another wibbler!

[caroline23]

ever since buying my own horse my confidence has gone downhill. first horse was off a friends yard which ended up kicking and biting so was swapped for 2nd horse, an ex racer who i did well schooling with however couldnt jump due to old racing injury so was rehomed and i got my third, a 5 year old cob

although i have come a long way in the year i have had him, i still find myself feeling useless and like i cant do anything. he used to nap and canter home at old yard and be a buggar on the ground (no respect/running off/bolshy) however i cracked this and have a good bond with him on ground but since moving yards my hacking fears have came back, i wont go out on my own and there are very few people to ride with so its pretty much schooling where he is ok.

however i just feel as if he should be doing so much more, i would love to do mini sj local comps, pleasure rides etc not competing just for fun, but i feel as if i will never get there due to my fear + pony needing bringing on. the few horsey friends i have are at different yards so i am on my own pretty much at my yard although they are nice people. sometimes feel as if i should sell up i dont feel as if id had much luck so far, i always had the more complicated horses at my loan yard before i bought my own, but ever since it just seems to of gone downhill!

sorry for the moan/long post!!

[Mellymoo]

Hi

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking "I can't" - it is hard to be positive about things when you feel down about it, but you have to change how you think. Even if you lie to yourself initially, eventually you end up believing what you tell yourself (that is why we all think "I can't"!), so you have to tell yourself that you can do something. Start with something simple like "I can mount my horse and ride out the yard for 5 minutes and come back". Once you can do this, increase the length of time you're out. Also, imagine how good it will feel to be out on a pleasure ride or at a show with your boy - play a video in your head of how you want it to be. If anything negative pops in there, rewind and make it all positive.

Speaking as someone who was scared to sit on a horse two years ago, and is now contemplating going hunting later on this year (Yes I am a bit mad ;D), these methods have worked for me. I am still a little nervous about hacking out on my own - I know Jos is fine and will happily potter off, but I still worry a little bit. I always think of 'hacking on my own' as being me and Jos out together, so we are not on our own we have eachother. This thought is what has allowed me to ride out solo at all, and it really works! You could also lead your boy out, then mount up and ride home.

Good luck - you will get there. You could also put up some adverts locally for a riding partner - perhaps someone who keeps their horse nearby would also like a riding buddy.

[caroline23]

thanks yeah i will try that, today i went to a friends yard for a hack on her confidence giver and it was brilliant i was nervous at first then i started relaxing and really enjoying it, i even had a trot and went on a 60mph road! although was a slight shame as a year before i took my cob this route and didnt have a problem

i think it is since the napping i have stuck to doing safe things, and now it feels as if he doesnt listen to the bit (he is in a french link currently) but he ignores it out hacking so am trying to find something he will respect as he is more forward out hacking, any ideas?

[Mellymoo]

I was bolted with years ago, so I know exactly how you feel! I use a kimblewick on my fjord with no brakes - it really helps. He has a snaffle for most jobs, but he does tend to get excited and tank - the kimblewick reminds him that I am there too!

You will get over your worries, it just takes time. Make yourself feel as safe as possible - I now have a body protector, which really makes me feel safer. It's all in my mind, but it does help. Also, how about a balance strap on your saddle? I have a flash strap threaded through my saddle d's, and although I haven't used it (yet ;D) I know it's there.

[caroline23]

yeah ive been looking into a kimblewick for hacking so i have the reassurance of it something does happen, i can control it and he will realise he has to respect the bit instead of ignoring it , what type of kimblewick do you use? im also looking into a waterford as he sometimes leans, although im not sure which is best for breaks

i never ride without my BP now, it is like my comfort blanket! although ive never had a nasty fall, he has a thick mane i can hang on to if things go awol, but even when he did take off, i didnt feel uncomfortable as such as he has a very smooth comfortable canter which, had he not been nicking off, i would of enjoyed! so at least the speed isnt as scary as it would be on say a tb and i know he will stop fairly shortly, he seems to run then slow, it is more frustrating that i cannot take him out and that his first reaction is to run rather than trust me as i know it is my nerves that make him on edge on first place! also that i had hacked him fine beforehand, but then he had winter off. ive found the more i ride the better i become, but if i have a few days off the thoughts creep back into my mind

[helenj]

Hi Caroline
Well done you for persisting so far, so how to keep that up? Its very easy to get obsessed with the difficulties when you are feeling unconfident about something, the trick is not to focus just on them. So here are a couple of things I use with people when I am training in work situations.

As you go to sleep at night, think of one very simple thing that you do really well and really enjoy with your boy - and smile about it. Do it every night with something different.

When you are having the "..what if this happens.." thoughts, think of other possibilitie, starting with something a little less scary than your worse case scenario, and keep going less and less scary until you are at a scenario that is still pushing your boundaries a bit, but feels manageable. As you said, some of the issue for your horse is the anxiety he's picking up from you. If you can give him "a bit out there but manageable" rather than "the end of the world is nigh", you should be able to create some positive experiences to build on.

In terms of more practical stuff, do you have anyone that can walk or cycle with you if finding other riders is difficult? I would suggest, if you can, riding loops out from your yard in walk, so that you don't get the excitement of an out and back or the excitement of going faster.

In terms of brakes, don't just consider a stronger bit, look also at the style of bit and whole bridle set up, so are you optimising poll and nose pressure as well. You might also want to consider some lessons working on things like your balance and seat to ensure that you get maximum stopping aid from them.

I hope that you can keep going with your boy - best of luck

[narkymare]

all excellent replies above but ive a couple more
Could you ask a yardmate to take your horse out to get him reused ot hacking, then take you out - you riding your horse her riding hers?
In return you could offer to muck out, turn her horse in or out?
My yard mates did this with me and the results have been amazing. For my yardmate to bring my boy back and say how good he has been - priceless. Then when i was ready i rode my boy out with her on her horse - sh eknew my boy so gave me tips all the way and really looked after us.
also rescue balms remedy and kalmers tablets helped me
Plus lots of hi viz as mentioned in my other post.
Dont give up!!! It can be done and when you do get your confidence back you will be buzzing!!!xxx

[fth]

some great ideas here -- ALL of them will be helpful!

and it is not unusual for changes to stire up confidence issues -- new yards, new people -- even things on other parts of our lives can ALL cause confidence issues to bubble up to the surface

one thing to think about is that it is often useful to tackle the CONFIDENCE issues head on -- ie do some workshops on confidence, with or without your horse -- then when there are changes in the future, your confidence will STAY with you and not change -- how cool would that be?

anyhow -- you WILL overcome this, and the advice on here will all help

all the best

Cathy

[caroline23]

just a little update, i found someone on the yard with a great "nanny" horse for me and my boy to go out with and have so far been out twice and cantered lots both times and second hack i even jumped a few logs, they look after both me and him very well, no pressure, which is good as it is me pushing myself to do it not someone pressuring me, which is making me want to do more, i still get a bit tense if something surprises me but it is getting a lot better although my cob now finds hacking very exciting and sometimes forgets to stop as quickly as i liked haha but ive learnt to go with it and have fun rather than worrying all the time

[Mellymoo]

Brilliant ;D

So pleased you are starting to enjoy riding again. It will get better and better. Keep us all updated xx

[caroline23]

such a shame, just found out the people i went out with as a "nanny" are moving yards, so it will be back to me riding on my own again

[Mellymoo]

Oh that's a shame. Where are you? Perhaps someone on here is close to you?