wills
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 4,657
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Post by wills on Jan 11, 2015 21:48:12 GMT 1
Guys... I think I am having some sort of life break down & I just don't know what to do, with all thats going on right now this feels like such a selfish whinge but I just can't help it.
September I started getting really bad heart burn/acid reflux & vomiting, kept going back to Dr and being fobbed off with 1 thing or another. In October I got admitted to hospital, with suspected kidney infection -turns out it was sepsis - spent 5 days in & then took a week off before going back to work. I was in 3 weeks and then had to go off sick again and was of for 5 weeks. I am still suffering with the sickness, have lost 2 stone since October, my hair is horrible, my skins bad & I am tired all the time. I have no appetite, I can go 2 or 3 days without eating I just don't feel hungry when I do eat I am usually sick. Been waiting 6 weeks for an endoscopy appointment.
Outside of this I started a new job in July, my boss can be really hit & miss. On Tuesday she lost it with me for no real reason, told me I was a dead weight at work, had no eye for detail, had 5 weeks off sick which she paid for (is sick pay not compulsary?) and I hadn't even given her a word of thanks for it?! She went on & on questioned me on my cv and stated that there is no way I was capable of training folk (previous job position). If I didn't have the horse to pay for I would have walked.
I have lost all confidence in myself and its affecting me in every aspect, my driving is terrible, I am struggling with my horse,I feel like I am not being a good parent, dread going into work and looking at other jobs feel like I could not do them either. Home life is stressful I posted last year about my partners battle for custody of his child - we won then mother got awarded 50/50 parenting so poor child is being passed from pillar to post and we are facing court again over it to top it off he got laid of from his job & it hit him really hard so he has emotionally/mentally been suffering. I am so tired I just want to lie down in a darkened room for several months.
Tea & crumpets if you made it through this & feel free to send a virtual slap.
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 11, 2015 22:12:51 GMT 1
Wills sending you big massive hugs not slaps xxxxx that's not what's required I really feel for you hun your an amazing mum and horse owner from what I've picked up on xxxx exes and kids are hard I'm there with my hubby stepson and his ex... I'm just going to say that I'm more of a mum then she is.. Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by antares on Jan 11, 2015 22:22:57 GMT 1
Oh wills, you're having a real tough time of it!! I don't really know about sepsis so just looked it up and that can be very serious indeed, could this be causing emotional as well as physical problems for you? I would think so. One thing for sure is that your boss should not be using it against you!! Whether the time off is paid in full by your employer or not will be written into your contract, some employers only pay statutory sick pay which I don't think is very much but some employers will provide full pay for a certain amount of days / weeks / months depending on what your contract states. I would probably try and hurry the endoscopy up - if you can afford it then pay for a consultation with a specialist, the private ones usually work for the NHS too and when my husband was sick we paid for a consultation plus a set of X-rays and then the consultant knew it was serious so transferred him back to the NHS but bumped him up the waiting list. Might be worth a try!! If you are still ill then you need to get your health back on track and the rest will follow Your boss sounds like a real piece of work and like she is trying to manage you out which is against the law, do you have an HR department?
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Post by anastasia55555 on Jan 11, 2015 22:42:39 GMT 1
Oh dear definitely don't need a slap, more like a hug! Sadly the skin, hair and energy thing will be because of being poorly. Have you been to see another gp for another opinion? Sounds like you need to find yourself another job too if that's all the support your getting, someone being hit and miss with how they are with you isn't going to make you feel any better either. It's time the sh**ty stick that keeps hitting you went and pestered someone else!x Sent from my D5503 using proboards
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Post by happysnail on Jan 11, 2015 22:44:29 GMT 1
Sending a hug Wills. Keep badgering on for medical support - could a friend or your partner come to appointments to help advocate for you? Stress has a huge impact on physiology and vice versa. Could even be that medication to help with managing the symptoms and counselling would help you in the interim. (I hated going on medication for stress and anxiety but it helped me get through the tough life stuff that was going on, get established in my new job and has helped be make real changes to a point where I am actually happy now).
Are you part of a union for work? Would be really worthwhile getting in touch with a union rep or HR specialist. Bullying is not an acceptable management strategy and it sounds like that's what she's doing. But it might be best to get your CV out there, find something else and get the heck out of there.
With regard to sick pay, it depends what your company do, we have 10 days sick leave in year and beyond that we can use holidays or statutory sick pay.
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Post by lizpurlo on Jan 11, 2015 23:15:46 GMT 1
Oh Wills, I'm so sorry, what a pile of rubbish you're having to live through just now. I can't add any more to the great advice on here, so will just send you (((hugs))) and much sympathy. And I really hope that your health picks up soon, so that at least you feel up to giving that rotten miserable boss of yours a piece of your mind. xx
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Post by VeronicaF on Jan 11, 2015 23:25:24 GMT 1
sending you lots of love wills, your just over loaded, and everythings getting on top of you, you need time out, put yourself first, take a little break, even having a cupper out with your friends-friend to recharge your batteries everything can look bleek but things will work them selfs out take a break from everyone and everything even for 5 mins, do something you like doing
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Post by VeronicaF on Jan 11, 2015 23:39:08 GMT 1
ps this might help, in life we wear many hats we are friends, parents, wifes, daughters, sisters, the hats we wear just keep coming, and sometimes we wear all the hats all at once, what happens they topple over and fall off ,one by one or all together, leave the hats on the floor for a while, they wont go away, nothing will happen to them, its time to remember what its like not trying to wear all those hats at once.
your not defined by the title's of all those hats too.
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Post by KimT on Jan 12, 2015 15:44:43 GMT 1
Wills- No slaps what so ever!!!!
Instead lots and lots of hugs. You are clearly having a very hard time at the moment and no one can blame you for feeling this way. I can sympathise with you with regards to your job. I had a horrible boss who belittled me and bullied me. HR wouldnt do anything about it and I eventually found another job. It took a long time and I almost gave up but it happened. It will for you too if you get your CV out there.
However.... you need to get your health sorted first. I know its hard to summon the energy to fight when you feel rubbish and so stressed but you need to kick up a bit of fuss. Go and see another Dr or attempt to go private if you can. I know it all seems like a great big pile of mess which you cant sort out but you will. One piece at a time. Once you begin to feel better you will have more energy to put into other things.
I know how you feel about the horse. I now have 2 jobs to pay all my bills and debts. I have to pay someone at the yard to help with Lady which is ok but I think people have started talking about how little I do with Lady at the moment. I feel guilty and wonder if I should even have her but I also realise that its not forever and will get better. Lady is only 4 1/2yrs old and I will hopefully have many more years with her. I just need to get through this bit.
Chin up hun. You definitely arent the only one and we are all here for you.
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Post by gwenoakes on Jan 12, 2015 19:48:46 GMT 1
No slaps from me, just HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE hugs. XXXXXXXXXX
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Post by mollichop on Jan 13, 2015 14:33:45 GMT 1
Wills sending you big massive hugs not slaps xxxxx that's not what's required I really feel for you hun your an amazing mum and horse owner from what I've picked up on xxxx exes and kids are hard I'm there with my hubby stepson and his ex... Mahooosive hugs for you Wills (((hugs))) Please start by being kinder to yourself. You are a Great Mum, you Love your horse neither child nor equine are suffering/neglected/not looked after. OH is having a bad time but he's an adult and will have to sort himself out from the inside, you can only support from the outside, once you have looked after yourself and then with any spare energy/mojo that is going. Boss sounds like a right b***h who is having her own problems/breakdown, don't let her negative energy and spite bring you down. Let her have her say then have some quiet time to yourself to reflect, then put all the claptrap. diatribe and bulls**t she has spewed out into an imaginary bag, tie it all up and throw it out the window. Take a deep breath , believe you are a good and Useful person/team member and carry on as though nothing has happened (I know this all takes positive energy that you may be very low on at the moment but please try,a little bit each day can soon build up) On a practical note you would have to check your contract for facts about payment whilst off sick, ie. is there a Company Sick Pay Scheme? or do they just pay SSP? Gain the knowledge for future reference as it sounds like you may need it if you need more tests to find out what is wrong. Also please don't rule out talking to your GP if you find everything is really piling up on you and its all too much to deal with. Sending virtual tea and biscuits and more (((hugs))) Take Care
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 13, 2015 16:33:09 GMT 1
How are you doing wills xxxx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by rosemaryhannah on Jan 15, 2015 11:54:41 GMT 1
Hugs - that's a rotten stack of luck. There is SUCH prejudice against men getting residency for their children - my son suffered form this though in the end he did get residency. but the fact is that some women are not in a good place to be bringing up an child, while the father is responsible, involved and caring, stable too.
I have other freinds who have suffered at work because they have had health problems. I fear the propaganda that the sick are sick by choice is having an effect - and a very horrid one. The numbers choosing to be ill can be counted in the numbers of goldfish having teeth.
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 15, 2015 12:12:08 GMT 1
yes men do not get the same support even when the mothers are not fit sad
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Post by kafee on Jan 16, 2015 19:22:58 GMT 1
Hope you're feeling better today wills.
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