Post by lucitania on Dec 29, 2005 19:51:16 GMT 1
I don't know if I should give up this horsey stuff alltogether or what. I have just come home from a riding lessons, whcih was a complete waste of time and money as fas as I am concerned and really has destroyed the little confidence in my own ability that I have had. Some of you may know that I have had some pretty deabilitating back issues recently, and finally I am feeling like a normal person, and really wanted to have a lessons without stirrups, trying to find my balance and posture again, trying to stop gripping with my knees etc. Well, I rode a mare (a TBx) that I have enjoyed riding in the past, although she can be a bit spooky and bright. For some reason, the mare was playing silly buggers today, spooking at one side of the school (running sideways), wiggling around, bent like a banana, head in the air etc. ! I am not a complete novice, I should be perfectly able to ride her forward and straighten her with my legs, but with every time she went sideways or leapt fowards because of a gust of wind, I just got more and more tense and nervous. At one point I thought I was going to burst into tears- it really wasn't going well. This mare wasn't bucking or bolting, just being spooky and wanting to wiggle and go sideways- I know I should be perfectly capable of handling that, but for some reason I was almost paralyzed with fear. My instructor just kept telling me to ride her forward and set her straight (which I know how to do). Afterwards I didn;t dare put her into the stable, said that I needed the loo and asked one of the girls to take her.
Going to the riding school hasn;t been a pleasure for quite a while now, due to the behaviour of some staff members. (words rude and common come to mind....) I get screamed and shouted at, told off or completely ignored, when I ask for help they say it's not their job or that I should be able to do that by myself. Now this really upsets me, I have been bullied all my life, just about, and I can't deal with being bullied in a place where I am a paying customer. I only keep going there to keep my riding going with my brilliant instructor, while I look for a horse for myself. I start to get in a very bad mood on my way there, and by the time I get on a horse I usually feel very low and negative about everything. There are no other riding schools near by, and my instructor is brilliant.
UNtil now I have kept going by telling myself, that one day soon I will have a horse of my own and will never have to go back to place.....but right now I feel panicky about getting near another horse. I am supposed to go and look at a horse in about 10 days time- I have felt quite positive about him until now (he is the pelvic rotation horse), but I really fear that I have lost not only my ability to ride due to feeling negative and panicky, but also the enjoyment it is supposed to bring. I just can't see the point in torturing myself any more, and wonder if I should just give up completely.
I seem to be more confident with horses that I have got to know, and especially the ones I have handled on the ground. I keep trying to fool myself into believing that once I have a horse, I can take time getting to know and trust him and somehow it will all be okay in the end.
I know that feeling negative and rather on-edge even before I get in the sddale, won't help me or the horse relax. You can only imagine the way some of the staff treat customers there, it is really nothing short of bullying! These people were clearly brought up in a field! I guess some people just ignore them and won't let them ruin their riding experience, but I am not one of those people. I am a gentle person, I don;t want to hurt anyone on purpose and I certainly can;t cope with this kind of treatment. I have made a complaint to the manager recently about a certain incident, and the manager was nice about it and said she would sort it out. Word must have got out, as today no one would speak to me (I asked the people in the office to book me a lesson for next week, but they just ignored me, as if I hadn't spoken!) and there was certainly some hostility in the air.
I would like to think that once I have my own horse that I can spend time with and be in a more positive surroundings (the small yard I am going to is owned by a real saint of a woman, she and her place really are fantastic) I will find the pleasure of riding again. But it doesn;'t feel like that at the moment- havning a very near panick attack on a horse is a low point, even for me!
I wonder if this blabbing on makes any sense to anyone and if I am the only one with an irrational fear of everything? I certainly won't be riding this horse again, but don't really know what else to do: I obviously have to keep riding while I look for a horse- I haven't got access to much riding apart from the riding school, so it is a take it or leave it situation. I know that the biggest hurdle is trying to feel positive, but I find this impossible in that place, those people are just unbelievable! I am not getting anything out of my lessons, if anything, things have gone backwards to wobbly lower legs, stirrups slipping, hands rising to trot.... AAARGH!!!
Going to the riding school hasn;t been a pleasure for quite a while now, due to the behaviour of some staff members. (words rude and common come to mind....) I get screamed and shouted at, told off or completely ignored, when I ask for help they say it's not their job or that I should be able to do that by myself. Now this really upsets me, I have been bullied all my life, just about, and I can't deal with being bullied in a place where I am a paying customer. I only keep going there to keep my riding going with my brilliant instructor, while I look for a horse for myself. I start to get in a very bad mood on my way there, and by the time I get on a horse I usually feel very low and negative about everything. There are no other riding schools near by, and my instructor is brilliant.
UNtil now I have kept going by telling myself, that one day soon I will have a horse of my own and will never have to go back to place.....but right now I feel panicky about getting near another horse. I am supposed to go and look at a horse in about 10 days time- I have felt quite positive about him until now (he is the pelvic rotation horse), but I really fear that I have lost not only my ability to ride due to feeling negative and panicky, but also the enjoyment it is supposed to bring. I just can't see the point in torturing myself any more, and wonder if I should just give up completely.
I seem to be more confident with horses that I have got to know, and especially the ones I have handled on the ground. I keep trying to fool myself into believing that once I have a horse, I can take time getting to know and trust him and somehow it will all be okay in the end.
I know that feeling negative and rather on-edge even before I get in the sddale, won't help me or the horse relax. You can only imagine the way some of the staff treat customers there, it is really nothing short of bullying! These people were clearly brought up in a field! I guess some people just ignore them and won't let them ruin their riding experience, but I am not one of those people. I am a gentle person, I don;t want to hurt anyone on purpose and I certainly can;t cope with this kind of treatment. I have made a complaint to the manager recently about a certain incident, and the manager was nice about it and said she would sort it out. Word must have got out, as today no one would speak to me (I asked the people in the office to book me a lesson for next week, but they just ignored me, as if I hadn't spoken!) and there was certainly some hostility in the air.
I would like to think that once I have my own horse that I can spend time with and be in a more positive surroundings (the small yard I am going to is owned by a real saint of a woman, she and her place really are fantastic) I will find the pleasure of riding again. But it doesn;'t feel like that at the moment- havning a very near panick attack on a horse is a low point, even for me!
I wonder if this blabbing on makes any sense to anyone and if I am the only one with an irrational fear of everything? I certainly won't be riding this horse again, but don't really know what else to do: I obviously have to keep riding while I look for a horse- I haven't got access to much riding apart from the riding school, so it is a take it or leave it situation. I know that the biggest hurdle is trying to feel positive, but I find this impossible in that place, those people are just unbelievable! I am not getting anything out of my lessons, if anything, things have gone backwards to wobbly lower legs, stirrups slipping, hands rising to trot.... AAARGH!!!