confidence has taken a bashing :(

[papershoes]

Long story short I have had my gelding for over 6 years now. Due to soundness issues (he is now 100% sound *touch everything wooden*) he has only been in proper work since April last year. Now he is comfortable again it is making him quite a handful.

He is getting strong under saddle and spooky. He has also started bucking out on hacks!

He has all all the regular checks very recently, so Im confident to say hopefully his behaviour is down to high jinks and feeling good. Today in particularly really upset me.

I went out with 2 friends and someone on foot, my horse was being such a handful - jogging, bucking, going sideways and feeling very tense, as well as jumping at every sound, that I had to be put on a leadrope by the person on foot. I just felt so downhearted that I had reverted back to square one with him (that's how it felt even if I actually haven't!).

I get thoughts of 'Im not good enough to ride my horse' and 'he is too much for me.'

He is better to hack out by himself but doesnt seem to like it as much as being in company so I try to do both to keep him sweet.

I have to remind myself that when I first got him I would sit on the mounting block and cry because I was too scared to get on him and he wouldn't stand still, but days like this really knock me back.

I was looking forward to Dressage next week but now I'm terrified if he is going to be like this in a strange environment!!

Cupcakes if you got this far x

[Mellymoo]

Oh hon, first of all ((((hugs)))) to you. I think you did very well on your hack - yes, you had a wee time on the lead rein, but you didn't get off, and I presume you didn't cry either? I would have done both! Look how far you have both come already.

You'll be fine - he will be fine in a strange place, he'll be so busy being nosy that he won't have time to do anything daft. Just remember that he has had a lot of time off not working, so he has to acclimatise to it all again - if I don't get on Jos for a couple of weeks he is on his toes at first, but he soon settles. Have you tried leading your horse out with others, stopping for a wee picnic every so often, then getting on and riding home (also stopping for a picnic when mounted?) He may start to associate going out with others as the most awesome chance to eat, therefore he'll love it. It works for Jos anyway

[helenj]

Hi papershoes

I really think that having an RA out for a session would be a big help.

It's difficult to be sure without seeing you and your horse together, but it sounds like you have a history of confidence issues with him and maybe now that he is well, he is questioning who is the trusted leader in the relationship.

An RA would do some groundwork with you to make sure that you are confident and in control, in a way that your horse understands, and could get you started with some spook busting, which will help when you are out.

You don't mention feed at all, but this may be something to think about, again an RA could discuss further

In terms of your dressage next week, is this a lesson, and is there any chance of the instructor coming to you; terrified isn't a good starting point for anything (except maybe bungee jumping!) and scaring yourself further, if you did have a problem, is probably not going to help in the long term - just a thought.

[papershoes]

I felt near to tears but as I was out with 2 people younger than me I held it back!

On the ground I am very confident with him, expect for his rare moments when he starts to be strong and bolshy - usually happens when he is excited. I can take him past the scariest objects in hand and he will be an angel so I think its a lot down to me as well.

Feedwise he is on quite a lot to put weight on him, but he is very chilled to school in terms of scary things and noises, just forward going!

The Dressage is a competition. I have been really looking forward to it with him and now after yesterday's episode I am starting to get nervous

[fth]

hi papershoes

first of lal well done for all the time and effort you have put in to your hrose and your relationship with him

it is quite normal to be unconfident when you have had a long time of not riding, and with a horse who is full of himself -- well, the feelings a bouncy horse send through your body can be similar to those of a horse about to be out of control, so our mind often confuses the two and gets us tense and then it just isn't fun

Give yourself a break -- and allow yourself to take the time it takes to rebild your trust and confidence in him --

the idea of using your confidence in ground work to help you is a great one -- ride out, when you feel unconfident, just get off and carry on doing things on the ground until you feel happy getting back on again -- this is a GREAT way to get more confident and still get out and about

getting some support is a good idea too - having someone ride out with you who you can trust to support you is helpful

good luck

Cathy

[holi]

First try and get some good help and don't beat yourself up. Can you walk him out in hand (but with a bridle or Dually) so he learns to listen to you not only in the school? I have one of these types - she can be a donkey in the school and on a mission going out! and have started walking her out today. Long reining out is also good but try and get someone who is good at it to help you.

Years ago when we had young horses we walked them for miles either in hand or long reining - OH usually holding horse and me walking down the middle of the road with tabard and waving traffic down - we didn't care. I don't know today that seems to have gone and we all have to get on and do it AND be perfect at it. Its the same that we all have to jump big jumps, do elementary plus dressage and almost go round Badminton and all on weekend hacking!!! Where have the days gone of 'have a go' clear round XC and SJ. Low key dressage that is fun? Even the RC teams are full of affiliated semi-professionals and don't get me on the Quadrille. Sorry folks off soapbax now and rant over!!

[jules26]

Hi Papershoes,

By the sounds of it, you did incredibly well to stick with him on your ride.
Congratulate yourself! He is obviously feeling 'well' and enjoying life. Hopefully the more he does the calmer he will become. I think it is a good idea (very reassuring) to have someone on foot with a lead rein at hand just in case.

Having an RA out is often recommended but tbh, finances do not always allow and may not be an option.

Could you take him to the Dressage and see how he reacts, maybe lunge him in a quiet corner if needs be? Have someone by you on the ground to hold him if necessary. If he is too excitable do not enter the competition, just have some time out without the pressure. There is always another day!

Good luck

[papershoes]

Thanks everyone

I took him out for a hack this afternoon, on our usual route as I was strapped for time and I thought he would be pretty chilled as it is familiar to him.

How wrong was I! He spent most of the hacking jogging and ignoring me, and I sat some sticky moments which I am proud of but in the end I got off and walked him back home as he was being so daft and I had to get home via a relatively busy road that I didn't trust him enough to ride on Normally he is a saint on this ride

[helenj]

Hi papershoes

I do think that feed may be an issue - you say that you are feeding him well to get some weight on, but maybe you could look at the specifics a bit. Stick as much as you can to forage rather than hard feed, but think of getting oil in for the calories, so micronised linseed, sunflower oil, Alfa oil chaff, something like Calm & Condition. Does he have free access to good hay / haylage?

I asked a question before about handling, and you replied:
On the ground I am very confident with him, expect for his rare moments when he starts to be strong and bolshy
This is kind of what I was getting at, about the trusted leader. When he gets strong and bolshy, he is asking those questions about who is leading, and that is starting to translate into your hacking, with the jogging and ignoring you.

If you are not able to get an RA out, then beg, steal or borrow a copy of Perfect Manners from someone and get the ground work really good. This will strenghten your bond, establish you as the leader and get him listening to you, build your trust in each other and your confidence about how each of you are going to react in given situations.

You are being really strong, keeping working at the boundaries with him, I just feel that a bit of extra support will put you onto a nice track more quickly than if you struggle on alone

[papershoes]

He gets adlib hay, and all his calories come from oil in his diet

I am lucky enough to have the PMs book and when we go through the exercises he is an angel. Its just under saddle it all goes to pot