Perfect confidence book

[natty]

Ok so in reading perfect confidence and got a little stuck!
Now I've read the part on helpful and unhelpful beliefs and I'm not sure what this belief will fall under and it's one that I have said for years!
'I always feel like Rosie wants to kill me but I know she is really looking after me' part of me feels it's unhelpful but then the last bit makes me think it's helpful so I'm stuck!
Also the part on a mentor I don't have one! There is no one I can be around or have around for support, do that made me feel really down, I used to many years ago as a child by a wonderful man who let me look after his pony and ride when ever I wanted, he taught me everything I know, unfortunately he's not around any more so can't go to him. I have also lost contact with many of my "horsey friends" with only a few around that don't have the same beliefs as me, the only person I do have is my daughters god mother but she has the same confidence issues as me!
How did everyone find their mentor or did you not?
Bit of a pointless thread but I read it got stuck on those bits and wanted to cry! I feel like so unloved to not have people around me lol

[dalesfan]

How about changing that belief to ' I enjoy Rosie and feel safe with her '. I had lots of confidence issues with my horses, and still have days when my nerves kick in, but changing the things I said to myself about my horses and myself really helped,because by making it a positive phrase, I put the focus on all the good things about my horses, and about our time together. Instead of ' Chymnee naps and doesn't go forward' I changed it to ' Chymnee is really steady and safe ' and then I felt I really wanted to ride her. As far as a mentor goes, I didn't really have anyone around who was into IH to start with,but as I started learning more and talking to people, I found others who were interested, and now a couple of friends sometimes come to help with my spook busting sessions. Since doing a few more IH courses, I've found someone near me who's not an RA anymore but uses Monty's and IH's methods, and observing him has helped loads.

[Black Bob]

Natty - though I can understand your need of a mentor with a real knowledge of horses, have you thought of trying to find a mentor with a real knowledge of people instead?

After all, if the problem is not so much Rosie, but your lack of confidence, maybe a mentor like that could help you just as much - maybe even more so.

My other suggestion would be to check if you have unwittingly narrowed down the scope of your search, and are missing some prime candidates for that role. You mentioned that your first mentor was a man much older than you, but one of my mentors is about 50 years younger than I am - and I doubt that she has the slightest suspicion that she is my mentor!

It may be true that you can't put old heads on young shoulders - but they do sometimes seem to grow there of their own accord!

HTH

[sarahlev]

I also got a little stuck with the idea of a mentor as there is no one around here who I really respect as a horse person. I have found support from people on this board to be very helpful though. One person in particular has helped me a lot (via emails), as much with general life/depression issues as horsey confidence.

[shan]

I think you'll find a forum full of mentors here, if you're stuck

You could always just take out the 'I feel like Rosie wants to kill me' bit - after all, that's your belief not her intention... we are a product of our thoughts, and they are also ours to change as we want, whenever we want. Thoughts become our reality, so practice creating that with how you think about yourself, your confidence, and your horse - it will improve, I guarantee it!

[natty]

I think I have found 2 mentors :-) well more like hero's!!!
1st is a guy who is friends with my mum and he's determined to get my confidence back up to scratch, he will be giving me weekly lessons, starting from in hand work and moving on to riding :-)
2nd is a lovely lady who I met through Facebook, she came over to mine for her daughter to try on some riding boots I'm trying to sell and got to talking about my confidence, where she then sent me a message saying some lovely things about how I will get there it will just take time.
Then when I asked her if she knew anyone who could get Rosie started again for me, she offered to take her on for a couple weeks to school her!

I feel truly blessed to have 2 practically strangers try and change my life!
They have both certainly restored my faith in horse people after everyone else I have met let me down and got me to a stage where I couldn't ask for help! Thanks to my mum who spoke to the guy and explained my situation, I then had just enough guts to ask the lady who's schooling her :-)

[rowanrachel]

That sounds like it was meant to be natty! Super, hope your feeling alot more positive now :-))

[mollichop64]

I think someone once said..... "when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear" or something like that and yes it certainly seems like fate stepped in here.....

[rosief]

That wasn't someone, that was in Kellys' book! x

[mollichop64]

You're right Rosief and its also what Kelly has always said on all the courses and all the demos about meeting Monty ;0) x