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Post by cobsrule on Dec 10, 2011 15:18:33 GMT 1
i have been having lots of confidence issues with my boy, at first they were all ridden but now they have started to become on the ground as well, he isn't a naughty horse and i know he doesnt mean to, but he has started to intimidate me as my first horse turned out to bite and i was terrified of him that i didnt dare lead or even stand next to stable door
i just dont feel confident with him at all, only time is when my instructor is around, but i want a horse i can go get myself tack up and ride without worrying - is this stupid?
have any of you with lost confidence ever sold and got a horse more suited to your confidence levels? lots of people are saying don't give up but my confidence is a fragile thing due to other experiences and i just want to enjoy horses again
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Post by ladyndibs on Dec 10, 2011 19:13:53 GMT 1
Contact an RA, it's amzing the differance they can make, I know there can't make you confident but they can provide you with the tools so your confidence grows, unfortunately without some proper help it is likely to happen all over again with a new horse.
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Post by Mellymoo on Dec 10, 2011 19:34:50 GMT 1
I sold my first horse after losing confidence - we lost it in eachother. It took lisap to finally persuade me that it was the right thing to do, and I don't regret it for a second. I agree with ladyndibs, you have to work on your own confidence first otherwise it will just keep going wrong - with my first horse I had help from an RA which sorted out the ground stuff and the riding for a while, but my horse wasn't right for me nor me for him.
Now I have my horse of a lifetime, but I honestly would not have been able to cope with him had I not had help with my confidence on the ground first. Perhaps you could ride some other horses to help you build your confidence? I went pony trekking after I sold Hamish, which proved to me that it was the horse-rider combination instead of being wholly my confidence - randomly this has really helped me to grow in confidence.
Before you sell your current horse, get someone to come and work with you both to teach you techniques that will help you stay in control. I could only have sold once I knew I had tried everything to get our relationship to work. Best of luck xx
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Post by fth on Dec 12, 2011 10:51:56 GMT 1
I think this is one of the hardest decisions we ahve to make as horse owners -- is the horse we have the one we need to keep?
I love the fact that most of us on here are loyal to our equine partners and want to do our best by them -- but at the same time most of us on here are limited in time and money and got into having horses in the first place to ENJOY being with them!
I am currently working with a lovely lady who was, in my opinion, wrongly sold a young, very green horse as her first horse: over the 6 months she has had him he has gradually eroded her confidence -- first in riding, and now is ground manners are getting worse and worse she is losing the desire to even go a nd see him -- thats not wat having horses is supposed to be like!
anyhow, we had a long chat and we decided she had lots of options:
she could find a good home fo rhim with someone confident so he could develop, and she could spend more time learning about horses before buying another one
she could sell him and find another older horse to help her own learning
she could enlist consistent, ongoing support and work on herself so she and her current horse could develop together
now, this last option is by FAR the hardest: it will take a LOT of effort from her, some financial commitment to having coaching and support when needed -- and it will take longer for both of them....
she has chosen the third option as she has fallen head over heels for her horse and has the time to put into this process --
however, to reach this conlcusion, she had a few sessoins on handling him, so she is now confident on the ground again and that makes a huge difference....
so I guess my suggestion is get some support on the ground handling, and then think about which optoin is best for you given your life, your time and financial constraints -- and what you want in your horsy life
I chat to a lot of folk about this so feel free to pm if you want to talk things through!
good luck whatever you decide
xx
Cathy
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Post by iceberg on Dec 12, 2011 18:49:58 GMT 1
I sold my horse Blue after totally losing all confidence with him. I sold him to a friend who knew all about him and loved every bit of him for his wierd quirks! They are still together 5 years on, and tbh not for a moment do I regret selling him. We were totally wrong for each other, both on the ground and ridden and now I have Archie who I love dearly and although I do have ridden wobbles ( totally my fault) on the ground we are great.
So yes I would say find him the best home you can, and dont feel defeated, sometimes horses and people just arent suited. Good luck.xxxx
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Post by cobsrule on Dec 12, 2011 21:08:31 GMT 1
background: i was missold a horse (as my first horse) who ended up to be aggressive in the stable and put fear of god into me and i was too scared to even stroke him - 2 years ago, this is the route of my insecurities i believe, person i bought him from allowed me to swap for a ex racer, who was very sweet on the ground and helped to restore my faith in horses, i had no problems with him except i couldnt jump and he wasnt the best in traffic but i was confident riding him and did all i could with him flatwork wise, but my main passion was jumping so i sold him
current horse: 5yr old cob, got him at 4 a few months broken in and he was very good, i gave him winter off as yard had no facilities + was bad winter, and when he came out of winter he started napping, by turning round and cantering home, this did effect my confidence but i got over it and did well hacking him out and jumping at previous yard but have since been a buggar with me in the school when his horsey friend disappeared, he is welsh x cob(not a recommended confidence giver horse im told!)
dilemma: i think it is only going to get worse as he still has lots of growing up to do as i know they are late matuerers, he is type of horse that if you are not assertive he might take the pee, although i believe this is due to me getting nervous and he doesnt trust me to keep him safe - but still doesnt stop me from getting nervous! he is often quiet in the school and doesnt have any buck/rear in him- a lot of the time he is fine and looks a total dope on rope but its that 10% of when he isnt and i dont think i push him enough for him to actualy put a fight up, he needs to get used to traffic more as we are on a yard with roadwork hacks and i have no experience of getting horse used to traffic (he is ok with cars + vans but bigger traffic not keen on so i need to be lead out on the roads) i have had a groundwork lesson today and have had some riding lessons which have improved things, but i still get nervous, i can handle him fine on the ground now he is quite easy ,he used to tank off when being caught and could plant for britian but we have overcome this to, so i know i am not totally imcompetant, although i know i dont fully have his respect on ground he DOES behave a lot of the time, its just the times he doesnt, but tbh i dont put him in a situation he might not behave in i stick to the school, i only work part-time and dont really have the funds for lots of riding/groundwork sessions , he is not a nasty horse and behaves well for instructor so just makes me think he would be so much better off with an experienced person and me getting a been there done that type, our yard is starting to have summer shows next year and i would love to take part as part of being on the yard is doing stuff together, but i would just be fearful trying it with current horse , as a case of "what if" all the time when he should be getting exposed to everything
oh and i also worry about selling him, as obviously can't show him off properly and if people know have lost confidence then it would put them off/think they would get him for pennies! i ride and handle other horses on the yard with confidence
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Post by cookie on Dec 13, 2011 0:04:21 GMT 1
It sounds like you are not well suited. Any young horse horse needs a confident rider to provide them with the support and leadership to learn new things. He sounds a poppet, I believe his age is much more of a factor than his breed. No 4/5 year old is a confidence giver regardless of what the seller says.
You may well find it hard to find him a good home as it sounds like ge needs a bit of work. But the right home may well be out there waiting.
Sticking with him will, as fth says, be a long road and you ll need lots of good help. My first was rising 5, he's now 7 and we are still very much a work in progress.
Only you know where your heart lies. You mustn't feel guilty, you ll do right by him either way I'm sure.
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Post by cobsrule on Dec 13, 2011 1:02:34 GMT 1
yeah it would be worrying getting him the right home as lots of buyers seem ok when they come but i find they tend to put on a bit of a front, its such a shame as at previous yard he was coming along well hacking alone and company and generally being more pleasant to be around
does anyone have any ideas on how to describe him if i wrote an ad? as he does have a lot of good qualities but dont want to make him sound like a horror just because im not confident on him?
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Post by cobsrule on Dec 13, 2011 17:12:18 GMT 1
well i had a groundwork lesson with him yesterday she confirmed he doesnt respect me at all (i knew this already) and showed me loads of 'games' to do with him to get him out my space manners etc, he did lots of licking a chewing and sighing which it good im told?
today i took him in the round pen and practised some of these games and he was brill, we played one called the clock game where i stand in middle n get him to move him hindqaurters, originally with a schooling whip (not touch him just to point at with) and by end all it took was me to look at his hind end and he moved it
we also did lots of stop walk on stop backup as before he would stop but take a few steps so he ended in front of me, i did this on a long rope and by end he stopped as soon as i did a few steps away from me
i also got a video back from my EE lessons ive been having, he looks such a dope! calmly going wherever i ask him to..i have asked my instructor if she thinks we will be able to make it work and she said if i do groundwork during winter to make him respect me it will make me feel more confident in the saddle, a girl on the yard has also said she will help "spook bust" him in prep for hacking in the spring
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Post by Mellymoo on Dec 13, 2011 23:26:55 GMT 1
Sounds like you've made loads of progress already - well done  Just keep going with it all, and see how you feel in the spring. |
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Post by fth on Dec 14, 2011 18:27:04 GMT 1
this sounds like a good plan! Just what the lady I am working with has decided to do -- groundwork to develop the right relationship during the witner then in the spring start riding again with support!
Cathy
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Post by cobsrule on Dec 14, 2011 18:45:08 GMT 1
a woman on the yard with the most 3 'bombproof' horses was telling me where she got hers from, a friend of theirs who has a local-ish trekking centre and his wife is a riding instructor, they had a horse who was too much for them, and he allowed them to swap for one of his horses on the trekking yard (think he gets them, puts them in trekking centre to get them good at hacking etc + wife to school them on abit then either they get used at trekking centre or find new home) so she said this option was always available to me if i do feel overwhelmed come spring so this is nice to know as it will mean a good home for him and takes a bit of pressure off me so i can work with him and then re-assess in the spring or sooner if things dont go well
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Post by cookie on Dec 14, 2011 20:18:26 GMT 1
Sounds like a good plan. Re the 'spook busting'. No offence meant but make sure you have someone who can really explain advance and retreat to you so that you are always working most efectively. Or get one of Kellys DVDs |
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Post by ladyndibs on Dec 14, 2011 23:22:24 GMT 1
Sounds as though you've made huge progress, both of you. If in the future you still decide to sell you will in a much better postion as your confidence will have grown and learned some really useful techniques.
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Post by cobsrule on Dec 19, 2011 0:02:23 GMT 1
if i do decide to sell, can anyone offer me any advice on where to advertise/how to describe him and my situation without people taking advantage of it and offering me silly money? i wouldn't describe him as a project really...as an ordinary experienced rider would find him immense fun, he just isnt suited to a nervy rider.
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Just keep going with it all, and see how you feel in the spring.