the post baby confidence melt down

[Suz]

Please tell me it goes away.
My mare and I have a chequered past with some incidents which were rather unnerving but before I had the baby I was able to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Since I had my gorgeous daughter I have sat on her 3 times and been close to tears I was so terrified each time. The sad thing is i remember how much i enjoy riding her when I'm brave enough to laugh at her jumps and quirks but right now they scare the bejezus out of me.

[cookie]

Ah Suz, how old is your little one?

It does get better. My confidence in most things deteriorated after giving birth. I think until I stopped breast feeding I felt below par generally.

I'm not as gung ho as I once was and I'm a bit more sensible in my approach to things but it certainly doesn't hold me back so much as in the first 3-6 months. Not sure if that helps

[fth]

it will go away -- one thing that is a give away is that in the pat you have "felt the fear and done it anyway" -- post child that apporach doesn't work so well!

instead, work on the "feel the fear, so develop a strategy that sorts it out" for example if sitting on your horse frightens you -- just spend an hour getting on and off, on and off, on and off -- until it doesn't frighten you anymore and only then move on to the next stage

sounds silly -- but the fear is your unconscoius trying to keep you safe, so you ahve to prove to it that you WILL stay safe for it to go away and let you get on with things

good luck

Cathy
PS whereabouts are you as several people on here work with confidence and might be near you if you need a kick start......

[Suz]

She is 20 wks old tomorrow- can't believe how fast it has gone by!
I am near Winchester in Hampshire if anyone is near by.
I think the strategy you suggest is kind of what ive been working on, i have been working her from the ground doing spook busting working on feeling super confident with her on the ground and no pressure to get on her at all ;D

[fth]

hi Suz -- well sounds like you have good instincts!! one thing when working from the ground is to practice "reading" her -- if you can learn all her little signs on the gorund, then you can be much more confident when on her that you can predict her behaviour --

one thing I often do is I do all the games and spook busting - -but while I am back at the saddle position -- so that way I get used ot reading the horse from back there -- and the horse gets used to being ahead of me, if you see what I mean -- does wonders for all our confidence!

the other thing is to give yourself permission to take as long as it takes -- AND to get off whenever you WANT to!! that will make a huge difference! I alwyas ride out with a halter and lead rope so I CAN get off anywhere and be safe -- makes picnics easier too LOL

you're two hours away from me -- but I sometimes come that way to see friends in bournemouth -- so lets see if anyone nearby can chat and share with you -- otherwise we can always meet for coffee on one of my trips

sometimes just having others to talk to makes a huge difference

Cathy

[nomdeac]

Hi Suz, as a former health visitor I've seen alot of people go through the same feelings you have now and come out the other side.
Try and do a little something everyday which is part of your own identity, it can be ever so small and the same thing each day if you want, as long as you enjoy it. Keep doing your ground work excercises on your mare and make sure your having fun with her.
My own elderly mare got gravel badly in her hoof about 4 days after I had my daughter. Poor old girl her illness saved me. I had to go up twice a day to dress her foot and so I got my me time. Baby came with me sometimes, sometimes not.
Trust your own feelings.
Catherine

[fircones]

Agree with above poster - all these things will come - dont put pressure on yourself, theres enough to adjust to with a new baby without making it even harder. The bit about losing your identity is interesting too - it can feel a bit like that but gradually you work out ways to do things that remind you of who you are again. Enjoy your baby too!

[penny70]

With each of my 4 children I completely lost confidence in riding anything at all until the baby was about a year old. Then I'd start occasionally sitting on a known safe horse until baby was about 3, not breast-feeding anymore and sleeping through the night. After that I'd start getting on almost anything again. But right from the baby being about a week old I'd be up at the yard doing everything on the ground.
If I hadn't had my horse related accident about 3 years ago, that would be the case now (youngest is 2 and 1/2, and I very occasionally get on Mouse (who thinks he's in heaven being a field ornament)), but even before she was born I now only get on very known and safe horses.
Everyone is different though. For me I need to know that the child would cope if I had to be in hospital, and seeing as I feed my children until they are around 3, and they don't sleep through the night until they stop feeding, I know they wouldn't cope easily if I wasn't at home.
You'll get back into it. Don't beat yourself up. Enjoy the ground work and know that your relationship with your horse is growing stronger. And also remember that your horse does not mind hanging out!