Gaining confidence after giving birth

[ladybird30]

Hi everyone, 

I have been reading back through some of the threads on here and there's some really good advice for people who have taken a bit of a confidence knock in one way or the other so I was hoping you could offer me some helpful words of wisdom. 

I have recently had a baby and after the birth, I have suffered terribly with a huge loss of confidence and general anxiety with riding and being around horses. I understand its quite normal to have a sudden realisation of your own mortality once children come along, but I just cannot shake it!

Unfortunately, things weren't helped by the fact I owned a highly strung and explosive horse until last year whose manners lacked (he knew I was worried about leading him whilst pregnant and took full advantage of that! I also didn't ride whilst pregnant) I eventually called it a day with that one after an eventful experience in the school in which I was thrown off and landed quite badly. I really tried everything to make it work but it wasn't meant to be. 

I have now ended up with a rather large (over 17hh) warmblood who (despite his huge size) is calm, educated and gentle natured although he does have a rather nervous outlook on life - he's hard to load (which I didn't realise upon purchasing - he walked straight on the first couple of times) and he suffers with nervous diarrhoea when he thinks we are off out and about anywhere. I am sure both of these things can be worked on with a bit of time and patience but probably won't be helped by the fact I am nervous too at the moment. 

My trouble is, I cannot get rid of my nerves! He hasn't put a foot wrong really and I know the only problem lies within my head, I feel it's only a matter of time before he realises (if he hasn't done already) that I am currently nervous and begins to take advantage of that. Some people said I was mad to buy such a large horse, but his size doesn't bother me. If you sat me on a shetland I would still feel exactly the same. It would be very easy to give up riding but I do (usually) really enjoy it. It gives me some time for myself, I love working towards a goal, competing and improving all the time. I am just so desperate to get some confidence and start to enjoy it all again.

I just wish I could put my finger on exactly what is making me so scared because I am not quite sure what exactly my problem is. 

Sorry for the long post but I would love to hear from others in the same boat as me or from people who have been through this type of thing to help me see a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't usually post on forums but I don't really have anyone around me currently who understands where I am coming from.

[lesleyking1]

Well I'm nervous of my big TB, I've had her 3 years and not worked her through the winters as she gets too unpredictable when she is in so much. Each spring I have to face bringing her into work and, like I am feeling now, I start imaginining that this is the year she will finish me off. However my course of action has been and will be this year, loads of ground work; Kelly's foundation exersizes, lunging, but properly in side reins and expecting proper manners and moves, not just running. round in circles and long lining. All this is great for bonding, trust and spotting issues before you get on, especially as you haven't had him long, your feelings will be of the unknown, once I feel she is ready (first year this was about August, last year it was around June, so if I'm back on board around May this year I'll give myself a big pat lol) I start getting on at the end of groundwork sessions and build up time in the saddle. Also what helps me is doing in-hand classes, because she is nervous it helps for her to see me as a place of saftey when there is lots of new things going on. I got my RA in each year to make sure I was doing everything effectively, she was great for talking my confidence up, we had one ridden session in just the dually, although I haven't done that again since.
Also I started riding an Arab that I know very well, because he is typically jumpy he was more the type of ride to my TB that I needed to get used to, che is a school master, just enough issues to keep you thinking but nothing dangerous, that did my confidence the most good, I hack him out now which is something I didn't think I could ever do on a horse of that type. My aim this year is to do ridden classes with him to push myself. What I have found is that once my TB is back in work she is actually much easier to ride than the Arab.
Good luck. Start small, don't imagine yourself doing too much at first, give yourself time, just get on for a few minutes, if he doesn't stand still to mount then just work on that for instance.
Sorry for a bit of a lecture, this is the sort of work I love doing, otherwise she would have gone a long time ago, bless her! Let us know how you get on.

[clipclop]

Ladybird, I appreciate you may well wish to remain anonymous but did your old horse's name begin with P?

I may be totally off but if you are who I think you may be (you sound like you could be someone I used to be on a yard with) then I can totally understand your confidence knock based on said horse.

Either way, how long have you had your new horse? Winter is always the worst time to bond with a horse and hopefully when the weather improves, he will chill out more too. Hacking out can do wonders for relationship building and it will take time if you've had a very difficult horse to trust another.

Sent from my GT-I9195 using proboards

[happysnail]

If you're able to, the Perfect Confidence course is a really safe and supportive environment to untangle confidence issues and come up with practical solutions. Don't be too hard on yourself - nerves can be the inner voice of self preservation. x