Lifestyle re-evaluation - opinions appreciated

[sonicboy]

Bit of a rant but thought you all might be able to help me as you will see it from my horses point of view.

I live in a cottage, rent fields next to my house and have a 2 stables in the garden, which sounds ideal and I should be happy but...
huge mortgage hence very stressful and timeconsuming job
very isolated and at times like this I'm petrefied I will run out of haylage and my supplier can't get to me as we are snowed in pretty badly. Have been for 2 weeks now.
Not enough bedrooms for the kids
husband wants to move back to the village, feels we are very unsociable and getting old before our time
kids want to move back to village

I want a less stressful job (am a secondary school teacher) and to have more room in the house, more bedrooms for the kids. Want a holiday again, not had one for about 6 years cos of big mortgage. Want to be less stressed out and tired all the time. We all agree we should downsize the mortgage for a more suitable house but we would have to compromise having neds at home. Couldn't possibly live without them but if we moved I couldn't get to them up here in this bad weather. Don't want them at local livery yard as been there done that and couldn't cope with the bickering and nosiness, plus worry they would become unsettled as they are so settled and easy living the way they do. Lots of people on the yard have behaviour probs cos of chaotic way it is run.

Don't know what to do for the best. Currently walking up and down 1/2 mile very steep hil to get to frozen car with the kids each day and generally had enough now. Any suggestions peeps?
Well done if you've managed all this and sorry for the self pity, know there are others much worse off than me but just want to change how we live as we are not as happy as we were when we were poorer and living in little house. Some people are never happy eh

MTA want a change of career too, horse related in some way and small mortgage would allow this risk. Have English degree and media/ press background too. No real horsey qualifications tho, just BHS horseowners cert. Any suggestions of careers?

[Catrin]

Looks like it's list time. Make two, things you've got in your life now that you want to keep and things you want to lose. Which of the things depend on your job/income. What can you cross off, if you have less money. Make another two lists for if you were living in a village. Sift through them in the same way. Writing things briefly under headings stops us cluttering the facts with rationalisation and emotion.

When you've decided what things you've got to keep. You should be able to affirm the things you know you want. The next thing to do is tell yourself that they are going to happen. Then don't let anything bring the can't/won't thoughts in and over the next few days, you'll find ideas coming into your mind that let you know what you really want and how these things can be achieved. Thinking of what we don't want in our lives just keeps us where we are. Focussing on what we do want, helps us find out how to achieve them.

[sonicboy]

Thanks for that Catrin, was hoping you would see this. You are totally right about the lists, thing is, whole family have been keen to move for a while but I've been holding back cos selfishly I want my little herd at home. I want more job satisfaction, less stress, horses to be happy, not really that ambitious or money orientated. Hubby wants to see more people than sheep/ horses!

Have always been a very play-it-safe type of person and downsizing and chucking away a perfectly sensible and financially good job seems madness. Wish I wasn't so flippin responsible and safe.

[wabuska]

I don't want to sound like a wimp but I have to say, a job like a secondary school teacher I would personally hang onto for dear life, for the holidays that come with it and the security. I do realise it's a massive job, and one of the most important in my book. I work as a freelance journalist from home and the stress is there in a different way, mainly financial. The lack of holidays is a huge problem with us too, but having horses around certainly doesn't help in that department. I'm sure the rotten weather and doing so much by yourself has got you down Sonic, but it sounds like the momentum from the entire family is back towards the village. How do the children feel about not having ponies at the house? I'm surprised they wouldn't kick up about that if they enjoy them as much as you do. Is there a yard of DIY livery arrangement anywhere else?

[sonicboy]

All true Kanga, it is stable and financially good job with perk of good holidays. But, on the other hand, during term time I usually spend at least 2-3 hours a night planning lessons and marking. Also, very good school so often have lots of grief and pressure from parents, also have to put up with being sworn at occasionally and lots of stroppy teenage boys kicking off, very draining. Spend all day sunday planning and marking too. Sometimes feel I spend more time worrying about other peoples' kids than I do mine. Chaotic homelife in the evenings cos trying to do work with all hell breaking loose in the back ground. Wish I could leave the job when I leave the building, it has totally taken over my life. Don't go out or see friends anymore.
Kids love having them at home during summer and riding from home etc but not much help to me in this weather, Amber helps sometimes. They just want to have the ponies and see more of their friends from the village too. Yard is diy, my mum has her horse there but they all have behaviour probs. Combination of reasons why. I could go back there and if the neds behaviour stayed the same it would be perfect, nice school, good stabling, nice people (if a little batty and nosey). Land to buy or rent is like gold dust tho, can't think of field to rent that I could get too when weather is like this.
Feel a bit torn. Friends and hubby say I'm boring workaholic, used to be poor but had fun!

[ashleigh]

I so understand where you are coming from on this one. I have been a secondary school teacher for ten years now, and I have decided that this year is going to be my last.

I have been through the whole 'hang on to the job because it is safe and stable', but frankly it is making my life miserable for just the reasons you describe.

I say, downsize, and follow your dream. Life is too short and too precious to do something you are not enjoying.

Best of luck to you.

[kjr]

So I'm not the only stresssed out teacher that comes on here then ;D !!! There do seem to be a few of us - there was a thread not so long ago about not feeling good enough - that was to do with the stresses of teaching too.

The snow at the moment just makes an huge workload/ hectic lifestyle harder - there must be an end to it (tries to be positive!). Oh well at least that's why I can be on here now - weather conditions horrendous - school closed at lunchtime. Hey I could get more planning, marking etc done - might mean I can have more time for family and horse at some point.

[wabuska]

I know teachers work a lot harder than 9-3pm, and it sounds like a full load, BUT I wonder if there anyone you could talk to about finding new ways to manage your time and work. I'm not doubting you're swamped, but I tend to tie myself up in knots and need straightening out occasionally to get my work done sanely.

[tamzin]

HI there. Having done the career change thing, believe me its not worth it. Did my AI when is was younger, went from a good job in IT to teaching. Terrible mistake. Long long hours, sometimes working 7 days a week for rubbish money and a lot of hard work, as I became the yard manager. I decided this was not for me after 5 years in the job. Turned back to IT, decent salary, good flexi-hours, annual leave and a Pension. So my opinion is keep teaching unless you want a hell of a drop in salary. Failing that become a cleaner they are charging £12 per hour in York. Also Dad was a teacher so I know its stressful but believe me a career with horses is far from a walk in the park.

[Catrin]

I wouldn't be a 'real' teacher in UK. It was getting bad when I escaped in 1985, now, on the few odd times I'm in a school, I am really glad I don't have to be there until 5 pm when there isn't even a meeting and still have to be up to midnight preparing the next day's lessons. During term time, you have no escape from the 57 hour week.

I would have suggested you go on the supply list, but although that worked for me for six years and kept paying my back-in-the-UK mortgage, it isn't so easy now that schools have their own permanent cover teachers. Living where you do, you would have to travel 30 miles most days after getting a 7 am call. From Ruthin, I worked in The Marches, Oswestry, Ellesmere College, Colwyn Bay and Aber Conwy and even got asked to go to Liverpool, which I always declined. You wouldn't get as much work, couldn't really plan your week ahead, though you could say no, I don't want to work today and you wouldn't have to plan lessons or mark them. You would have to frequently 'encourage' sixteen year old ASBO holders to do something useful for an hour while their 'real' teacher is away.

Practically, talking to your head about job sharing or reduced hours would be something worth considering.

[Kelly Marks]

I'd ask for reduced hours. You keep hearing that secondary school teachers are becoming like gold dust and they're doing everything to keep them. It would be a shame for the school system to lose you (and Ashleigh) - they just need to reduce your workload so you can enjoy your job and life more - after all - we'd do that for a horse wouldn't we?!

[nich]

well I am dreaming of giving up my career as an operations director to be a teacher! more fulfilling, working with kids rather than screwing more and more out of staff and constantly making redundancies. the hours can't be that much worse (already do 50+ hours week x 47 weeks/yr), the pension is better and I could leave the expensive south east...

[wabuska]

Working from home is brilliant, don't get me wrong, but there is a drop in income. I live a 1000,000 Euro lifestyle some days in my mind however as being 'owned' 9-5 would simply kill me. It does take discipline, and it's not for everyone, but with media skills, there are opportunities for PR/freelance journalism/consultancy etc., Creating work for yourself week by week takes some getting used to. As Kellly says Sonic, they do seem to be desperate to hold onto teachers, so perhaps there is some way you can keep your skilled, well paid work, and claw back some of your life? Grind work?

[sonicboy]

Thanks everybody, knew you would understand and not think I'm just a whinger. A reply from Kelly has cheered me up no end as well, yay, thank you Kelly. I will still be smiling about that when I'm trudging down my steep snow covered hill at 7.30 in the morning on the way to school ;D
I wouldn't be a supply teacher for all the tea in China Catrin. The last one I left with my year 11 class had a severe asthma attack and burst out crying because of their behaviour, now refuses to cover them . That said, the same class cheered and clapped today when I eventually made it to school an hour late, wearing my horse-poo covered wellies and dripping in snow.
Swings and roundabouts, massive highs and totally demoralising lows in teaching. Very draining emotionally, that and the constant paper work, lesson planning, marking, meetings, inspections etc etc. Dealing with asbo kids is the easy bit really. Very rarely feel I'm 'making a difference', mostly treading water and fire fighting problems. Wouldn't really recommend it nich!
Maybe we should start a teachers' support group Ashleigh and kjr. Maybe I'd get more blinkin work done if I didn't escape on here so often
Part time would be better, was on reduced timetable last year and now back to full time with more responsibilities. Bit of a perfectionist too, must stop that. Immediately!

[sazjayp]

I work in recruitment / HR and do long, long hours, rubbish holidays and not so great perks - I spend lots of time in Travelodges rather than spending time with my neddies. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener - might be better off sticking with your teaching, and working on the house thing first - see how you feel then and if you still want to change career, go for it!