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Post by spanner on Dec 21, 2010 10:19:56 GMT 1
Girlfriend is renting stable, turnout and use of her all weather arena to a non horsey friend for her daughter's pony - basically sharing her facilities. She has pretty much taught the girl to ride, helped find a pony for her over a year ago and sorted all tack for the pony as parents don't have a clue. Girl is 13 now and has had pony there for nearly 2 years, during which time the girl rides in fits and starts and when not ridden for about a month GF has to lunge pony and clinic girl to get her going again as pony gets a little excitable. Girl then rides maybe 2 or 3 times and then not again for ages. Parents have been going through rocky patch and had family bereavement and illness over the past couple of years. They pay £25 for this including haylage - not bedding. GF has to do pony when girl ill and when having family events (seem to happen quite a lot) but asks that girl leaves everything ready ie pony mucked out, haynets filled and water topped up. Other day, GF had flu so had own to do and this pony. Girl hadn't left more than 4 inches of water in bucket. I went to help out and was fuming that this girl not only couldn't be bothered to make sure her own pony had water, but had left it all for someone else to do when they knew she was ill! I have told GF to get her gone, but GF is soft touch and says family have been through loads etc, plus did mention to her mum as knew of someone who was interested in buying or loaning pony. Mum spoke to girl but girl wants to keep pony. Why??? What advice can I give? Girl is also rude and stroppy although can be very pleasant when it suits her. Didn't even thank us for doing her pony, in fact barely spoke when next came up! I'm fuming!
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big e
Grand Prix Poster
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Post by big e on Dec 21, 2010 10:51:15 GMT 1
She sounds like a typical teenager to me It does sound like your g/f is being taken advantage of but maybe she's happy to do all the stuff for girls pony. Until she gets fed up with it and speaks up for herself its not likely to change.
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Post by julz on Dec 21, 2010 11:19:53 GMT 1
Ok Girl wont sell/loan but is it her choice to make?
If loan not an option maybe a sharer will be..that way Girl can still come up as and when it suits, but Pony is still excersized and GF has less to do.
Ps.. Girl sounds like a brat (spoilt)
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Post by Mellymoo on Dec 21, 2010 11:44:35 GMT 1
Start charging for all the times your GF has to do the pony - that will surely spur them into some sort of action. Charge for all lunging, lessons, mucking out, waters, etc. They will either sell the pony, or make daughter come up to do it herself!
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companymagic
Grand Prix Poster
Horses are for life not just for riding....
Posts: 1,739
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Post by companymagic on Dec 21, 2010 11:47:49 GMT 1
Advise the Girls parents that Full livery prices start from around £400 per month and would they like to carry on having these as your just putting their bill together for the last year :-)
Sorry I know not much help, but unless your GF has that chat nothing will change. The girl can't really be to blame as she is still after all a child. I think your GF needs to speak to her folks and be honest about it.. Remember that even though they are having a hard time etc. None of that is your GF's fault and she cannot be held responsible for it.
They have a pony they need to care for end of story, if for whatever reason they cannot they need to make correct arrangements for it.
Good Luck with it.
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Post by happysnail on Dec 21, 2010 13:02:46 GMT 1
What about GF and the girl negotiating a "contract"? The girl sounds like she's in a really vulnerable place right now and has a really mixed up home life along with everything that goes with being a teenage girl and I can totally understand your GF wanting to reach out to her. Together they could rig up a schedule for care and exercise and expectations for your GF and the girl and agreed it with the girl's parents. They can agree contingency plans (if I'm ill, if you're ill) and consequences if things don't happen (filling water buckets by hand with a cup, cleaning stuff) but also rewards (like a fun session) if things go well. Monty has BRILLIANT stuff about this in "the man who listens to horses" and even more in "horse sense for people" and this could make a huge difference. I'd try a contract approach before you come on too heavy with "you will pay...or get rid".
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Post by spanner on Dec 21, 2010 16:39:30 GMT 1
Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I was just sounding off as it gets me cross! Good suggestions happysnail but for that to happen it really needs parental cooperation and they just leave it to my GF as they are not really interested. They keep getting behind with paying too, but that's another issue. GF tried an aggreement with the girl whereby she put haynet up for girl in mornings (water should be plentiful as supposed to be left full each night and they use the huge rubber trug buckets) so that girl could have lie in before school, in exchange she was supposed to give GF's retired pony a brush in the evenings. This is not really of benefit to GF but she thought it'd be nice for her elderly pony and help this girl out. Each evening for 2 weeks GF asked girl if she was going to brush pony and girl said not because no time - mum often waiting for her on drive in car. At the end of two weeks pony had been brushed by girl just once although her pony had been done each school day by GF. I knew the aggreement but asked girl to explain it to me. She said that she was to brush pony in exchange for having her's done in mornings. I asked her how many times she'd brushed pony and she replied once, then how many times she'd ahd her own pony done for her and she shrugged. I said it was 10 times and asked her who was getting the better deal. She replied that she was and I said in that case it was in her interest to make it work! To give GF credit she has now opted out of the aggreement and girl has to come up mornings and do pony herself, except other day when asked GF to do pony due to family outing. I like the idea of getting her to do forfeits, but it just wouldn't happen as I don't think parents would allow it. I just wishe they'd move her somewhere else.
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Post by spanner on Dec 21, 2010 16:44:25 GMT 1
Just read again and missed your comment mollymoo. That's a good idea, however how much to charge for each thing? How much for lunging. feeding etc? I don't know whether GF would have the nerve or inclination to do it though, but I will suggest it as it may make them think twice or at least appreciate what is being done for their ungrateful daughter! I will show this thread to her later. Thanks
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Post by anastasia55555 on Dec 21, 2010 17:09:57 GMT 1
It's hard with something like that, tempting to say dont do anything for her, but then you have to consider the poor pony in all this, and once lots have things have been done for the girl i expect she is very much just taking it for granted. I might think about saying when it comes to a 'family outing', no i cant do it, im not there and see what is said/done then. Of course you will prob be there so if/when they arrive and say 'oh didnt think you were here' can say well you cant take me for granted and take the pee all the time because its just not going to happen. If they dont turn up, i would be tempt to text them and tell them pony still in stable or whatever, or pony not been fed as i am too busy. Then leave a note at yard, saying actually it has been done, but fed up of being used all the time incase they still decided not to turn up, at least the pony wont come to harm then.
TBH it would drive me mad if i was in ur gf's shoes. and yes another idea is get a contract made up, with a list of jobs and prices. Even just £5 a day for getting in, turning out, feeding or something, another £5 an hour for working the pony, and tell them your implementing it from Jan 1st or something and ask them to sign. State if payments not made, work wont be done, and you will be asked to remove pony from the premises.
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