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Post by holi on May 14, 2013 9:31:36 GMT 1
well my confidence is not the bes (gave up for 8 years) and initially it was good but then started to erode again for lots of reasons. Self doubt and self criticism crept in then my mare went off for surgery. She is now in rehab and coming back slowly into work but just over 3 weeks ago when still on box rest she kicked me and broke my arm.
I was in for 2 nights and now have a large plate and umpteen pins in my right forearm and its still rather sore. I'm off work at least until beginning of june but in the last few days the whole episode keeps coming back vividly and I'm finding it a bit disturbing. When I can get to see her I don't lead her out incase she pulls (I've got a chunk of bone missing which has to grow back) but can feel myself being anxious except when I'm near her head - steer very clear of back ends!
My brain is racing - I can't ride for 3 months and the yard is great in terms of the physio and work she is getting but they are all high flying competitors and already I can feel myself shrinking inside and feeling inadequate. Help!
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Post by kizi on May 14, 2013 10:07:42 GMT 1
That's normal... It's your sub-conscious trying to protect you.. Grief does similar in some ways.. But I personally think for me when I had a bad accident a few years ago I needed to relive it to an extent.. I didn't think that at the time mind! I was trampled badly, knocked unconscious, fractured ankle, trapped nerves in my hip, hoof bruise on my kidneys etc etc I went around for the first few weeks shrugging it off.. But when I started to heal and contemplate getting back to full action the panic set in.. But by reliving it over and over it helped me, because I was able to really piece it all together and it has actually (eventually) improved a lot of what I do, because it forced me to up the ante a little with regard to ground work, my safety and having every single animal big and small learn to respect my bubble... Now, a few years later, I am much much more confident around all my lot because I am confident I have done everything I can to prevent it happening again, at least to that extent. I also think it made me a little more aware of the split second events that lead to the extent of my injuries and I think in the same position again now I would react a split second quicker to lessen the blow.. Does that make sense? Being hurt by your own horse is a very personally upsetting thing, but, they are horses after all, and when you analyse things there's always a reason why something happens.. So there's a way to help avoid it (as much as possible) in the future... You are not inadequate if they are any good as riders they will all have had accidents and will understand.. But one thing I learned is no one is indestructible, and to be honest if they thought any less of you then do you want to care.. If you had a bad car accident you'd fear getting back behind the wheel... Same for aeroplanes and boats... And those things don't have minds of their own! We are very brave people on here, owning horses and wanting to help them rather than control them to within an inch of their lives.. You need time and understanding and hugs.. Apparently tea and biscuits make bones heal better  you will be ok because you want to be and you can be! Time! |
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Post by holi on May 14, 2013 10:14:24 GMT 1
thank you kizi - I have to work through it and I suppose at the moment its early days and sitting here on your own confined as can't drive or get anywhere is horrible. Too much time to think! Well done you for coming through x
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Post by kizi on May 14, 2013 10:22:09 GMT 1
You will be fine.. Yes thought, being stuck where you can't avoid thinking about things does make it harder..
I hope your arm heals quick, it sounds incredibly owchy!
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Post by holi on May 14, 2013 10:33:21 GMT 1
yes its a bit spooky as I swear I can feel the lump of metal when I lean on it by mistake - makes me shudder!
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Post by kizi on May 14, 2013 22:59:22 GMT 1
Oh yuk I can imagine! One of my dogs when I rub her I can feel her microchip which makes me shudder.. Much worse if it was in me! You'll be able to terrify some kids some where some day with tales of metal in your arm!! |
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Post by holi on May 15, 2013 16:44:54 GMT 1
can't wait to go through airport security in september!
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Post by kizi on May 15, 2013 18:51:10 GMT 1
Hehehe
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edie
Novice Poster
Posts: 40
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Post by edie on May 17, 2013 20:19:59 GMT 1
This seams to be something we all do. My accident was not horsey related, it was a car accident, but the same processes apply, to get over/accept what has happened, the brain has to make it all make sense, if you know what I mean. My hubby was quite badly hurt, and I was driving, I felt, fear, guilt, panic at the thought of the randomness of it all, and the fact it could happen again at any time!!!! it was almost overwhelming  For months afterwards it was all I could talk about, it must have seemed so strange to others, and more than a little obsessive  The best person I found to talk to was my dad, not because he was my dad, but because he was a rally driver, we walked the scene and he was able to tell me where the other car had come from, where I had braked, where I had let the breaks back off in an attempt to steer out of the slide, every thing, then we looked at the car, it was a wreck, but added to my description, and the marks on the road, dad was able to tell what order the damage occurred in. My accident was caused by another driver coming around a corner in the middle of a narrow road, in an effort to avoid hitting him I went too far over into the hedge, by the time I got the car out again my front wheel was bent right under and I could not regain control. There were a row of mature tree coming up and rather than hit them I chose to try to punch through the hedge, unfortunately the car caught a big stone and started to roll, which is what caused all of my hubby's injuries. Talking to my dad was amazing help, he told me honestly(and he would have told me if he had thought differently!!), that I had done all the correct things, that once my wheel was damaged the way it was that HE couldn't have kept control! and that I chose right to punch through the hedge, even though it caused the car to roll, that wasn't something I could have predicted, but had I tried to keep on the road any longer, we would have reached the trees and we WOULD have all been killed. My point is, that to make sense of these things you need to relive them, over and over, to examine them in minute detail, to understand how and why it happened, to learn from them, to decide how to proceed in the future, to decide was it a freak accident, or something that could have been foreseen, could better preparation have prevented it or at least minimized the damage (my dad had been preparing me for this since I started to learn to drive,I thought it was crazy when I had to go out and drive in the ice and snow to learn how to control a sliding car), and is there any thing you would do different?. I made a decision right there, I will swop paint and smash wing mirrors, and let the insurance companies sort it out, but I will NEVER again go over too far into the hedge to save someone else loosing a mirror or getting a dent in their car. I really hope this is more than just a rant, and makes some sense to you  |
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you will be ok because you want to be and you can be! Time! 
The best person I found to talk to was my dad, not because he was my dad, but because he was a rally driver, we walked the scene and he was able to tell me where the other car had come from, where I had braked, where I had let the breaks back off in an attempt to steer out of the slide, every thing, then we looked at the car, it was a wreck, but added to my description, and the marks on the road, dad was able to tell what order the damage occurred in. My accident was caused by another driver coming around a corner in the middle of a narrow road, in an effort to avoid hitting him I went too far over into the hedge, by the time I got the car out again my front wheel was bent right under and I could not regain control. There were a row of mature tree coming up and rather than hit them I chose to try to punch through the hedge, unfortunately the car caught a big stone and started to roll, which is what caused all of my hubby's injuries. Talking to my dad was amazing help, he told me honestly(and he would have told me if he had thought differently!!), that I had done all the correct things, that once my wheel was damaged the way it was that HE couldn't have kept control! and that I chose right to punch through the hedge, even though it caused the car to roll, that wasn't something I could have predicted, but had I tried to keep on the road any longer, we would have reached the trees and we WOULD have all been killed.