zero confidence!

[calla19]

Hi, this is the first time I've ever posted on this forum, and I worry I'm going to be rather self indulgent and have a bit of a feeling-sorry-for-myself ramble. I'm 20, and I have been riding on and off since I was little. I had quite a large break and got back into it about 5 years ago. I have since been a novice rider, and I was lucky enough to get my first horse 3 years ago. The summer before last we had an amazing time having regular riding lessons, and just pootling around in the school and practising in any spare time I got. My riding came on in leaps and bounds, but I had a nasty fall one time jumping, and ever since then my confidence has shattered. I'm so nervous everytime I ride, and it makes me feel so inadequate. My horse is lovely, he is a 13 year old connemara x tb and he really is the perfect gentleman, he is ever so gentle and sweet, he is great in every way, however he is a bit spooky and can be nappy when ridden. my mum rides him quite regularly and she said that he is very forward going and spooky at the moment and this makes me worry about when I do want to ride him. :/ This is nothing for most people but I have little self confidence. Anyway, I have lost all my confidence, and I find that I now ride very defensively (when I do ride, and this probably doesn't help) and find myself avoiding wanting to ride all together. I just find it hard to relax on him because he can be so jumpy at things, and although when I was riding regularly that summer I got used to his jinks, now I find they scare me more. I love to spend time with him but I really would like to ride him more obviously, and I always feel so inadequate and useless, especially as I have friends who ride and compete at such high levels and I feel I look a total fraud. I know its all very silly, and it's not about what others think it should be about me and my horse but I wish that I could be more confident and 'gung-ho' like others I know, but I feel like I really can't! my nerves always get in the way ): I can't remember the last time I rode him solidly without feeling ever so on edge, and I know this doesn't help him obviously as he can feel me being uptight when on him. I do a few little local shows with him because he is so so good and we have a lovely time, but I only ever enter the in-hand classes with him because I just cannot face getting on him, even though there's nothing really wrong with him that I couldn't have handled before! (the odd spook etc) and it makes me feel so rubbish. The yard where I am currently has tonnes of lovely hacking which I am grateful for, but no school, and the area designated for schooling can be very uneven and makes me even more nervous, or I would try and practice in there to build my confidence up. I feel like I'm never going to be able to get my confidence back up to what it was before, and its really getting me down! I just want to feel like an efficient horsey person (how silly does that sound) for once!! I apologise for this long rambling but I just don't know what to do! I have returned from my first year at uni home for the summer, and I hope to work on and really get back into my riding as I have around 3/4 months off. I just wondered if there were any tips out there for confidence building between him and I, because I have felt like giving up !
Thanks for reading this long and moany post!


K x

[rie1]

Hi calla19,please dont apologise its better to get it off your chest! You have definatly come to the right place there are so many good people on here.I understand the "fraud" part,as i still feel like that alot of the time.....and ive never been too a show in my life.....so your one step ahead already! ;D.As for the confidence,i cannot recommend kelly marks "perfect confidence" enough.....it really does work!! And with the help of people on here my confidence is slooowly improving! ;D As an example that it works.....had a great hack out on friday....then came off mid-gallop as horse swerved(away from the evil horse eating wavy grass ).I then got back on :osomething that was unheard of a year ago! The horse i have on loan is TB X and also quite spooky,i find that by releasing contact slighty is better than tightening it,singing is another great thing i was advised to do.It takes alot of time and patience,ups and downs but is sooo worth it the first time something happens and you laugh about it,instead of crying.I also do in hand work which seems to build confidence in both of us.Im sure there are others on here who will be better experienced to help,i just wanted you to know that you are not alone, so please do not give up, you will get there

Rie x

P.S You're allowed to have a self indulgent,feeling sorry for yourself ramble.....i do everyday!LOL ;D ;D

[fth]

first of all well done for writing about it -- SHARING is a great thing with confidence issues as just knowing you are not alone makes a HUGE difference!!!

there are lots of folk on here who have been on the same journey so you will get a lot of support

also there ARE people (like me, and many others) who actually work with people to help them rebuild confidence, so you also have that option --
so chat with people here first and have a think what would work best for you -- you have taken the first step to being confident by posting here -- well done!

Cathy

[Boo's Monkey]

Hey Calla19, good to hear from you. I too, am a newbie to the forum and can vouch for the fact that it is a lovely supportive place. I am also very much a newbie in riding. I re-started riding 2 years ago after a fall over 25 years previously.

There is nothing wrong with nerves - they are a survival instinct and whilst I too think it would be lovely to be fearless, I think sometimes "gung-ho" is incompatible with survival, so be proud, you are a survivor!

The problem is when fear is out of proportion to the risk. The pressure you are feeling is from yourself (I am sure no-one is telling you what you "ought" to be able to do!) Be kind to yourself. Get some tuition, help and support and start over - right back to baasics - lead rein, if you have to, making sure you maximise your chance of success. It'll only take a few good sessions and all your former confidence will flood back!

Trust me, I am one of the nerviest riders (old, creaky and quite anti-pain!) but at the moment, I feel fine because I had one successful schooling session and one good hack. No doubt, I'll be on here again soon calling for help - and you will be one of the confident ones helping me through, I hope!

I second the re-reading of Kelly's Perfect Confidence book and also singing! I tried singing Rumer's "Slow" to my lad yesterday. Not sure he slowed down because of the song, or just in amazement at the noise from me - but it kept me happy! Good luck and let us know of your success! xxx

[wabuska]

Well, you could be describing my horse Calla, and I am the World's greatest wimp. Being spooky isn't that enormous a problem and I'll bet that horse does little more than look or a very slight bound to the side. The KEY thing I found was developing my seat to be secure and independant. It's amazing how you'll feel when you are not worried about falling off if he has a moment.

I don't do falling off... end of. Five years back riding, and not one fall. Ear grabs, on the neck, lost stirrups, but no falls. My lower leg is wrapped around my horse and I'm safe as houses.

Trust me, you'll learn to laugh when he does it. Try to put his foibbles out of your head and concentrate on this strengths. He needs you to show leadership and with that bit of a chest puff, you'll have a different horse on your hands. Trust me. I really do know this type. Long, long walking hacks. Walk out for a year if you have to. Great advice above. Take the pressure off both of you (and don't listen too hard to the nay-sayers). X

[calla19]

Thanks so much everybody for all your understanding and helpful messages it really is so great to hear that I have not been alone in this situation! I found I used to laugh off the jinks before I had my fall, and I really really hope to get back to doing so ! haha. He can have pretty big spooks, the last time I rode him he saw a tent on the yard and he literally fell onto his knees, and was concerned I'd have to start riding him out in knee protectors :/ I totally agree with you Kanga that I need to act like the leader and show him leadership, because he is totally confident with me on the ground, but much less so with a rider on his back. I shall remember that when I am next on him I am going to definitely have a read of Kelly's Perfect Confidence! thanks to everybody for being so encouraging and giving us such great advice above and I am definitely going to keep everybody posted on how we get on,

K and Callum x

[wabuska]

Well, I nearly sold my horse and then realised that I had to reach into myself and give him what he needed so that he could do his job for me. It's hard, hard work, but it has to be done. X

[annmarieb]

you've described how i feel at the moment , have u ever tried PAX spray and rescue remedy mouth spray both work really well.

Hope thing pick up for you x x

[dianen]

I am there so often......

Kalms, and Bach rescue remedy

I am also trying to make sure I don't pigeon-hole how I see him. This is my horse.....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz3yAo6tabI

Makes me laugh at him every time and I just say "Come on Margaret" (name of the character).

Not sure if the link works - but cut and paste if not....def worth it!

[outoftheblue]

I watched this and couldn't quite work it out!!! Am I being thick or are you saying your horses jumps at nothing? I would be interested to know what you are thinking. I am sure my grandaughter thinks her - very lively but actually sensible - pony is like that!!