Grief after Losing a Horse

[Feeling Lost]

Lots of us must be sharing these awful feelings. Perhaps we can ask for help here and find out how others might feel the same.

I lost my horse a few weeks ago. I'm not planning to get another very soon. I can't afford it and would prefer to wait until one comes to me.

Now, I'm looking at the threads on this site and closing them again before reading more than a bit of them. How can all these discussions about horses health and behaviour be relevant to me, when I'm no longer a horse owner? I read something and the first horse I automatically think of, to explore my own feelings and experience, is no longer here.

I'm not crying so much now (although I've had a pretty 10 mins while writing this!) but I'm finding it hard in other ways I find it difficult to understand.

As much as anything, I fear that I'm going to forget everything that I've learned as it's all slipping away from me now. As if I've lost all my connection with horses.

Anyone else know this one ????

[trallwmfarm sanctuary]

You never will.
When you need each piece of knowlege which will enable you to look after a horse it will come flying back.And all you have learned and loved with your lost horse will enable you to love a new horse with all your heart.That new horse will come when he needs you and you him but right now you need to grieve.

[tracey]

i no what your feeling right now, i lost my 3yo in april this year. i felt just how you described, my boy was my life, dream, and future. id always wanted a untouched foal to tame myself then have him what id made him, but it sadly came to an end the day before his 3rd birthday, when it was just taken away from me. id never lost a horse before and why is life so cruel, i didnt want to even go and see to my old boy, but i had to crying my eyes out all the way to the yard. my horse mags all went in the bin, i had nothing to look for on my laptop as all i do is horses. but with lots of frends and lovely family beside me,and just time. it does get easier but the heartache will never go away, and i still have bad days now, but if i could turn back time id do it all again, as i feel its best to have done and meet such a lovely horse i had then to never had have him, its such a same we didnt get longer. my heart goes out to you, and belive me it slowly gets better.

[jenna]

Oh gosh, I've been there too.

Tracey, my story is very similar to you. I bought a beautiful yearling filly, brought her on, taught her everything, created such a bond with her that she would do anything for me.

We spent hours and hours plodding around the lanes and bridleways together, firstly in hand, then long reining, and finally riding. She was my angel, my soulmate, my everything.

She died when she was 3 and a half.

I shut myself off from horses - I sold everything I had collected through 20 years of horse ownership. I could not bear to look at a magazine, and that horsey smell - I couldn't bear it. That was nearly four years ago now - I swore I would never own another horse.

I came on here about a year ago, and started reading about other people's horses again. I felt, as you do OP, that it was not relevant to me, all these people sharing their experiences, ups and downs.

Gradually, I felt the urge to be more involved, and am now the happy owner of a part-bred welsh yearling filly (who came to me last year as an 8 month old).

At times it's hard - I look at her, and I wonder if I can build such a bond with her as I did with my other. Can you have two such horses in a lifetime, or will I be forever comparing them?

It may take a while, but time is the greatest healer of all, and you will start to feel better.

((((hugs)))))) and best wishes.

Jenna xx

[Pollyh]

Hi my name is polly,I lost my boy a year ago (5thAugust) I had him for 14 years he was and always will be the love of my life,I think of him every day,I will get easier for you in time .
I will never forget all I have learned and nor will you,I still feel lost and somehow empty but I know that he had a good life all the time he was with me.I still have a few things left from my vast collection but they are out of sight .
I do feel for you,we loved our horses very much and it seems sometimes that we will never get over them,but we will always have our memories (they make me smile and sometimes cry)It WILL get better ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Polly

[feeling lost]

Trallwm, thanks, that's very touching. I do hope it will be like that.

Tracey and Jenna, all I can think is that they come to teach us and that when they leave, that is part of the lesson too. I think that when another horse comes along, the bond can be as great, but different, that's all. But that's such a small comfort in face of the enormous grief.

Polly, I feel you still need a big hug too, so I'm sending one back to you.

I met someone at work the other day who said she was going on to see her horse after the meeting. I responded "oh, have you got a horse? I ... " I had been going to say "so have I", but I can't say that any more. Suddenly I'm no longer a horse owner. The loss keeps hitting home in so many unexpected ways and at unexpected moments.

[chrissiew]

It does get better with time, I lost my mare 6 years ago - she was 10 years old, had just come "right" after years of working through her problems, but she broke her leg. It was horrific, I can honestly say I have never felt grief like it, even losing grandparents etc (may sound strange, but that is how I felt).

Although I couldn't bear to replace her, I also found I couldn't function without my horsey life - it is so much a part of who I am. I refused to put away her photos and I kept all my stuff - that is how I dealt with it - I was soooo scared that if I put things away I would never be able to go back to horses and that was such an unacceptable thought to me, that it just wasn't an option. But my god was it hard and I would never have got through it without the support of my wonderful friends and family.

I bought another horse about 3 months after it happened as I just couldn't stand being without my horsey life. My grief for Kelly was something apart from that. I worried that I wouldn't love my new mare the same, as I had been through so much with my old mare, but Minnie (my new mare) quickly took a firm hold of my heart, but a new place, not by squeezing out Kelly's place. I suddenly found there was space for both, my new horse and my much treasured memories.

I did have many an evening where I cried all the way home from the stables because Kelly wasn't there, but it wasn't because I didn't want Minnie - I just wanted Kelly back too. I never once regretted buying Minnie, but I do feel eternally grateful that I have been lucky enough to find two horses in my lifetime that have been so very special.

I really feel for anyone who is still going through the grief process, but would urge anyone to not give up their love of horses because of it. The best healing I have found, although maybe not the easiest, was not friends, family or anyone else, but the horses themselves.

[bhpride]

I don't own a horse. I don't ride and I don't go near horses but I still come on here, and post if I think I can help

[joc]

That's good to hear. We've all got something to offer each other whether we are into horses or not.

[Jem]

awww this thread has made me realise how lots of other people are dealing with the pain and hurt i am having to deal with at the moment. My world fell apart 3 weeks ago when my baby jester had to be put 2 sleep after suffering with laminitis 4 over 15 months. i had had jester, my 14hh, irish cob, piebald gelding since he was 3, and this year he was 8, so as u can imagine im feeling so lost at the moment. He was every thing to me, and i spent all my spare time with him, toward the end, i used to sleep with him at night in his stable, coz i was to scared to leave him. I knew what the result would be, but as much as u prepare urself 4 something like this, it still hits u very hard. i am so lost. i just cant get my head around the fact that he isnt here. We kept him at home as we have 13 acres, and stables, so it feels very empty when u come home and hes not here. We have now put the house on the market as i cant bare to live here without him. my heart goes out 2 all of u, it is such a hard time, and they are all so precious to us. Jester was my baby and will always have a very special placce in my heart. luv u all xxxxxxxxxxxx

[monet]

i to no how you are feeling, grief is such a dreadfully emotion and its always worse when its an animal i think.

i have lost 3 pony's this year each to old age ailments but i still think of them every day and its only been the last few weeks that i felt able to frame there photos, also i had to leave them behind in jersey when i moved to Devon a few weeks back and that hurt [silly i no] but i no were they are.

also i lost my little rescue dog misty a week after arriving here and that has made me feel so guilty as i think the move may have been to much for her, i still have her sister and she is fine but i still pour tears every night just thinking about her.

it does get better Tc and talk plenty

xx

[Jem]

monet, so sorry to hear about ur losses this year. My heart goes out 2 u. We moved to devon 2 years ago, and ever since we moved weve had nothing but bad luk. 11 days after living here, our cat died, then afew days later our bunny wabbit passed away and then we started getting problems with jestr. it makes me wish we had never of moved here. Now we have all the land with our house and i no longer have my neddy outside. take care sweet, xxq

[trallwmfarm sanctuary]

Just look at any of the rescue centres. They are bulging with horses waiting for thier special person to love them forever. From Shetlands right though (in our case) to BSJA horses.
All wonderful ,all vulnerable,all waiting for you to have space in your hearts when you are ready.
I wish you all peace and future happiness.

[jill]

It's important to remember the great times you have shared, and the greatest compliment you can ever pay to a lost friend - cat, dog, horse or any other animal - is to say "That was great, let's do it again". You will make comparisons when you first get together with your new friend, but they will fade and you'll come to love and appreciate your new friend for all that they are, and all the joy they can bring you. Don't lose out on that, your old friend wouldn't have wanted you to.