What to do when you are stressed??

[outoftheblue]

We have a new horse that came with all sorts of handling issues and has been improving over the twoweeks we have had him. However, today when I went to put him out I was very stressed - my daughter has been taken seriously ill- and consequently he was a complete nightmare to handle and has bitten me badly. I have to handle him regradless of what else is going on - so please all tips would be gratefully received.

[Deleted]

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and will be sending healing thoughts her way. I think in that situation where you need to do a job like turn out, you need to try to mentally put things down, almost step out of your emotions. It's not easy to do, almost impossoble and probably not healthy to try to do it all the time but for 5 minutes when you need to be calm I can usually manage it.

I would pause for a moment before handling that horse and take some deep breaths to slow yourself down, then remind yourself that you can't do anything to help your daughter in the next few moments while you're turning the horse out/ bringing in etc, and imagine that when you walk to his stable or field, you're leaving your worries where you were standing, and that you'll come back to them in a few minutes.

I think in a way it's about putting yourself in the moment with the horse and acknowledging that you are allowed to focus on the horse, it's not disrespectful to your daughter, and it certainly doesn't mean you don't care, but it means you keep yourself safe.

Take care.

[ruthp]

Can only echo Michelle's very good advice. You need to allow youself a little bit of an emotional break each day, otherwise you're not going to be fit to help your daughter, so maybe use the time with your horse as that break time. Leave the stress behind for a few minutes, and allow yourself to relax with a few deep breaths before concentrating on being the strong leader that your horse obviously needs you to be.

And all best wishes to your daughter.

[anastasia55555]

sorry to hear your daughter isnt well Maybe the horse feels that you are stressed and then worried that you might hurt him etc (not at all saying you would, but u see where im coming from??) They are very sensitive creatures.
Hard to say take your time around him when everything is tumbling in around you, but often rushing 'the job' can make things worse and frantic.
Not sure if it might sound daft to others, but maybe if you have an mp3 player or something, or even a radio you could plug in somewhere and play something relaxing to help calm you down, also what about rescue remedy? Maybe even for the both of you, certainly wont do any harm. Hum, sing, and remember to breathe also, so easy to get up tight. Go into what ever you are doing with him slowly and in a calm way. Watching your body language, you might be going about things like a bat outta hell from his point of view, even if you dont realise it your self.

[fth]

some great tips here.

first of all, sorry to hear about your daughter -- tough situation to be in

the advice about "being in the moment with the horse" is the key - -some horses support us in stress and are soft and gentler -- others are confused by it and those are the ones who can bite and behave oddly when we are stressed.

two things that can help if you are really stressed and find it hard to let go of it to be with your horse:

1. the box exercise: as you approach the yard/stable or a gateway -- stand for a moment, breathing -- and put all the "stuff" in your head about your daughter in a box and put it safely next to the gate so you can pick it up agai non the way out. IT often helps if you say "sorry, but I just need to pop you down ehre for af ew minutes so I can be a leader for our horse, I promise to pick you up on the way out.." -- then head in to do what you need to do with your horse.

on the way out, stop at the gate, pick uop the box and open it again -- welcoming all your "stuff" back...


2. When handling your horse, pretend you are someone else -- maybe "you" are not a strong leader right now -- but how about pretending to be your isntructor? a person you once knew? someone you KNOW IS a strong leader....this helps a LOT


good luck

xxx

Cathy

[anastasia55555]

Dec 14, 2010 22:47:46 GMT 1 fth said:

2. When handling your horse, pretend you are someone else -- maybe "you" are not a strong leader right now -- but how about pretending to be your isntructor? a person you once knew? someone you KNOW IS a strong leader....this helps a LOT

Maybe think about how your daughter normally goes about her business with him, and see if you can mimic what she does, be in her head, if she was there at the time. Talk to yourself alot if you have to, b*gger any one else who thinks your nutty, or says anything to you!

[milo]

i used "magic" calmer to help my new horse settle in to his new surroundings after he turned into a nightmare when he came to me,he soon resorted to the calm horse i brought.

[Deleted]

There you go, Cathy's description of the box idea is what I was trying to describe but not quite so eloquently!

[sarahlev]

Sorry to hear your daughter is sick.

Another exercise for being in the moment. ("Stolen" from another forum!) May not be entirely appropriate if you need to concentrate fully on your horse but could help get you away from what's bothering you.

"You're going to be using 3 senses - sight (peripheral vision), hearing and touch. You can say it aloud but I always found doing it silently worked. It gets better with practice but it's the "doing" of it that's important not being good at it. If you lose the thread at any point, just start again.

Sit or lie comfortably and fix your gaze on a certain object. Start by noticing what you can see in your peripheral vision.

Here's an example of what you might say to yourself:-

I can see -

My tea mug on the table
The computer keyboard
A book

I can hear -

The hum of the computer
The wind in the trees
A car engine

I can feel -

My left forearm resting on the table
My bottom on the chair
My right big toe touching the inside of my slipper

I can see -

A picture on the wall
The wardrobe

I can hear -

The radio downstairs
The dog snoring

I can feel -

My left thigh pressing into the table
My tongue touching tne inside of my lower teeth

I can see -

The headphones on the desk

I can hear -

My breathing

I can feel -

My left thumb touching my index finger.


That's it! It takes a lot of concentration which is probably why it works."

best wishes to you, your daughter, and horse.

Sarah

[rj]

Agree with all of the above and hope daughter gets well soon.

Look at it from horses point of view:-
I'm new to you, and not yet sure if you can be trusted.
You arrived exuding anxiety.
Why?
Oh, sh.... so you must be scared of somethiing.
What?
Where?
Can't see anything, but if human is scared it MUST be bad.
Ooohhhhh, get away from me, before I get killed!!!

If he has bitten you, he would probably have only done so because you weren't listening to what he was telling you before (your mind on other things of course).
So you have to concentrate on his body language - what is he saying? Resolve the situation before he has no choice but to make it clear. Did you make him jump, cause him pain - or may he just have thought you were going to? He doesn't know what you might do to him.

So you have the responsibility to be the leader of this herd of two, to show a calm, confident outlook. It may actually help you destress about daughter too.

Just enjoy being with this horse and breathing in sync with him, doing nothing for just a few precious minutes.
Watch his head lower, his eyes soften, his mouth relax, and smile. Life can't all be bad when you are with a horse.

Try to think calmly about your lovely daughter and send her happy and positive thoughts too.

Good luck

[jen1]

eft4horseandrider.co.uk the things on this website should help temedously , i was tapping madly while at the dentist today within minuite my heart rate was down and wasnt panicking

[jen1]

www.eft4horseandrider.co.uk

[outoftheblue]

Thank you so much evryone for your very good tips. My daughter is improving, thank goodness - she broke her back in the summer and has still not really recovered and got pneumonia last week. Interestingly, the horse has started to neigh to me when he sees me the last two days. I am sure we are going to end up on the same page of the hymn book!

[anastasia55555]

Glad to hear there are improvements all round! Sounds like it was definetly a case of fear rather than not liking you!

[jen1]

Dec 16, 2010 14:42:02 GMT 1 outoftheblue said:

Thank you so much evryone for your very good tips. My daughter is improving, thank goodness - she broke her back in the summer and has still not really recovered and got pneumonia last week. Interestingly, the horse has started to neigh to me when he sees me the last two days. I am sure we are going to end up on the same page of the hymn book!

daft as it sounds singing hymns can lower your heartrate too, and bring about peace, the times ive spent traveling nervous horses and singing,lol it always works, ;D