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Post by angblue on Mar 26, 2007 13:19:03 GMT 1
Just thought I'd ask what your story is & how you came to loose/or be not so confident? Here's mine, I'll try & keep it short! After not owning a horse since my teens & riding a handful of times a year, I decided the time was right to get a pone again. So I searched & went to see Blue at a dealers yard, he was 5 then(2yrs ago) & supposed to be ideal for me to get back in the saddle. He was great tried him out, my experienced friend thought so too. He came home a week later, he was lovely although v nervous, gave him a fortnight to settle in just doing walking in hand & generally spending time with him. Then I tried to get on & he was having none of it, so cue my friend who came up & rode him! He spun, he jogged with his head in the air but eventually settled down, I was in tears at this point thinking OMG what have I done? So the next 6mnths were hard as he spooked alot spinning round & taking off, resulting with me on the deck! I then started researching on how to build his trust & bond with me & came accross Kelly's books & then this DG! Sending him back was'nt an option (although my hubby was pushing me to at one point) because he was so kind & honest, I just knew if I could gain his trust he would be a great partner for me. So ground work began, all the stuff in Kelly's book & going over plastic, desensitising to plastic bags, balloons etc. I have to say tho the main change in him came after doing "join up", now I know alot of ppl don't agree with it but my Blue did it first time & really joined up with me. I felt a change in him after that, almost a lightbulb moment as if he was saying "you spoke my language & I trust you for that" things gradually improved so we hacked out alone, great it went really well & I thought "at last we can enjoy the world together alone". BUT & here it is my moment of lost confidence! The next day we went out again, a tractor passed us with a trailer full of cows, ok it passed but 2secs later a bird flew up.....he spun took off at canter, dumped me on the road & headed for home......que BIG ouch & confidence was gone (last july) I got the vet out, he could'nt find pain anywhere but suggested I got a massage therepist out, who found no pain but some muscle atrophy in his wither/shoulder area so I got all the stretches to do & excercises to build him up. I then researched into bitless as he never wanted his bridle on & always snatched at the reins, got a Dr cooks & never looked back he was so happy & I got a wonderful balanced trot, now he pushes his nose into it! Then came the treeless, I'd gone thru 2 treed saddles(fitted by a saddler) in a year & found info on treeless helping with muscle wastage etc. Got my Trekker & we both love it he never flinches getting tacked up etc, I can feel every move & I feel secure ;D With hard work he has build up muscle & is a real sweetie, still a bit spooky but he listens to me now instead of taking off! I have'nt hacked alone since that incident as I'm so scared of loosing my trust in him & the confidence that I have He has improved 100% & I am glad in a way that I did'nt buy a schoolmaster as I have learned so much through neccessity & I am a much better rider/horseperson than I was before & although I still have alot to learn.....WE WILL GET THERE ;D ;D Oh god hope it's not to long, sorry for rabbiting on !
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Post by mellymoo on Mar 26, 2007 13:39:37 GMT 1
I don't really know why my confidence vanished, as nothing really awful happened. Hamish was a bit of a git at first, but I don't know why I didn't crack on really and keep riding him. He has been to Sarah Dent's for three weeks (he and I both got reschooled), and I have been on a centred riding course to get going again.
I think my confidence issues were with me. I have suffered from depression and have OCD and dyspraxia, and no self esteem at all. I also have a dodgy leg, and am always conscious of the fact that if I fall on it again I may have titanium pins coming out through my skin. I can talk myself out of most things, as long as no one is pushing me to do more than I am able to (within reason - I need pushing if I don;t want to get on at all!).
I am off on a cadre noir course in tow weeks - mega worried about it, but I have to be brave in front of everyone!
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Post by julz on Mar 26, 2007 13:57:57 GMT 1
I lost my confidence the first time when i was 10.... though i got it back and was fine for years, until i had a baddish accident in 1990 when i fell on my head, literally, and was in hospital for four days. then after that had the accident that has gave me so much trouble afterwards..... I suppose it wasn't just losing condience but more having to be careful what i rode, as if I fell and landed on hip again, it would shatter.... so i guess the confidence issues came with not wanting to take risks, and knowing what horses like to do best (usually from speed..) even now, in the last few years, jumping is and when i have an urge to do it..and very small at that..
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Post by wozzer on Mar 26, 2007 14:09:19 GMT 1
I was never mega brave, but have ridden since I was a little girl and took it up again in my early 20's, getting my first horse at 27. The crunch for me was years later, when I was about 35, hacking out my newly started (by me, with help )4 year old along a quiet road with my OH riding his nearly 5 year old (full brother) alongside (which I also started ;D), Suddenly a dog ran up to a garden gate alongside me and Branston, startling Branston who took two huge giant leaps sideways to the middle of the road right into the path of an oncoming car. My OH fell off (was bounced off as he was on the outside of us) and landed on the road, Branston reared right up and looked as if he would land on Alan. Alan's horse, Waddington ran off - it was absolutely awful. My posh Stubben stirrups saved my right ankle from serious damage as they were pressed between the roof of the car and my horse's side, almost taking the car's roof off as we travelled alongside it . The car was written off. At the end of it I was still on board, and no-one was actually injured. Just a very minor cut to Branston's stifle. OMG, writing this here is bringing it back I never rode again. Sold up. Branston went to be a fantastic police horse. Now here's the thing. I know it wasn't Branston's fault. I'd had him and Waddi since they were foals and it broke my heart to sell them, but I had no stomach to ride any more Anyway, here I am again, with Lincoln and Warrior, around 8 years later, loving it, but still a bit of a nervous nelly from time to time. What's turning it round for me, though, is Kelly's fab books and you lot on here. Thank you so very, very much
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Post by Booze Fish on Mar 26, 2007 14:18:12 GMT 1
I guess my confidence problems come from not feeling good enough at horsemanship in general, including riding, and from the ground .... Ive never had any really bad experiences in my adult life with horses, I had most of them when I was a kid. Its strange because I wasnt fully accepted and slightly bullied at school, and from that I have this mortal fear of looking an idiot in front of people as that would give them an excuse to bully me or pick on me when I was younger, so if I feel Ive done something that makes me look silly then I dont want to do it again and give people the opportunity of laughing at me. Im very very sensitive to anything people say about my riding or horsey skills and I think that is what causes me to loose confidence in myself.
xXx
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Post by angblue on Mar 26, 2007 14:34:50 GMT 1
Holy moly that's some frightening accidents you guys have had! You should be v proud of yourselves for sticking with it after that kind of trauma, don't think I could I think age & having kids has alot to do with it, it subconsiously makes you want to self preserve lol ! I can really see where you're coming from boozefich, I dont like riding infront of ppl either it's not a pleasant feeling worrying what others think. Perhaps you could thrash out what happened in the past by talking to someone & it might help with your confidence in general
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em&ed
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If I had just a little humility, I'd be perfect....
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Post by em&ed on Mar 26, 2007 14:34:54 GMT 1
Don't know why confidence comes and goes... has done since long before I got my own horse, which was 10 months ago. I hoped he would give me confidence, but turns out its the other way round!! He is lacking in confidence too! Great! Not... I have seen him rear and buck and tank off.... so I sometimes think "Do i really want to sit on that horse?" I can understand why some of the other posters would be nervous coz they have had such awful accidents or near misses but *TOUCHES WOOD* I haven't, so i cannot understand it. A friend of mine says I am scared of the unknown or the "what if..." syndrome.... but i have total respect to all of you that have been through awful accidents, and still decided to get back on...
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nic1
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Tawny
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Post by nic1 on Mar 26, 2007 14:36:23 GMT 1
I lost my confidence over 2 years ago with my t/b Jimmy. He was my first horse and was sold to me as a family horse any one could ride!? He was under weight and in quite poor condition, but i learnt a lot about feed and fizzyness and saddle fitting and all the stuff that goes along with sorting a poor horse out. When i started riding him proper he was resistant and awkward and napped badly but once i got him going he was fine. A friend would hack him for me and i had lessons on him. Then i had a lesson with another horse and he was awful and napped to the other horse. When she had a canter he bolted after it and nearly threw me over the fence. By this time the confidence was diminishing big time. He would play up when i got on in the carpark, i would have to be thrown up like a jockey so he wouldn't start bunny hopping. Then he got colic, he had surgery and was out of action for a while. I decided i would move to a yard where they had more t/b experience and less of a riding school where i could get more help and some more schooing for Jim. I paid for the yo to school him and found a sharer to help keep him exercised and to no avail really. His unpredictable behaviour put the sharers off and then when i was having a really good lesson on him. You know when you open your big mouth!! I said" hes going really well tonight" at which point he started to canter of his own accord and not stop. He did not respond to anything i did and in the end he cut across the middle of the school and i knew i would come off as there was no way with the speed he was going would he be able to make the turn. I actually crashed through and smashed a post and rail fence to bits and Jim fell over a little way further along. He wasn't hurt, but i ended up in hospital with broken ribs and broken finger and massive bruising to my wrist and back. After that when i had recovered i was almost unable to get on a horse at all. My confidence had gone completely. I started riding the yo really steady reliable boy and gradually started to feel better about things and when i brought my second horse i lost it all again as he was so spooky. I have now retired Jimmy although i still have him, i believe a lot of his trouble is pain related, knowing what i know now. I sold my second horse to a friend and decided to have a break and just ride sensible safe horses. The problem is though i got fed up only having lessons and started to wish for my own horse again. So i put a thread on this site asking for a native cross, safe but not boring etc. And Tawny found me and i believe it was meant to be. We have come so far, i am still scared stiff of hacking out but we are working on it, i even struggle to go round the field , but we have done our first dressage clinic and learning RWYM. Jimmy is enjoying life just being a horse and the bond we have is wonderful, it is such a shame we couldn't make it in our ridden work. Sorry it is so long, but it is a bit of an ongoing saga!!! Nic x
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karenandco
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there is never a quick fix,
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Post by karenandco on Mar 26, 2007 14:41:54 GMT 1
ok, mine is not a dramatic story at all, and i don't really know how it happened other than others have planted the seed that evenutally grow in to the oak tree of doubt, everytime we went out in company, and he did something, ie backing up into a moving car, not wanting to be with the others, always about 20ft in front, having that 'everyman for himself' attitude, cantering of down the road and i couldn't stop him, the company would say, get rid of him he is dangerous, he is never going to be any good, if i don't let him go then i'm going to end up in hospital or worse, and although you say, no he is fine, i can sort him he will be good, that little seed somehow, just keeps growing, well, gradually one by one, people stopped coming out on our hacks, then evenutally i wasn't asked anymore, and there you have it, the oak tree blossomed, and bore fruit, my confidence was gone without me even knowing it,
i wanted so much for him to love and trust me, which i have to add is the only thing that has kept me going, i want so much for him to be happy with himself, then i think we can work on 'us' although everyone that meets us says how much he loves me, he really don't show it when we are out
and that as they say is that, but onward and upward we are getting there as you have probably read in my recent posts
karen and co
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Post by wendyihts on Mar 26, 2007 14:46:37 GMT 1
At the moment, the only confidence issue I'm aware of with my horses is centred on this fearfulness I have when I hack out. I know what caused this - we were hit by a car in December 06 on a day with extremely good visibility on a piece of road where the driver had 400m to see us in advance. My fear shows up as being very angry with drivers when we're on the road - but it's an uptight, scared type of anger. I know I am still very angry with the person who hit us, who not only didn't have a good excuse for doing so, he was downright arrogant and dismissive about it afterwards. And he's one of our local doctors so I see him and his car around town regularly - I'm wondering if a brick through his car windscreen might be valuable therapy for me... ONLY JOKING! BUT I used to have real confidence problems as a child and teenager that came from a bullying and abusive home life. When I was 18, I left home - moved 200 miles away - and I went and did a degree and Masters degree in psychology and qualified as a chartered psychologist and was then working as a psychologist when I ran into a nasty, bullying boss (also a psychologist! go figure...). This boss really was an education in how insidious and manipulative bullying can be and I eventually developed depression, learned helplessness and anxiety. Then my horse saved my life! She showed me how stressed and upset I was constantly and then supported me as I quit my so called high flying corporate job, moved to France with my family and started my own company. It's been a rocky road sometimes, getting over the depression and learned helplessness. I think, for me, the anxiety has been one of the hardest things to get over though I guess every one is different. But I think I've been lucky - because of my background I was able to navigate my way back to feeling good again and probably now feel better than I've ever done. Truly, I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to experience that bullying and that hardship first hand and for also finding the way back to feeling generally great again. Hmm, I wrote an article about this here www.allowchange.com/pdfs/Life_Doesnt_Always_Give_You_What_You_Want_article.pdfHope you like it and I look forward to sharing this part of the journey with you!
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em&ed
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If I had just a little humility, I'd be perfect....
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Post by em&ed on Mar 26, 2007 14:58:56 GMT 1
Thats very interesting Wendy. I do think the brick/window therapy would work! But I wonder how many nervous/ lacking in confidene people do also have something like learned helplessness or similar... I find I can be quite pessimistic about things in life and I suppose its only natural that it will, at some point, transfer into your riding/horselife....
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Post by angblue on Mar 26, 2007 15:01:50 GMT 1
Thats a really thought provoking article, made alot of sense too! I guess blue behaving how he did has given me what I needed, to be a better rider/horseperson & have more understanding of horses in general. I may not have "wanted" that behaviour at that time but it is "what I needed" to improve our relationship
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Post by wendyihts on Mar 26, 2007 15:13:00 GMT 1
Emined: I was going to put that very question up as a thread! There's quite often a link between lacking confidence in other parts of our lives and lacking confidence with horses (remember the saying - 'my horse is my mirror' ?) Sometimes, especially when you've lost your confidence due to a traumatic experience, the fears might be quite specific - like me with the car drivers at the moment. However, because our brains try to convince us to stay safe and protect ourselves, even then we can start to find our fearfullness or lack of confidence extending in to other areas. Then it becomes like a vicious cycle. The great news is that we can use this same process to learn how to be more confident without scaring ourselves silly in the process. You can practice your new confident behaviour in situations where you don't feel REALLY scared and use that experience to develop and refine the new confident you. It's like what we would do with horses - if you have a horse that's scared to load, you might even have to start by getting him used to walking over a tarpaulin or a plank on the floor. You start at the point where he can do something and build from there. It's OK to give ourselves the same chances for success too! Angblu: glad you enjoyed the article and found it interesting. I think what surprised me most about my experience with Belle, what it made me realise, was that every time something 'bad' happened to me so long as I was open to receiving help with the issue, when I looked around I always found it. It's like this forum now - we're all open to receiving help with confidence issues and - as if by magic - we have received what we need. And by definition, when we're open to moving forward with something, we end up growing stronger as a consequence.
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Post by amarche on Mar 26, 2007 15:25:51 GMT 1
Wendy, I was really touched by your article, thank you for that link. I think I understand, I've recently become aware of another 'way' of thinking, its hard to describe but to just relax and not fret or be afraid of what's happening but to allow things to happen around you and take what you need from that experience.
I'm not explaining it particularly well but the underlying point is that there are a lot of reasons why I've transferred my confidence issues into my horse riding life and the trigger was around an accident but also having children, which I believe gives you a wonderful sense of self-preservation (as iceberg mentioned in another thread)
I ride my one horse and have no (showing) nerves yet I go to pieces when I even start imagining riding my big horse (my stomach twisting now just typing it!) I don't know why this happens, I'm sure it's as been said, my horse is my mirror - I suppose with me it all boils down to fear of failing
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Post by Wendy IHTS on Mar 26, 2007 15:31:48 GMT 1
I know what you mean, amarche. This one is my biggest challenge 'I Let Go and I Trust'. Whenever I'm stressed about something, that has to be my mantra. Susan Jeffers, the lady who wrote 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', says in one of her books 'try to wear life like a loosely fitting, comfortable garment'. It's just as you say 'allow things to happen around you'.
Have you read Mark Rashid's book 'Horsemanship through life'? He was talking about this very point and how it relates to not falling off. He learnt the hard way that the horse has most trouble with us when we're bracing against him - we need to soften and flow with him. Just like in life - stop bracing, be soft, move loosely and easily with life.
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