which is very rare. I should think myself lucky I have such a good pony to ride especially listening to some of the awful falls some poor people on here have had with their horses rearing, bucking, bolting etc but I still get so scared if she so much as looks at something and tenses up. I haven't ridden for nearly a year now and have been concentrating the last 6 months on getting my back and neck better, spending a fortune on a very good chiropractor after 12 years of pain after a car accident. Hopefully this will help my confidence too if my health is better perhaps I won't be so scared of jolting my back which is another aspect to my bad nerves. I'm also considering the confidence course which I'm sure would help too if I can afford it and get the time off work as I work every Friday and Saturday night and not easy getting cover for these nights. Sorry if I've babbled on a bit, thanks everyone, this discussion group is really helping me. It's so friendly
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Post by Mellymoo on Mar 9, 2012 12:34:59 GMT 1
Sounds like you've got some good ideas in place OP - you'll get there! I used to be terrible if Jos started tensing up, but now I just tell him he's being silly and look away from whatever he is looking at. It's more to tell my nerves that they are being silly, because Jos won't do much of anything if he does spook or whatever. We rode past a wind turbine for the first time last night - he was tense and looking at it, so I looked the other way and told him all about the trees I was looking at. He stopped being tense soon after!
I think it's worth feeling the fear and doing it anyway if you are able to - sometimes this is not possible, it is just too big (like me and jumping!) but the sense of achievement if you can tell your fear to bog off and leave you alone is amazing! Like yesterday when we hacked out - my companion asked if I wanted to canter; I said no, but after a little while I thought sod it and off we went! We actually had a gallop (not my idea *sighs at Jos*) on the way home, and I was buzzing last night!
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Post by Dragonmaster on Mar 9, 2012 14:22:45 GMT 1
Lots of good advice, good discussion. Every time the thing you fear works out OK - ie you have a ride and no problems, you enjoy it is an occasion to store away for future visualisations, and it chips away at your fears. Also try NLP & EFT.
By the way, fth/Cathy, I think your fingers must have been blurring on the keypad in your second post!! Some 'interesting' spellings LOL.
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Post by curlytobiano on Mar 17, 2012 23:45:01 GMT 1
Hi - great thread ... I am not the bravest rider by any means! But I did have a wonderful bit of advice which is worth sharing here, I think: It really, really helped me some years ago when I was worrying about work, and a colleague (wise man!) said to me that I was worrying about this dragon that was about to leap out at me, and I had to fight it, and I was scared about that. He said, but what if, you don't have to fight the dragon - you just have to kiss the dragon on the nose. That may not work for everyone but boy, it worked for me. It's a way I can stop myself thinking of the worst possible outcome for every situation and deal with things much more positively. That was about 12 years ago and I still carry a red dragon around with me on my key ring to remind me what good advice that was
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