Post by Cara & Jewel on May 12, 2015 15:49:01 GMT 1
Hey guys,
Just wanted to get this off my chest, if anyone has been in a similar situation any advice would be great
I would advise getting a cup of tea as this may be long haha
I've been with my long term boyfriend for a year and a half now and I'm very much in love with him and he is with me. He's the one I want to spend my life with, or at least I thought he was. When we met I was only working a part time yard job (15hrs a week) and he has a very good job ( he earned 5x as much as me). This time last year I started looking for a new job as I wanted to go full time, so started to look for a fashion retail position as that's the field I decided I wanted to go in to. Unfortunately because I had always worked with horses and had no retail experience I kept getting rejected after interviews, which as you can imagine left me feeling very down and upset but I kept on trying so hard and didn't give up. So in November last year, after six months of unsuccesful interviews, my boyfriend announces that where we are in the relationship isn't working for him and that I wasn't putting enough effort in to getting a new job! He said he wants to be with someone who is as motivated as he is ( he's a sort of mild workoholic), and I pointed out that I am more motivated than he is because he is already in a job that he likes. So this went on for 2 weeks and I honestly thought this was it, he told me that he had planned for us to move in together after a year ( he hadn't told me that!), and because I was only working part time I couldn't afford to pay half the rent (oh and he has his own flat), he also said he had no interest in being with someone he has to support financially ( bearing in mind I've never asked to borrow money or asked or wanted him to support me). So after a couple of weeks he realises he's being a ******, and apologises for stressing me out and putting pressure on me and everything was fine.
One month later I got myself a christmas job at a fashion retailer ( I was still working my other job ) which I was really excited about because even though it was only temporary it was a great name to put on my cv and to give me some experience. I was there for two months so left in February. Then in March I got a job at another very well known fashion retailer (only part time so still working the two jobs). I work quite a few hours there so am earning almost twice what I used to earn and could afford to move in to his flat ( I basically live there at the moment).
But then 2 weeks ago, just when I thought everything was working out, he starts saying again about my job and in a nutshell it's all because I don't earn enough for his liking. He tells me that he has a business idea that will make a lot of money and the company he works for will be sold in the next year and he will get a very large cut of it as he has shares, and because of this he doesn't think this is the relationship for him and that loving me isn't enough....but then he says he doesn't want me to think that this is all about money! But that's exactly what it all boils down to and it makes me feel like crap and it makes me feel worthless! If I was completely unmotivated and didn't want to make a career for myself I could understand him being like this, but I'm completely the opposite! I'm super motivated, I have a career plan and am working my way up to getting in to fashion buying ( now that I have experience in retail I plan to get a full time position this year). I have told him all of this and a few months ago he said he was proud of me for going out there and starting a career, then he tells me I don't earn enough, he's so up and down I never know what to expect.
Am I right to be utterly devastated about this situation or am I being ridiculous? I'm just so stressed and confused by him I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone else been in this situation, as I said any advice would be appreciated
Thank you
Just wanted to get this off my chest, if anyone has been in a similar situation any advice would be great
I would advise getting a cup of tea as this may be long haha
I've been with my long term boyfriend for a year and a half now and I'm very much in love with him and he is with me. He's the one I want to spend my life with, or at least I thought he was. When we met I was only working a part time yard job (15hrs a week) and he has a very good job ( he earned 5x as much as me). This time last year I started looking for a new job as I wanted to go full time, so started to look for a fashion retail position as that's the field I decided I wanted to go in to. Unfortunately because I had always worked with horses and had no retail experience I kept getting rejected after interviews, which as you can imagine left me feeling very down and upset but I kept on trying so hard and didn't give up. So in November last year, after six months of unsuccesful interviews, my boyfriend announces that where we are in the relationship isn't working for him and that I wasn't putting enough effort in to getting a new job! He said he wants to be with someone who is as motivated as he is ( he's a sort of mild workoholic), and I pointed out that I am more motivated than he is because he is already in a job that he likes. So this went on for 2 weeks and I honestly thought this was it, he told me that he had planned for us to move in together after a year ( he hadn't told me that!), and because I was only working part time I couldn't afford to pay half the rent (oh and he has his own flat), he also said he had no interest in being with someone he has to support financially ( bearing in mind I've never asked to borrow money or asked or wanted him to support me). So after a couple of weeks he realises he's being a ******, and apologises for stressing me out and putting pressure on me and everything was fine.
One month later I got myself a christmas job at a fashion retailer ( I was still working my other job ) which I was really excited about because even though it was only temporary it was a great name to put on my cv and to give me some experience. I was there for two months so left in February. Then in March I got a job at another very well known fashion retailer (only part time so still working the two jobs). I work quite a few hours there so am earning almost twice what I used to earn and could afford to move in to his flat ( I basically live there at the moment).
But then 2 weeks ago, just when I thought everything was working out, he starts saying again about my job and in a nutshell it's all because I don't earn enough for his liking. He tells me that he has a business idea that will make a lot of money and the company he works for will be sold in the next year and he will get a very large cut of it as he has shares, and because of this he doesn't think this is the relationship for him and that loving me isn't enough....but then he says he doesn't want me to think that this is all about money! But that's exactly what it all boils down to and it makes me feel like crap and it makes me feel worthless! If I was completely unmotivated and didn't want to make a career for myself I could understand him being like this, but I'm completely the opposite! I'm super motivated, I have a career plan and am working my way up to getting in to fashion buying ( now that I have experience in retail I plan to get a full time position this year). I have told him all of this and a few months ago he said he was proud of me for going out there and starting a career, then he tells me I don't earn enough, he's so up and down I never know what to expect.
Am I right to be utterly devastated about this situation or am I being ridiculous? I'm just so stressed and confused by him I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone else been in this situation, as I said any advice would be appreciated
Thank you
When he's not moaning about money/my job he is the sweetest man ever and he really does love me, that's why I'm still with him, it would be easier if he was a miserable git all the time because then I would of left long ago.
