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Post by sarahlev on Dec 29, 2010 8:41:51 GMT 1
Following on from Holi's "Dear Kelly" thread and the ambitions for 2011 thread. In 2011 I want to get back into doing more with the horses, eventually getting back to riding. At the moment I really only groom them a bit, and that not every day. They're out 24/7 so I don't "need" to do much with them. They're healthy and happy as field ornaments but I'm getting frustrated and fed up with myself because I have 2 lovely, safe, sensible horses and do nothing with them. It's not lack of confidence in the sense that I am worried about being hurt. It's the feeling that I am not good enough - I can't do anything perfectly so it's best I don't do anything at all. I know this is garbage but it still holds me back, in many areas of my life, not just horses and riding. I just put up obstacles for myself all the time and don't push myself enough So, the request.... Would anyone like/be willing to have a regular contact via the DG, pm or e-mail where we support and encourage each other in things horsey or otherwise, maybe using questions in the way Kelly described in the "Dear Kelly" thread? I know I should be able to just post on here but sometimes I feel my concerns are so pathetic I'm too embarrassed to go public thanks for reading
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Post by gordo on Dec 29, 2010 13:33:33 GMT 1
sarah, may be put this on the general board as more traffic on there and I am sure you will get confidence penpals to support you xx
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Post by treacletart on Dec 29, 2010 14:19:02 GMT 1
Where ever you start a thread I willl suport you. Whats 'perfect'? Put a post it note on your bathroom mirror saying something like 'I AM good enough' and read it out loud. xx mta your concerns are as valid as anyone elses, dont worry- we all have them.
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Post by jamesb on Dec 29, 2010 16:00:09 GMT 1
I know I should be able to just post on here but sometimes I feel my concerns are so pathetic I'm too embarrassed to go public You and me both! Not a question, but a thought…… If you live your life according to 'should', you will be eternally disappointed. What is, is what matters.
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Post by holi on Dec 29, 2010 16:05:53 GMT 1
Sarah have just read this - its me all the way which is why I lost my confidence and am in the place I am now. I'm happy to go with this thread anywhere - use the dearkelly or start a new one but we must try and put it on one thread so as not to dilute it or go off track as can happen on boards - just point the way.
And girl make 2011 the year we all go forward in all areas and yes feeling a failure in work or whatever does spill over into all areas as you measure yourself up against what you think you should be or what you think others judge you as rather than taking what you are yourself. But as kelly would ask - does this say more about your views on others as I know that I was too critical of others as well as myself (long term hang over from a very critical mother!)
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Post by sarahlev on Dec 30, 2010 12:40:42 GMT 1
Thanks for the replies. Can't write much today as we're on solar power only and the sun's not shining today. (We've had a bit of rain though hooray!) But I will think more about where to start.
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Post by Dragonmaster on Dec 30, 2010 20:41:04 GMT 1
Hi Sarah, Break up things you want to do into very small steps. Set small, achievable goals - just like you do when training a horse. Set yourself up for success by making each little goal achievable. I have pm'd you as well.
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Post by Dragonmaster on Dec 30, 2010 21:08:48 GMT 1
Many people do not truly love themselves. We are often brought up to believe it is not good to love oneself, that is selfish. We have to differentiate between 'selfish' = wanting one's own ends to the exclusion of all others and 'self love' = truly appreciating and and being confident in oneself and the person one is. How many of us, as children, were told by a parent or teacher something on the lines of 'if you don't do such and such you will not succeed in life / amount to much / be any good.' ? These elders did not mean to undermine our self confidence, that is they way they thought they would encourage us to do well. We must not blame our parents, they were doing the best they knew how. But if we look back and realise that we did get those sorts of comments made as we grew up, we can consider how those comments created the beliefs we have about ourselves. These are journeys of self discovery each of us needs to make for him/herself, as each of us will have had different experiences and have been affected in different ways by those experiences. Once we have evaluated what beliefs that we now hold were formed from things we were told as children we can then decide how well those beliefs serve us. For example if you grew up believing that fire is hot and will burn you if you touch it - then that is a belief that serves you well. If you were brought up with particular religious beliefs maybe you need to look at those beliefs in the light of your adult experience and knowledge and see if those beliefs still suit you. They may, they may not. You need to make your adult decision. If you grew up believing 'we will always be poor'; 'rich people are bad'; 'I'm not good enough.'; 'I have poor health'; or any other negative belief - how well does that belief serve you now? A 'Belief' is just a thought you keep thinking. If you keep thinking it, it becomes true for you, you see lots of evidence that it is true, because you notice things that 'prove' it, but don't notice other things that 'disprove' it. You can change your beliefs, just by deciding on something that you would like to be true eg 'I have lots of good things in my life and will have more' and keep repeating it. Write it down and pin it up somewhere you will see it often. Then look for evidence that it is true. You will start to notice things. You will start to feel happier. The bottom line is.... Be Happy and all else falls into place. Here endeth the first lesson!
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Post by sarahlev on Jan 1, 2011 14:31:25 GMT 1
Thanks dragonmaster
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