Give me strenghth! I can't cope any more!

[Jem]

Hey all,
Just when we thought things couldnt get anyworse, they do.
Out of 3 horses i have lost 1 due to laminitis and my little pony has gone servely lame today with it. Iv been out there all day with him, and as the hours have gone by he has got worse and worse. Iv been sitting in his stable with him, crying my eyes out, ive had enough. I have tryed so hard with everything, and after loosing jester to it in the summer, im wondering when we will loose blue. I know they can get through it, but when youve lost one horse already, its hard to believe they will.
I feel drained and tired with it all, and im so scared that blue will end up going the same way as my poor jester.
He went lame at the weekend, and weve had the vet out whodiasnosed him with white line disease. Since then he has been sound as a pound, but me and mum had it in our heads it was the onset of laminitis, judging on our experiences with jester. Anyway we have kept him in alot over the week, and only turned him out for a fewq hours with his grazing muzzle on. "day i was mucking out the stables, and i went out into the paddock to call him and he didnt come. This is odd for little blue. I knew straight away. This exactly what happened with jester, one minute he would be fine but the next he could barely stand up.
i Dont think i can handle another year of of this, we fought and fought for jester, but we lost the battle.
I just dont know what to do, i actually feel physically sick with it all.
i want to move them away from this place as im so worried thst barney will be next. Im dredding the day i go out there, n barneys lame, and im not prepared to take the chance with him. The only thing is we keep them at home, and at the moment we really cant afford to move them anywhere else. Im one of those people who is happy to leave them out 24/7, but its got to they stage where they are just going to have to stay in if we are to keep this under control. I just want them to be happy, and not in any pain, but it seems impossible. Today has dug up all the bad memories id rather forget with jester. I just dont know what to do any more. I love my boys very much, but im beggining to feel im cursed and me keeping them is like sentencing them to death here!
Someone help me please!
xxxxx thanx for listeningxxxx sorry to mumble xxxxx

[specialsparkle3]

8-)Have the vet out NOW so he can treat him immediately and make him more comfortable. Stop worrying about the future and deal with what's happening now, hope fully you have caught it in time , love & hugs coming to you Good luck.

[tiggs]

You poor thing having to go through a similar experience again, I'd get the vet out straight away while it's early stages. I know it's hard not to compare blue with jester, but it is a different case. All you can do is keep strong and think positively - thinking of you and hope it works out ok.

[arabmania]

certainly ask for a different opinion if you're not in full agreement with the vet you use. its your right.
you are very low just now having already lost one horse that you loved and you need to feel that you are doing everything you possible can to stop it happening again. get a vet out asap and be in control of this.

massive hugs to you

[Lorraine L]

Dear Jem,
My heart goes out to you but you must take a big deep breath and get things into perspective.
We too thought we were cursed having lost two mares to Laminitis within a year of each other and then had another diagnosed with Cushings.
Firstly, one of the reasons that you managed to cope after losing Jester, was the fact that you still had two others who needed you. It is not possible to stay away and grieve in these situations, the others need you there the very next morning etc ...
You obviously could not have done more for Jester than you and your Mum did - so the wealth of knowledge that you learnt from nursing him are things which can help you when you see problems looming for Blue or Barney.
You boys are individuals and if you feel that you need to keep them in because of them appearing 'pottery' or not quite right, then do that. Do not feel downbeat or cursed. Most horse owners take on a horse with the intention of giving them and seeing to their every need. You can only deal with any problems which the boys have - If and when they get them.
Try to see what is happening for what it is and how best you can deal with it. I don't mean to ' kick you up the a**e' but seriously its ok to grieve over Jester and we all have our bad / sad days (thats natural ) but you have oodles of knowledge to help your boys in any situation so, just deal with one thing at a time / learn to separate them into individuals and remember that sometimes things do happen but you are able to cope... Congratulate yourself for knowing your horse so well and if necessary get hold of the vet and tell him to come out again and take another look.
I hope that your sad days become less and less and you get to enjoy every day with your other boys.
x

[Karon]

jem, hang in there. I know exactly what you're going through - I lost Khafif's mum to laminitis nearly 10 years ago, Khafif has now been diagnosed with Cushings and has had two bad attacks of laminitis in 12 months. Last winter I thought I was going to lsoe her, she was so lame, this year I was dreading winter as she got laminitis again but she's finally, very slowly, starting to improve. Last year, Shantih had laminitis as well - it showed the same way as with Blue with her not wanting to come down the field. She's 100% fine now, but was very lame for some time. But there's always that thought at the back of your mind that you're going to lose another one to it.

I think the weather has been so mild that the grass is growing more than we'd expect and it's enough to give them problems if they are prone to laminitis. Definitely ask your vet for a second opinion, and also try putting a thread on Hose Health fao Jackie JA Taylor so see if she can give you any ideas on what else to try.

I prefer to leave Khafif out 24/7 as well if I can but I've now had to accept that at certain times it just isn't possible. I'm now able to manage my grazing myself which helps (but didn't stop her getting lami again this winter) but I've got to face the fact that she's going to have to spend a fair bit of time yarded in future.

Take care, at least now you've got Blue off the grass he should start to improve - it might take a bit of time but at least you've caught it now rather than leaving it another few days. Good luck, hope he will do OK soon. xxx

[Lorraine L]

PS... I am sorry that I waffled on long enough to have been an essay !

[annahindley]

Everyone has given such good advice. I just wanted to say poor you really. Its true, you are probably incredibly well qualified to care for him due to your experience,
Try and be strong
Anna
xxxx

[muckshifter]

Just because you lost one, doesn't mean you will necessarily lose another. You're at a low ebb just now but be strong. Horses do recover from laminitis. My old mare did. Take each day at a time and think positive thoughts. Hugs.

[june]

You need to get advice from Jackie Taylor who has lots of experience with this disease. She has her own yahoo group - themetabolichorse - or post on her for her attention as she comes on this group too.

[Jem]

Thanx all for your advice, im sat here now crying my eyes out at your coments. People have been telling me to be brave and be strong for so long now, i just dont know how much longer i can keep it up 4. I think i coped really well with losing my boy in the summer, although it was very hard, n i did spend most of my days crying and thinking about him. You just cant get
away from things like that when they happen, n yes i do still have my bad days, n i get the names muddled up, and call blue jester, only because for the last 4 years that was the only name who stuck in my head and ment the world to me. Its hard getting out of habbits like that.
I dont want to have to keep him in all the time, he hates it, n im not keen on mucking out, especially as iv just started college and was hoping to spend my spare time riding barney rather than mucking out, but i will continue to be strong for blue, n we will beat this. If we dont, i dont think ill be able to go on lol. Hes the little part of jester i have left n theres nothing i would love more than to be able to sit my kids on when or if i ever have them ( bearing in mind im only 16 lol)
Its just hard, i feel like im not ment to have horses.
Lorraine and karon, your messages mean alot, they have me in tears here, i dont feel so alone at this horrible time. I feel like im understood by people who have experienced what im going through, and u know how much it hurts.
I just want him to be better, i cant bere to c him in so much pain.
thanx all for your coments, il let you know how he is 2muro. i pray he is abit better.
I think this is the horses way of keeping me here for christmas lol, i was going to go to surrey to c the family, but i dont think they wanted me to go some how, hehe xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jem]

Hey all, blue isnt very good again today, but he has improved over night through being in. He is now putting a small amount of wait on it rather than not putting it down at all. He is being vbery difficult though with staying in 24/7 as he hates it, and earlia reared up and caught mum in the head with his foot. She got very upset, as everything is just on top of us at the mo. We were in exactly the same place last xmas, and i can see us being here next year to at the rate we're going.
Im not very well either, i feel all weak, and have a very saw throat, dont know if ill be able to manage my xmas dinna 2muro. i hoping to see even more of an improvement tomuro morning, lets hope its not going to be that bad of christmas after all. xxxxxx

[Tinker(France)]

Aww.. Jem.. I really feel for you and can sort of sympathise with you as i today got very upset over my 3 year old shetland, Pepsi.

He came down with laminitis last spring and from April till October i was having to keep him in a tiny "mud" paddock instead of a stable as i didn't have one and also, he was once wild.. so, putting him away in a stable would have caused more problems.

I made a pen in one corner of the field and because they all live out (i have a stable herd of 5), this worked well as he could still interact over the fence and be outside. I put an old trailer box in their as his shelter and gave him things to play with i.e. snack ball.. branches of willow trees.. hid things in his hay.. (sugar free of course!)

In the first weeks he basically stayed in his pen 24/7 and my vet thought it was a fantastic idea (is now recommending it as opposed to stabling). I then gradually made the pen bigger for him and then would let him out for a couple of hours.. then built this up. I then basically monitored him and would put him back in his pen when needed.

I also had the most amazing farrier who trimmed him every 4 weeks and kept the pressure off his toes i.e. to stop any mechanical separation. This is the main thing which kept him sound.. regular and balanced trims..

Now, we have moved to Devon Pepsi is out with the herd in 8 acres... but, the grass is established and hasn't been fertilised or anything.. (Pepsi got laminitis from fertilised grass).. he is fine for the time being.. however, I have the spring to worry about now and the farrier i had is in Jersey..

Because of Pepsi' laminitis, he now has white line separation in his front feet and I am worried sick that another bout of laminitis is going to cause further separation and .. well.. sadly you know the rest.. we managed last year as his feet were trimmed fantastically, but i dont have this farrier now..

I have already eyed up a patch of the field they are grazing now where they have churned it up, so i will probably be fencing this off in March and will use this as his paddock to try and avoid laminitis happening.. but.. it is so mild here it can strike at any time!

I am going to buy a muzzle early Jan and habituate him to wearing one.. but, it is such a balancing act..

So, back to your situation.. I am sorry for rambling on about me.. but something may be of help.. and basically, you are not alone so dont panic.

About Blue.. bless him.. could you have another horse next to him during the day? Or is it just the 2 you have?

Can you make a pen outside his stable, or perhaps give him a yard area as well.. this will really help calm his stress levels as he can have an element of control back in his life i.e. he will have a choice in what he does..?? Check with vet if he can have a bit of space to wonder in and if it is ok to let him be mobile?

Can you enrich his stable?? I.e. salt lick (pure salt lick not anything with sugar)??

Horses naturally would strip branches and nibble trees as part of their diet.. could you cut some willow branches for him as he bark has painkilling properties apparently (our pepsi loved these branches!)... also, poplar is another non-poisonous...

If you are feeding him at the moment i.e. hard feed.. could you split his feed into smaller portions and feed little and often.. so it is more of a trickle feed?

You could also buy him a snack ball and fill it with low calorie pony nuts.. this will pass the time for Blue too.. or, just get an old football and make holes in it.. and hang it up..

There are loads of things you can do for Blue to make his "stabled" life for enriching for him and stop him from becoming "bored"..

... you obviously know a lot about nursing through your sad experience, but there are always options and before you even think that you are going to lose Blue.. just think.. you have caught it early.. very early.. you have been proactive and got him off the grass.. now, you just have to try and find a management style to suit you and Blue..

Whether it be that he is turned out with a muzzle?? or lives in a pen like our Pepsi.. or, a yard area... you have some options.

I need to start thinking strategically about what i am going to do now..

There are loads of people on this site who have a wealth of knowledge..

I read that you are in Devon.. I am in Devon too.. (north - ashwater)..so if you are relatively close and need someone to talk too.. just pm me..

I hope you are feeling stronger, it must be so hard for you at this time of the year and the bad memories.. but, if you stay positive and take each day as it comes it will be ok..

Take care
xxxxxxxxxx

[Jem]

Hi all, Jemma's mum here, Thank you all so much for your advice and comments. Blue is much better today than he was yesterday, and that has been keeping him off the grass for 24 hours, so hopefully we should see a little more improvement tomorrow. We will be fencing a small paddock so that he can be outside with his buddy as he gets so stressed being in his stable all day. Jemma gets herself into such a state about it all, but obviously we have learnt heaps over the past 18 months, so i do believe that Blue will go on to lead a full and active long life.
I would also like to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all and once again thank you all for your kind and knowledgeable words.

[Persianhorse]

Jem be calm and I try my best to post you some information tomorrow I hope and I will.
Be strong in life with horses we all have to survive and they need you its not your fault I am sure.
Wish you the best in life it self.
Merry Christmas and happy new year to you and your mum.