HelenG
Intermediate Poster
Posts: 231
|
Post by HelenG on Sept 15, 2011 23:58:27 GMT 1
I've had jinksy for just under 2 years and i'd thought by this point he would be my best friend, whicker at me when i come round the corner, come to me in the field and we'd have a great partnership. But he just seems to be away with the fairies, either completely focused on getting back to his stable for hay or just switches off and falls asleep. I'm not feeling the love Don't get me wrong i love the chilled out jinks because at the start of the year i was thinking of selling him because he was too much for me as a first horse. He's a changed horse now though, love him to bits. Just wish he'd show a little bit of aknowledgement and share the love. Anyone have any ideas how we can connect more? i can't do join up as we don't have a round pen and he jumps out of the menage. I'd also like to learn how to do it properly so he doesn't get confused. So can anybody reccomend me someone who could come and help us out. I'm in the cheshire area.
|
|
|
Post by lizpurlo on Sept 16, 2011 12:02:11 GMT 1
Well, it sounds as if you and he have come a very long way, and you look from your pics like a good combination, which is a great start!
I don't have a round pen either, or a manege, so I just do groundwork exercises in the farmyard when the tractors aren't around! The exercises in Perfect Manners are brilliant, I use them with my boys, and they're really effective for connection and focus for me and cob. I did a join up for the first and only time in 1998, and it was great, but I haven't done one since as I haven't any facilities.
You'd find a session with an RA incredibly useful - I had Ann-Marie Marek over twice to help me with my youngster and it was such an inspiration and gave me several 'light bulb' moments! Not sure who the closest one to you would be, have a look on the main IH site - there's a list of them there. Good luck, and don't despair!
|
|
|
Post by antares on Sept 16, 2011 12:08:44 GMT 1
aww - well some horses are just more affectionate than others.
One of my boys is over to see me as soon as I get to the field - the other just ignores me totally and even if I go over he isn't really bothered whether I'm there or not. I've had this boy for 6 years lol I suppose they're all different, at least he's not mugging you and stepping all over you!!
If it really bothers you though then groundwork can help, I don't think you absolutely have to do join up, just some simple exercises where you are increasing your bond may help you
|
|
|
Post by jill on Sept 16, 2011 14:54:52 GMT 1
What does Jinksy think? What is he telling you? Maybe it is that he is happy to see you as his leader but doesn't do friends with a member of another species? Or that you are his meal ticket and that is it? Or that he is happy to spend time with you but not every time you show up - after all, if he was wanting you to be around all the time he would be disappointed for a large part of the day, and maybe he would rather have time with those who are around 24/7 i.e. his field mates. All you can really ask is that they follow your lead - if they want to be friends, fine, but lots don't really.
|
|
|
Post by BJMM on Sept 16, 2011 18:30:08 GMT 1
I used to worry about this a lot with Blaze, as I love her to bits and she really didn't seem to be that bothered about me. I've had her for 6 years. Whereas my baby, Jasmine is very affectionate and cuddly and will stand for ages grooming me while I scratch her, Blaze will turn her face away and HATES being kissed! Now I know it's just her personality. She does think a lot of me, but shows it in her own funny way. She's just not a touchy feely horse! And since I have stopped trying to MAKE her cuddly, we have grown much closer. I'm sure you will find the same with Jinksy xx
|
|
|
Post by Mellymoo on Sept 16, 2011 20:31:07 GMT 1
Jos isn't particularly affectionate with me, unless he is feeling nervous and so wants some comfort. At home, unless I have a bucket in my hand he is not that interested in me at all! He rarely whinnies at me, and will sometimes deign to walk over to me in the field (Not often though!). I don't feel that this makes our relationship any less though - I know he likes me, and is happy to go out on rides and to be caught. I'm actually glad he's not dependent on me at home, as I would feel guilty leaving him if he stood at the gate neighing at me!
|
|
HelenG
Intermediate Poster
Posts: 231
|
Post by HelenG on Sept 16, 2011 22:22:27 GMT 1
i think he is happy and very content it's just that i see other people with their horses who only go down once a night for 30mins to feed them by the field and they have such great bonds with their horse. I am always down the yard doing something, poo picking the field whilst he's in there, grooming him, riding or even reading in his stable. Maybe i am trying to hard and i'm around him too much. Maybe to others we do look like we have a bond and i just can't see it. hmmm...
He picked up and dropped one of his over reach boots in his water bucket today because he wanted some attention. Maybe that's a sign.
|
|
gillmcg
Grand Prix Poster
Olympic Poster
Posts: 1,948
|
Post by gillmcg on Sept 20, 2011 13:48:49 GMT 1
This may sound a bit harsh but have you thought about getting a dog? I think you're expecting too much of your horse.
My TB is very human-oriented ('cuddly') but sadly that's because he wasn't able to form herd relationships at a young age and isn't 100% horse. It feels 'wrong' to me and even other horses treat him as if he's got a bit missing! ;D My Arab cross on the other hand is less 'human'/dog-like - he's confident, self-assured and is fully 'a horse' which I feel so much happier with. Sometimes he'll seek out my company but it's generally if he has an itch or he thinks there might be food in the offing. I have no idea if he 'loves' me or not but as long as he respects my personal space and follows my lead I don't have a problem with that.
|
|
gillmcg
Grand Prix Poster
Olympic Poster
Posts: 1,948
|
Post by gillmcg on Sept 20, 2011 13:50:56 GMT 1
i think he is happy and very content it's just that i see other people with their horses who only go down once a night for 30mins to feed them by the field and they have such great bonds with their horse. What does that look like? I don't understand how you can see such a bond when someone is just feeding their horse by the field......
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2011 14:13:06 GMT 1
i think he is happy and very content it's just that i see other people with their horses who only go down once a night for 30mins to feed them by the field and they have such great bonds with their horse. . That's not a bond, it's a horse pleased to see a feed bucket arrive! Mine all come to the gate when I arrive in the morning and whicker... to their feed bucket. In the evening when I turn up without food they'll give me a hello sniff when I approach them but show far less interest and don't come to see me in favour of grass Yet I know Talin and I have a bond because he will lie down next to me, let me pick his feet out while he's lying down, fall alseep in my company etc, those are all mahoosive signs of trust. I am always down the yard doing something, poo picking the field whilst he's in there, grooming him, riding or even reading in his stable. . And by doing that you've made your horse totally comfortable in your company, which is great.
|
|
|
Post by laurac on Sept 20, 2011 15:08:19 GMT 1
As has been said all horses are different, my old loan mare was calling to me from day one when i arrived (or rather the feed bucket arrived ) whereas my gelding has only called to me around 3 times in the 4 yrs ive owned him and its only recently he has been hanging around me when i dont have any food just his dually & longling stuff with me for a bit of work (He used to be terrified of being caught the site of a headcollar would send him off in a frenzy) Maybe your horse is just very relaxed around you and accepts you as his leader / safe companion who he trusts ...and maybe the people you know whose horses are all over them its just because they have their pockets stuffed full of treats ! (my dogs and lots of other dog walkers dogs i see in the morning all head off to 2 ladies in the park and sit next to them wagging their tails because these 2 ladies feed all the local dogs treats all the time and their pockets are full of lumps of cheese !
|
|
|
Post by tomrabbit on Sept 20, 2011 23:35:12 GMT 1
I know just what you mean. I used to beat myself up big time because my pone didn't love me. Before him I loaned a mare who would stand for hours while you cuddled her, but my boy just can't be bothered with all that soppy stuff, and invariably pulls his head away. So I've developed a system to kid myself, and it works just great! When I go down in the morning, he whickers to me from his stable. Now I know that actually this means 'What the *#£% took you so long, I'm starving', but I've convinced myself that it means 'mummy I'm so pleased to see you, and this has nothing whatsoever to do with food'. Then when I go into the field and he follows me around with his nose glued to me, that is clearly because he loves me and sees me as a worthy leader, and not becuase I usually have sunflower seeds somewhere about my person When he is standing at the gate as I make his bed, that of course has nothing to do with the fact that he's eaten all his hay, and has high hopes of a new net in his stable, but is due to him wanting to be near me. Do you get the idea? ;D Look at this picture... That's my pony showing me how much he loves me (and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact I spent a few nights teaching him the 'kiss' command with appropriate reward...) Not all horses do cuddly, but I don't think that means that they don't feel a bond with you. My pony is confident, and not at all needy, that's just the way he is, and your boy is possibly the same. My daughter's horse is cuddly, but he is also anxious and needy, and looks to her for comfort. I recommend you start the 'kid yourself' system that I use!
|
|
HelenG
Intermediate Poster
Posts: 231
|
Post by HelenG on Sept 21, 2011 0:24:33 GMT 1
Yes i am excpecting wayyyy too much out of him, on a weekly basis i have to keep reminding myself lol I hope he sees me as a sort of leader and somebody that he can trust. He doesn't see me as a food ticket, i think lol. And i'm sure he thinks i'm crazy! I quite often talk to him when riding (nobody can hear me ) so i'll have to have a natter with him tommorow in the stable to see if we can figure something out i'll definately think of things from a different way and kid myself . After 2 years i'm still figuring him out and i'm sure i'll never understand him completely
|
|
|
Post by flutterbye on Sept 25, 2011 0:41:07 GMT 1
Mine all love the spendid scratches they get from me. Every day they all get a good scratching session on the forehead, neck or whithers.
They think I am wonderful....well the scratching of itchy bits anyway! ;D
|
|
|
Post by sarahlev on Sept 25, 2011 7:23:18 GMT 1
Helen, I sympathise. After 6 years Pascal still doesn't do much more than tolerate me I think. I used to get upset about it, but I am learning to accept that he is just not a cuddly horse and to enjoy the times when he does appreciate a little scratch.
|
|