New and looking for some support and encouragement

[roanmare]

I'm new to the forum and thought I'd take the time to introduce myself and ask for your much needed support with some confidence issues.
I started riding as an adult after being unable to as a child and 4 years ago finally got my own pony, a Welsh Section D with a mind of her own very typical of the breed.
It was an uphill journey for us to begin with. She came to me some behavioural problems after being mistreated in the past but with the help of Kelly's books we bonded and started to work as an effective partnership, doing some dressage and local showing as well as just chilling together and having fun. Just over 12 months ago when I was pregnant with my daughter I found myself unable to ride and I took on a sharer to help me out and keep my girl fit. My sharer has been great with my girl and I've decided to keep her on long term to allow me to spend more time with my daughter and make sure my pony doesn't lose out on attention.
It took me a while to start riding again after having my baby as I had an emergency c section and wasn't fit enough for a good six months.
Problem is I've found now I an able to ride I've lost my confidence, perhaps because there is more to lose with a young baby and partly because it's just been so long.
I am hoping this forum will help me to get my mojo back and bond again with my mare.
Thanks for reading. I look forward to talking with you all.

I started riding

[roanmare]

**please ignore 'I started riding again' at the end of my post. I'm on my phone and I just can't edit it out**

[jen526]

Hi roanmare and welcome

Purely on a personal note, having children does (or did for me) change things. When I think of what I used to get up to out riding before, without a care in the world, I was invincible, then I had children!

To begin with, I would take the pressure off. You could do some groundwork, take your mare out for walks in hand to re-build the relationship, and also trust - its a two way thing. When you have built your trust in her you will be more able to ride her, and make it easy for yourself, have some one go with you, wear a body protector (it helps the "safe" feeling), part walk, part ride and build it up at your speed. Chat with her and smile when you are with her, enjoy her company

[Mellymoo]

Hello and welcome :-) Your confidence will come back, just do what you feel comfortable with. The trick is to ignore what you or others 'think' you should be doing, just do what you want to do. If that is hugging your horse that's fine, if it's leaping on board and having a good old gallop, that's fine too!

[madmadammimm]

Hello Roanmare
I too am new to posting messages. I also have a Welsh Sec.D of 33yrs young plus a Sec.C of about 8yrs. I have teenage children and yes I have lost my confidence. I think that stemmed from a period of depression I went through, but I have come out the other end determined not to allow myself to go through that again. I now approach things differently. I can now ask for help not just with horses but with different aspects of life. Hence I have managed to find a lovely lady near to were I live who teaches the same principles as Intelligent Horsemanship at her stables. I am learning how to interact and handle horses properly (light bulb moment). This is so now I can progress with my 8 yr old chap. She is also going to teach me Western riding starting next week. I am also having to get myself fit for riding again. For me also its that feeling of not being in control and not having the muscle power there as I used to when I was younger. (That makes me sound really old). Do you know of someone with patience and understanding with quiet horses that could give you a few lessons again or if they could teach you on yours. You need to go at your own pace until you feel ready for the next step. It might come sooner then you think. I think it also helps if you have someone with you. Don't keep your fears to yourself talk them through. I would put myself at the bottom of my ladder at the moment but am hoping to move up a rung or two soon. Lots of luck to you.

[roanmare]

Thank you all for your welcomes and for your advice

I think it's really true that I need to take the pressure off myself and just enjoy being with her instead of stressing myself out with what I think I should be doing. I have been putting myself under so much pressure. I am aware that my sharer does so many fun things (she loves nothing better than hooning around the cross country course) and I know people on the yard talk about why I don't do anything like that and rarely ride at all. I know I shouldn't care what people think but it strikes a nerve because for a while I've started to think that my pony prefers to be with my sharer as she does so many more fun things with her than I do.
We are moving to a new yard this weekend (reasons completely unrelated to this) and I want to make it a new start for my relationship with my mare which is one of the reasons I decided to post on here now.
Thanks again for your support. It's great to know you're not alone, especially when I wasn't a nervous rider before my pregnancy and I haven't had a bad horsey experience to change things.

[sarahlev]

Hi roanmare (and madmadammimm)
I've no advice to add to what's been said, just wanted to say hi and welcome.

[roanmare]

Thanks SarahLev

[madmadammimm]

Roanmare: Hope all goes well at the weekend, new place, new beginnings.

SarahLev: Nice to meet you too!

[roanmare]

Thankyou thats definitely what I'm hoping for

[roanmare]

I had a lovely few hours with my pony this evening.

I worked my mare on the lunge (which is within my comfort zone) and then gave her a good groom and lots of cuddles.

I had a great time and she seemed happy to be in my company too. It's amazing how things can change when you take the pressure off yourself

[outoftheblue]

Hi - Glad to hear things are going better. I gave up riding when my old boy retired (about ten years ago) but on a whim bought a totally wild cob last year! I am sixty and riddled with arthritis and the best thing to help me getting back to riding was to get more fit. I still have more to go but being fit helps you feel more in control when riding. Luckily, Bluey has settled down now and is easy to ride! and has learned to stand still when I get on!! Keep on going. Dont do anything which you dont want to do and get as fit as you can and it ill all come back.

[roanmare]

Thanks outoftheblue. It's great news that you're doing so well with your new boy, completely inspirational

You're right I do need to improve my fitness in general. I let myself get out of shape during my pregnancy and after my csection.

Great to read about how everyone is doing with their battles with confidence. Thank you all for sharing

[mc]

Hi- It is very hard to share a horse with any one and keeping it at a yard must be doubly so as it is so easy to feel left out or under the spotlight especially after a break- but just think there is a new little person to teach to ride soon! So you could be walking miles besides them or leading them in a few years off of yours because with all the experiance it is getting between you and your sharer it will be nice and steady by then and in trim not having been turned out and let go- take your time you will get there.

[roanmare]

Thank you MC.
Everything started well at the new yard but I haven't been able to get on and ride due to a non-riding related accident so I'm feeling like my confidence has slipped again.
My plans for now are to forget riding and just enjoy spending time with my mare again. I feel that I need to try and rebuild our relationship again as she definitely seems to have more of a bond with my sharer these days.
This is unsurprising as my sharer has been doing so much more with her. While I'm feeling a bit down about it in a way I'm glad that she's been able to have that bond with someone whilst I've been preoccupied with my daughter and/or physically unable to work with her.